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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel going to my friend's birthday weekend away?

230 replies

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 16:42

For a bit of context I've never been on a "friends only" holiday, nor a hen do, nor a girls weekend. I've always either travelled solo or with family. I also only have two friends, one of them invited me to this weekend away for her birthday.

Going was out of my comfort zone to start with, but happy to try it, but now I've just been told some kids are coming too. I only like my own, so it's starting to sound like the opposite of relaxing or of debauchery.

My DH thinks I'm being weird and antisocial. What do you all think?

OP posts:
NormasArse · 23/02/2025 16:44

The dynamic will be totally different. You could embrace it and take your kids too, but if you don’t fancy that, I’d cancel.

Thelondonone · 23/02/2025 16:53

I only like some of my friends children (and I take 80 kids on a school trip…) . If it was sold as adults only I’d be fuming if kids came and wouldn’t go.

Original poster
holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:02

Thelondonone · 23/02/2025 16:53

I only like some of my friends children (and I take 80 kids on a school trip…) . If it was sold as adults only I’d be fuming if kids came and wouldn’t go.

That's what I thought! She's not taking hers (and we even joked the husbands could have their own joint weekend looking after the DC).

My DH says that these ladies (he's met at least one of them at a festival) won't tone it down even if their kids are around, but even then it would definitely change things for me.

OP posts:
Monr0e · 23/02/2025 17:03

OP is it just you and your friend going and she's bringing her dc's?

What we're the original plans for the weekend and is it because of childcare issues?

Personally I would be cancelling. I'm not leaving my dc's behind to spend the weekend with someone else's. It will become all about them, what activities you do, where to eat. Definitely not the birthday weekend you agreed to.

Whatnowthenfordone · 23/02/2025 17:05

How many of the women are taking their kids? Does birthday friend know and approve?

Ponoka7 · 23/02/2025 17:05

So have you found out from your friend tgat there are children coming? If there were pubs involved then it limits you to drinking at the accommodation. Did you plan out the weekend and does it change it massively?

Noshowlomo · 23/02/2025 17:07

Was it sold as adults only? Why do kids need to come now?

twoforeight · 23/02/2025 17:10

I’d cancel. Wouldn’t be relaxing with kids there.

HundredMilesAnHour · 23/02/2025 17:11

Personally I wouldn’t go as I have zero interest in spending a weekend away with someone else’s kids. Hardly relaxing or fun, in my opinion anyway. I’d only go if it was adults only. It’s like a girls weekend when someone brings their partner. It changes the whole vibe.

Reddog1 · 23/02/2025 17:12

No way would I be going! 5pm dinners in “child friendly” pubs on my weekend away without my own kids? No thanks.

You have sorted out the practicalities with your husband and presumably you get very few weekends to yourself with no childcare responsibilities. So why would you want to be holidaying with random kids?

If you can’t get your money back just cut your losses.

Baddaybigcloud · 23/02/2025 17:17

How old are the kids?? You have no obligation to look after them and bday girl doesn’t have her kids. You’ll be fine!

ThejoyofNC · 23/02/2025 17:23

Was it originally no kids? Why are kids now coming and did they run it past everyone?

Original poster
holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:26

ThejoyofNC · 23/02/2025 17:23

Was it originally no kids? Why are kids now coming and did they run it past everyone?

No kids were ever mentioned!

It's five ladies total, and at least three kids are coming. (No idea of the distribution of said kids).

OP posts:
Original poster
holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:29

Only found out through the group chat, and now one of them has said "I'm not bringing my DC so I can fully relax" so I'm not the only one who's a bit shocked about it.

OP posts:
Truetoself · 23/02/2025 17:32

I think you can message your friend and say that you were looking forward ti time away from any kids and having kids there will change the dynamic and feel of the weekend

Samung · 23/02/2025 17:35

Nah fuck that, I wouldn't go.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 23/02/2025 17:36

I wouldn’t cancel out right especially if as you say, you don’t have many friends. I’d ask your friend about it though and say you’re worried it’ll change the weekend. How old are the kids?

ShaunaSadeki · 23/02/2025 17:39

Euggghh no way, would I leave my DC for the weekend to have to have to hang about with other peoples DC, the absolute worst of both worlds

rubyslippers · 23/02/2025 17:39

ShaunaSadeki · 23/02/2025 17:39

Euggghh no way, would I leave my DC for the weekend to have to have to hang about with other peoples DC, the absolute worst of both worlds

This!!

VenusClapTrap · 23/02/2025 17:40

I would cancel.

Whatnowthenfordone · 23/02/2025 17:44

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:29

Only found out through the group chat, and now one of them has said "I'm not bringing my DC so I can fully relax" so I'm not the only one who's a bit shocked about it.

Is it only one woman bringing her children? Are any of the other women happy about it?

Noshowlomo · 23/02/2025 17:45

Yeah cancel, and make it clear why

Original poster
holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:46

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 23/02/2025 17:36

I wouldn’t cancel out right especially if as you say, you don’t have many friends. I’d ask your friend about it though and say you’re worried it’ll change the weekend. How old are the kids?

I don't think the ages matter. I have DC ranging from 5 to 17.... I'd like some time away from children in general.

OP posts:
Original poster
holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:47

Whatnowthenfordone · 23/02/2025 17:44

Is it only one woman bringing her children? Are any of the other women happy about it?

Show quote history

I think there might be two, not sure about that.

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 23/02/2025 17:47

Nope. If I want to spend the weekend with random children I can have my own kids invite their friends round. And then send them home at the end of the day. No way am I socialising with 3 children 24 hours a day on a super rare night away.

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