Party, child with visible difference

[donttake]

Was 8 year olds birthday party on Saturday,
Some school friends, some out of school friends and some family were invited. First time doing a mixed party like that and the different groups kind of kept together so Dd was a bit pulled around but otherwise everything went great .

One of DD’s cousins who was at the party has a significant facial difference, purely physical and had no effect of their behaviour or abilities. I’ve had a message from a school friends mother saying thank-you for the party, dc had a great time etc but that she would have appreciated a heads up about dd’s cousin. That her dc were scared and upset and she doesn’t know how to deal with it so could I give advice.

I’m not being being unreasonable to think that’s outrageous, am I?

I have no idea what to reply

This would be a time for a middle finger emoji and a block button. Also, screenshot the vileness so she can't deny it later or claim to have been "misunderstood".

If the poor kid subjected to this kind of parenting goes to your child's school, you could also let the school know what's happened. That way they can be aware a child for whom they have safeguarding and educational responsibilities is being exposed to such unpleasant views and they may be able to include education about visible difference in lessons in an age-appropriate way.

I hope your daughter and her cousin had a great time.

This, love it!

Send that.
How is the child to cope if they see a person in a wheelchair, for example??
Outraged for you op.

Holy fucking shit.

For once I am actually speechless.

Literally unbelievable. How the fuck is her kid gonna cope in the real world. Also she does realise in the blink of an eye the child or a member of their family could acquire a visible difference or disability. I’d just be like sorry you feel that way but we raise our kids to accept people as they are and wouldn’t even cross our minds it would be an issue for another child, luckily that can learn from the experience and not be scared next time they encounter someone a little bit different, hope this helps and send a thumbs up emoji to the bitch

I agree. No problem with the kids asking questions or expressing their concerns - that’s how they learn. But mum should be equipped to answer their questions and address those concerns without having to send an outrageously ableist message to OP. She’s attempted to blame OP for the fact that her parenting skills are so sadly lacking that she has no idea how to explain diversity to her own children. Unconscionable.

This is an excellent response.

This Is horrendous. What a vile vile small minded, selfish, thoughtless appalling human being. A heads up to protect her little darling? I’m absolutely disgusted and I don’t believe there has been any distress caused to her child either. Definitely try to withdraw your child away from any contact with this woman she isn’t fit to be in human society.

I was the child with a visible difference who was told not to get close to another child who “would be upset and afraid” by how I looked.

His parents asked my parents to tell me not to speak to him about my disability.

The way it made me feel is still with me 55 years later, and I thought that wasn’t something that still happened these days.

I’m sad it obviously still does. 😞

I’m howling at this and completely in agreement!

This is perfect

I would just delete and block

Silence in this case would speak volumes.

Why you would dignify such a communication with any response: horrified / quasi educational / whatever is beyond me.

That’s awful, I’m so sorry. I hope you have met more nice people than horrid since then.

I guess the main thing is that she stops thinking and talking about other people in this way, and that her attitude doesn't get passed on to her children. Telling her off might just infuriate her and make her defensive rather than giving an opportunity to rethink.

The fact her child was scared and upset and didn't know how to deal with it says everything you need to know about her level of parenting. Appalling that she is bouncing this back on you when it is her parental deficiencies that are so apparent.

I would be a b*h about this and reply : explain your children that outside your bubble there are people of all shapes and sizes and with differences . I didn’t fell the need to inform m anyone because I assume most people already know this !

Is the mum generally a nosey/ gossipy type OP? Wondering if she wants to know details about the cousin that,s none of her business and this is her way of finding out.

regardless, ‘ it’s a shame your DC haven’t been taught about how people can be different but thanks for letting me know, I’ll know they have not to be invited next time so they are not put in a situation you are unhappy with again which is a shame as all the children had fun and certainly didn’t seem scared at the party’.

This is absolutely what you must do- my view too. Screenshot the message and ask to see the head. Make it clear that this needs addressing in school. And make sure the vile woman’s name is on the printout.

I would add onto the bottom of that message, 'PS Personally I believe you are the one that has the problem as children don't pick up on differences unless pointed out by an adult. It's just sad that you used your DC as a cover for your own reaction.'

I say add this on because I don't believe she should be allowed to get away with using her children as a cover. She needs to know people see through it.

Wow

This. With suggestions for books and websites.

I would just text back and ask what specifically should you have warned her about?
sounds like she’s he one people should be warned about! Shocking!

Reply with sorry there isn't much I can do about the fact they have an ignorant, self absorbed idiot for a mother and leave it at that !