Not Invited to Cousin's Wedding

[Caribun]

My cousin is getting married. We used to live next door to each other when we were teenagers and have always been friendly. There's no big family drama, no issues, we don't see each other frequently but text occasionally, and see each other at family gatherings.

Cousin has invited all of our family, and all of her cousins (including all my siblings) to her wedding, but hasn't invited me. I've spoken to my Mum about it who says she thinks it's because we have small children, they aren't having kids at their wedding, and we have no one to look after the kids (my entire family will be at the wedding, DH is an orphan and only child).

Whilst I appreciate that may be the case AIBU to think it would have been nice to receive just a courtesy invitation rather than just being completely ignored? I feel so hurt that it's left me in tears and I can't really think rationally about it.

I haven't asked her directly because I don't do conflict, so I'm just quietly very sad.

For goodness sake stop hinting and directly ask!

‘hi cousin, everyone is being excited about your wedding! I know it’s not possible to invite everyone and I might not have made the final cut - but on the off chance my invitation got lost somewhere please let me know! Sending love and grit for all the planning either way’

Wow that’s strange as you say, no ideas as to why?

Well since they are being blunt gp back with "why"

Also if my child or siblings had been snubbed like this I would be boycotting the shirts wedding.

In fact from pp post there is a great response-

"Hi cousin, thanks for clarification- however as no one invites the whole family and ostracises one person without cause you can at least provide.an explanation for this as I, and my family, are at a loss for your behaviour here. "

It seems a crazy family bomb to explode around what is meant to be a happy occasion!

I'd be direct in response

"Have i upset you?"

For goodness sake at least read the OP's updates.

Oh no...but well done for messaging her and asking. That's unkind that she hasn't invited you or explained why.

You could go on your own
you could get a room at the venue and get a local babysitter and kept popping up to see kids

ask cousin direct or get a relative do it for you

Whether you get a reply to you asking why jot, at least you can tell your mum you've been left out deliberately. Doubt she will say anything to your wider family but I think this is going to double your hurt if they all go without you.

In your mums shoes, and without an explanation, I'd decline the invitation saying that my daughter has been excluded and her siblings haven't been it might have been different if she had been upfront to you that there was a problem but to simply exclude you and embarrass you is poor form and not something I'd be part of.

But sadly it sounds like your mum might know what the problem is and is staying well out of it.

We'd be the same... everyone or no-one.

Very cruel behaviour on her behalf, I'd have felt very hurt too.

I’m really sorry. That really is strange.
try and plan something nice for you that weekend x

Same. There is no way I would go if a cousin did this to my sibling. Inviting your siblings but not you is deliberate and pointed, it’s so unkind. Op there has to be a reason though, especially given the curt response. She is obviously angry with you (or your DH) for some reason and it may well be a complete misunderstanding. Either ask her or ask a sibling or your Mum to talk to her or her Mum.
Surely your family aren’t all going to go, and leave you out, without even finding out the reason ?

"Have I upset you?" is the best response to send back of those suggested.

"May I ask why?" could come across as entitled & demanding by text.

I also agree that I think your mum knows what her problem with you is.

I'm very sorry op, what an awful way to be treated

This is sensible

Oh something has happened between yous, you just haven’t realised it. That’s really harsh. Your mum may know more than she’s letting on. Speak to her again or maybe your siblings. That’s hurtful.

If my niece or nephew asked all my children except one to their wedding there is no way I would feel comfortable attending without some sort of explanation.
What is your relationship like to your siblings/parents?? Surely they won't all go along to the wedding and have a merry time while politely not mentioning that one of their immediate family is not there??

I think she’s been quite blunt (and rude) so ok to send the ‘have I upset you?’ message for clarify

I’d also be talking to my Mum and explaining how hurt I felt. Maybe your Mum could speak to your Cousin’s parents and do a little digging (is it her sister?). It is a noticeable snub if your whole family are gong and not you. It needs to be discussed!

No way I'd be going to the wedding if my cousin did this to one of my siblings without good reason as my attendance would be participating in bullying (to single out one person in a group and ostracise them).

Perhaps give her an opportunity to explain why you're not invited and if she can't come up with a good reason, tell everyone about her behaviour. Hopefully your parents and siblings will support you.

It does seem strange that she hasn't even invited you to the evening do. In which case she would have said "no you're not invited to the reception but we will be sending evening invites soon"

It does feel very off OP. Would someone have said something twisted to her to make her think you commented on her plans negatively in any way?

As everyone has said please do book a weekend away at that time. Do not put yourself in the position where other guests think you can babysit. But also make sure that the other relatives know you aren't invited so that she can't pretend you aren't coming because you already had plans to go away!

I’d also message back to ask her if I’d upset her in some way.
What have you got to lose?

That’s really spiteful and if you were my Daughter or Sister I wouldn’t be accepting the invitation.
I get the numbers thing, but to leave one sibling out is just pure spite.
It’s humiliating for you, but this reflects badly on them, not you.

Well, that’s awful. I would be tempted to reply:

Okay, thanks for confirming. I’m sad that I won’t be there for your big day. Is there a problem? Maybe something I’ve done to offend you without realising. You’re still very important to me and I’d like to get things straight between us if I can.

Send her a 'Thank you , looking forward to seeing you get married' and see what happens!
Alternatively think of all the money you'll save on a present, new clothes, travel etc. and have a lovely day out with your family, making sure you send lots of pictures to the family, including her!

Wow, that’s so nasty. Why are people such dickheads…if none of your siblings had an invitation I’d understand from a numbers/not particularly close anymore perspective, but to single you out is horrendously hurtful.

I’d just say ‘Oh I see. Well I’m really sad not to be there are your special day but I hope you and the rest of all the family have a wonderful day.’

Fuck em.