Not Invited to Cousin's Wedding

[Caribun]

My cousin is getting married. We used to live next door to each other when we were teenagers and have always been friendly. There's no big family drama, no issues, we don't see each other frequently but text occasionally, and see each other at family gatherings.

Cousin has invited all of our family, and all of her cousins (including all my siblings) to her wedding, but hasn't invited me. I've spoken to my Mum about it who says she thinks it's because we have small children, they aren't having kids at their wedding, and we have no one to look after the kids (my entire family will be at the wedding, DH is an orphan and only child).

Whilst I appreciate that may be the case AIBU to think it would have been nice to receive just a courtesy invitation rather than just being completely ignored? I feel so hurt that it's left me in tears and I can't really think rationally about it.

I haven't asked her directly because I don't do conflict, so I'm just quietly very sad.

If your cousin was invited and now has sad, 'No, you're not invited' then presumably your parents and siblings will decline to attend and not buy a wedding present?

Try again...

I agree with previous posters. If my siblings knew I was the only one not to be invited and it wasn't for some well known justifiable reason then they wouldn't go.

Plus my mother would be raging too.

I am puzzled by your
Mums
Lack of outrage.

There must be something going
On
You're not aware of.

I know you do not like confrontation but I would ask. It could be about your children but she should have at least asked you.

Maybe she was worried you would raise a fuss about bringing your kids along?

I wouldn’t go to a wedding where my entire family was invited, but one sibling was left out. That’s nasty.

Fair enough if you have number limits etc but you still need to show a bit of politeness and empathy.

I think your mum should speak to her sibling to ask about the situation, and point out how hurtful and rude it is. Depending on how that conversation goes, your mum shouldn’t go either.

Complete bitchy move, she could have just said look I want you there but I'm not having kids at the wedding, you could have hired a babysitter for all she knows. If you were my daughter I wouldn't go either and neither should your siblings

That's a crap excuse on her part. I am lucky and have some great friends who looked after my children when we had invitations from DH's family. Never missed an event. When kids were older, they went to their own friends for the afternoon/night.

Sorry I read your updates.

This is really weird. Not just from your cousin. Something is up with the family. The fact your siblings and mom are not raging let’s me think there is something they are not sharing or you have not shared.

Can you think of anything OP? This is awful!

Same. Now the cousin has said clearly it was a deliberate snub, if I were the other siblings I would decline to attend.

This is a very mature response.

Then leave it OP. Don’t let it cause a family drama as you would be seen as the baddie.
Yes, I fear this is true to an extent unfortunately. It shouldn’t be, but it is the way these things tend to go.
Absolutely not fair on you I know 😕

Keep the moral high ground as well as your dignity.
Good advice always.

Ouch! That's harsh.

I'd leave it, but also couldn't get over the brutality of that response so I don't think I'd contact her ever again. Be civil at family events, but that's about it.

Why all the stress? Send a text message along the lines of, "Hi, most of my family have been invited to your wedding. I am just wondering if I have been invited (invite lost In post) or I have done something to upset you (for which I would be mortified if I have).

If she has sent you an invite in the post and it has got lost, and you haven't responded to her invitation then you will have caused her to be upset. If she hasn't invited you then you will know why when she replies. Don't get your family involved, upset and worried if you don't know.

So no backstory or family drama but she invites all your siblings and your parents?

What an utterly rude bitch.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5281539-how-should-i-handle-this-wedding-issue

This has been done! The response was "no you're not invited"

This is getting like 'cancel the cheque' 😱🤣

Link was already posted at 13.20

Scroll up and you'll find the link.

There is absolutely no way my mother would allow one of us to be excluded from a cousins wedding. She would be straight on the phone to the cousin and the cousins mother and my siblings and parents would say they aren't going. Noone would be that cruel though in the first place.

Wow. That’s super rude. She must have taken offence about something in the past, perhaps?

How have your siblings responded? I wouldn’t go if my sister had been treated like that.

Maybe there is more to this story than what we are being told.

The only person in the family not to be invited.
Parents and siblings not defending her.
Short sharp response from the bride to be.

Either
(1) something happened in the past that the poster knows of or not aware of that upset her that she cannot forgive or forget (poster hasn't asked her - what is she so afraid of, unless she knows or have a feeling what this is about)

or

(2) could be that she has been jealous of the poster for a long time and just wants to stick it to her. That would be some kinda heartless b1tch if this is the case.

Her reply was so rude that she must feel like you’ve done something to warrant that.

Normally it would be ‘so sorry we are tight on numbers, hope you understand’.

But ‘no, you’re not invited’ is so rude I’d need to pursue why.

Have you spoken to your Mum about the rude reply? I think this changes everything and if she knows something she needs to spill.

Neither would I.

I've had something similar happen in my family except it wasn't a wedding. The most hurtful part was my siblings and parents going to the event even though they kept going on about how awful it was I wasn't invited but "what could they do?".

She knows now - it was a deliberate snub.

Sunlight is the best disinfectant.