Not Invited to Cousin's Wedding

[Caribun]

My cousin is getting married. We used to live next door to each other when we were teenagers and have always been friendly. There's no big family drama, no issues, we don't see each other frequently but text occasionally, and see each other at family gatherings.

Cousin has invited all of our family, and all of her cousins (including all my siblings) to her wedding, but hasn't invited me. I've spoken to my Mum about it who says she thinks it's because we have small children, they aren't having kids at their wedding, and we have no one to look after the kids (my entire family will be at the wedding, DH is an orphan and only child).

Whilst I appreciate that may be the case AIBU to think it would have been nice to receive just a courtesy invitation rather than just being completely ignored? I feel so hurt that it's left me in tears and I can't really think rationally about it.

I haven't asked her directly because I don't do conflict, so I'm just quietly very sad.

Is it possible they are going through fertility treatment/having fertility issues and it’s to do with the fact that you have little kids? Can you ask your aunt if you’ve done anything wrong?

Yep. The lack of response from family means either the siblings and parents are trash or there is some missing context.

Wow that’s a blunt response. Has she got the hump with you and you aren’t aware maybe. That must be hurtful, feel for you x

She sounds incredibly rude, definitely ask why. Ouch.

Tbh that's absolutely horrible (and also very cowardly) to not invite you, tell you it's deliberate, but not explain why. They clearly know it's hurtful and don't care.
I'd be asking what the reason is, but with no further intention of trying to get an invite. If they aren't adult enough to speak to you about what the issue is, or alternatively offer reassurance that it was just down to numbers or something, then they're just not very nice people are they?

...

Oh. Shit.

Well that's incredibly mean. Will you ask why?

A massive hug. Whatever the reason, they have been really careless of your feelings and relationship. And not inviting one cousin out of all of them is so rubbish. Really feel for you

Also, shame on your mum for not standing up for you.

Ahhh how nasty. Some people are just horrible. If I was your sibling or mum I would be RSVPing no. Maybe that's what she is hoping for so she can free up a few spaces! I'm sorry OP.

I would also get your mum to ask why - I wouldn't respond to the message as a bitchy reply like that wouldn't be deserving of a message from me. But for my sanity I'd want to know why.

Is your mum generally good to you? Is there any chance she / your siblings have stirred things up / are complicit? I hope not. Either way, cut your losses and don’t worry about it any further. Their loss.

On the positive at least you know and there is no confusion between now, then and on the day.

However, I would be following this up with ‘have I upset you?’ and expect a reasoned response.

They will all go.

People are non confrontational

Why? It's clear that she's not going to respond.

That's rubbish

What a terrible thing to do, I'm so sorry. Not sure if I was your mother I would still be going. I know people can ask who they like but to exclude just one family member is really awful.

I'd just text back 'lol ok'. Any drama is just going to feed whatever weird grudge she's got against you. Don't give her the satisfaction.

If my mum continued to make excuses for her, she wouldn't be getting an invite to any future celebrations of mine either.

The others have dcs

Barring some massive drip-feed, if you live relatively close to your familiy it might be that you’ve secretly been designated childcare/dogsbody for the weekend.

It might explain why your DM is not standing up for you too.

It sounds extreme but I did know someone this happened to semi-regularly. She got wise to it and made sure she went away every time so they couldn’t take the piss. Not cheap though.

Her mum is clearly a complete wet lettuce so there's no point asking for her help.

I'd want to know why, but OP will need to ask the question herself.

Your update made me feel sad for you. How horrible to invite your family except you! Hve you told your siblings? What did they say?

If this is the case @Caribun, DO NOT agree to babysit anyone's kids so they can go to the wedding.

Fuck 'em all. Fuck your cousin and fuck any of the rest of your family who aren't sticking up for you.

What a cruel response. I would have to ask why, the relationship is surely damaged beyond repair by now anyway?

If this happened to my sibling none of us would go. It would be an immediate decline with no guilt whatsoever.

That's brutal, @Caribun
I'd have to find out why though. Otherwise either would just be a jaggy wee thought at the back of my mind for eons, trying to figure out what the reason was.