Not Invited to Cousin's Wedding

[Caribun]

My cousin is getting married. We used to live next door to each other when we were teenagers and have always been friendly. There's no big family drama, no issues, we don't see each other frequently but text occasionally, and see each other at family gatherings.

Cousin has invited all of our family, and all of her cousins (including all my siblings) to her wedding, but hasn't invited me. I've spoken to my Mum about it who says she thinks it's because we have small children, they aren't having kids at their wedding, and we have no one to look after the kids (my entire family will be at the wedding, DH is an orphan and only child).

Whilst I appreciate that may be the case AIBU to think it would have been nice to receive just a courtesy invitation rather than just being completely ignored? I feel so hurt that it's left me in tears and I can't really think rationally about it.

I haven't asked her directly because I don't do conflict, so I'm just quietly very sad.

Fuck me that's rude!

Well at least now you know. I wouldn't even dignify it with a response to be honest. Although my gut reaction would have been to reply immediately "Urm OK, why not? Have I upset you?"

OP never came back and said she received a reply though. It just looked like a flow on of the conversation with other posters re her mother. So to me - and others, it didn't look like she received a reply. Its confusing, and was going to say to the OP if she had replied (and I'm still doubtful that post by the OP is saying that was a reply unless OP comes back and clarifies) then I'd ask the cousin 'May I ask why? I thought we were close.'

perhaps ask your mum and siblings if they know why or how you've upset her? I would bet that your mum knows based on the vague "oooh probably childfree" change of story which suggests that perhaps she was told you weren't invited, and also told why but chose not to pass it on.

If they all say they don't know then I would have to ask directly Along the lines of "ok, of course its fine not to invite me and I hope you have a good day. I'm worried though because it sounds like I've upset you in some way? Could we have a chat because I'm not aware of anything I've done and would never intentionally have upset you"

OP there’s either a backstory here that you’re not telling us or there’s a backstory that you genuinely aren’t aware of because I think she way she’s reacted implies something else is going on. I would explicitly ask your mum to speak to your auntie and get her to find out a proper explanation. If there really truly isn’t one then I think you’d probably be best to cut contact with her.

Fuck me. That's a bit savage isn't it?!

OP, were you sexting the bride's ex a few years ago?

@WillIEverBeOk Just what did you think we were all frothing about with the "Blimey, how rude" responses, then?

Last two messages from OP are

Thanks, I'll send it in the morning and see what reply we get (posted last night)

It was deliberate. No explanation, just a "No you aren't invited". Feel really quite sad, and hurt (posted this morning)

It’s not confusing imho.

WTAF???

Nor mine.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5281539-how-should-i-handle-this-wedding-issue

It looks mean!
If there is no reason and no backstory to this - it seems very odd too.

Of course she is free to ask who she wants to celebrate her wedding with... but people do come in groups and leaving out just one of the group is mean.

How do your siblings feel about this?

At least you know op. Sorry. I'd be the bigger person here send a wedding card no gift then leave it. Maybe go out as a family on the day

That's a stretch!

That thread was about 'save-the-date' cards. The OP here talked about actually invitations. Don't know whether that's a significant difference (people change details on threads, after all).

But she didn't say she received a reply. So it looks like she is just following the general thread conversation. I would have thought she'd specifically say something like 'well, I got a reply from my message' if she did.

Just let it go

Primary school level comprehension though.

Wow. Fucking hell. If nothing has happened between you then this is brutal.

Is she quite bolshy and you quite meek? Because to leave you out, and you alone, rather suggests so.

In this scenario she hadn’t actually invited everyone so cousin doesn’t know she’s not invited yet. She’s Schrödingers cousin

That's absolutely awful!

The only acceptable response in this sad circumstance is something like….Thank you for clarifying and please accept our very best wishes for a very happy day.
Then leave it OP. Don’t let it cause a family drama as you would be seen as the baddie. Keep the moral high ground as well as your dignity. Hold your head up and let it go.

After the wedding, if you should bump into her again at a family event, remain polite and gauge her response to you. There may be an opportunity, at that point, to ask if everything is ok between you.

You would do well to simply accept it as a numbers problem. Plan and book something nice on that day so that if it should turn out that you receive an invitation later down the line, you can graciously decline it due to already having plans.
It’s their loss.

I've just come from the "cousin sexted my ex husband and I don't want to invite her" thread 🤣🤣

Seriously though, ask outright. Say you didn't receive an invite and was it an oversight.

HNRTT - You mention your DH, OP. Did you have a wedding to which the cousin was invited?

This happened to me, y niece invited all my brother's sisters nieces nephews my kids but not me. No reason that I know of. My children declined but my siblings et c went. I then found out that they all knew I hadn't been invited for about six months before and had been talking about me behind my back. They said that they didn't understand why but it must be my fault. I haven't spoken to any of them since