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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel going to my friend's birthday weekend away?

230 replies

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 16:42

For a bit of context I've never been on a "friends only" holiday, nor a hen do, nor a girls weekend. I've always either travelled solo or with family. I also only have two friends, one of them invited me to this weekend away for her birthday.

Going was out of my comfort zone to start with, but happy to try it, but now I've just been told some kids are coming too. I only like my own, so it's starting to sound like the opposite of relaxing or of debauchery.

My DH thinks I'm being weird and antisocial. What do you all think?

OP posts:
Biscuitsneeded · 23/02/2025 21:40

Is it possible your friend was somewhat ambushed by other friends wanting to bring their kids and didn't want to seem awkward by saying that's not what she had in mind? Could you message or call her separately and say 'I'm a bit surprised by the mention of kids coming as I didn't think this was what you had in mind. Are you OK with this?' and see what she says. She might just need to know you think it's an imposition too to speak up and say she doesn't actually want kids at her birthday weekend... If she insists she's fine with it then just withdraw as per messages suggested earlier. If she says she doesn't really want then there but felt she had no choice, back her up and reply to the group that wasn't what Mary had asked for...

Apollo365 · 23/02/2025 21:45

PP that’s such a great suggestion 👌🏼👌🏼

Original poster
holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 21:49

I just saw a few of them know each other and are talking of bringing their own kids.

That's even worse. I'm ok with socialising if everybody is a complete stranger, but when they're all acquaintances / old friends, I blend into the furniture

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 23/02/2025 21:50

Not a chance I’d be going. What a bloody cheek. Nobody wants to get a weekend away from their children to then spend with other peoples children (no matter what age).
I would absolutely be withdrawing, and in these circumstances expecting any money back that I’d put into it, as it isn’t what I had signed up for.

nightmarepickle2025 · 23/02/2025 21:50

If you want to stay friends then go on the weekend.

Ger1atricMillennial · 23/02/2025 21:53

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 21:49

I just saw a few of them know each other and are talking of bringing their own kids.

That's even worse. I'm ok with socialising if everybody is a complete stranger, but when they're all acquaintances / old friends, I blend into the furniture

Uh Oh OP I feel you are going to be coming down with D and V the day before you are due to go.

Take your friend out for a nice meal afterwards to celebrate her birthday and as an apology for not being there.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 23/02/2025 21:53

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 21:49

I just saw a few of them know each other and are talking of bringing their own kids.

That's even worse. I'm ok with socialising if everybody is a complete stranger, but when they're all acquaintances / old friends, I blend into the furniture

Now I definitely wouldn't go.

Gymbunny2025 · 23/02/2025 21:53

Are you all staying in one house? Or separate hotel rooms? Will you travel together or separately? Travelling with kids is the worst!

From your op you are only friends with the birthday woman (who isn't bringing her kids) so potentially you can spend time with her on holiday together while the others look after their kids they are bringing?

That would work quite well for me tbh! As long as I had my own room to retreat to

Franjipanl8r · 23/02/2025 21:54

If people bring kids they can stay behind at the accommodation and drink wine while the rest of you head out together adults only. Surely people aren’t bringing their kids AND dictating that all plans should accommodate them?! I’d assume they’ll just join in to what they can during the day and the rest of you will do your own thing as planned.

Franjipanl8r · 23/02/2025 21:57

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 21:49

I just saw a few of them know each other and are talking of bringing their own kids.

That's even worse. I'm ok with socialising if everybody is a complete stranger, but when they're all acquaintances / old friends, I blend into the furniture

What’s wrong with blending into the furniture? Take a good book and just chill and have cups of tea in bed and then join in to what you want, when you want. It’s a mini break with friends not a work conference. I think you’re assuming you all MUST do everything all together but that’s not my experience of mini breaks with friends.

SheridansPortSalut · 23/02/2025 22:00

Nightmare.
Don't go.

Original poster
holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 22:03

Gymbunny2025 · 23/02/2025 21:53

Are you all staying in one house? Or separate hotel rooms? Will you travel together or separately? Travelling with kids is the worst!

From your op you are only friends with the birthday woman (who isn't bringing her kids) so potentially you can spend time with her on holiday together while the others look after their kids they are bringing?

That would work quite well for me tbh! As long as I had my own room to retreat to

We are renting a house somewhere, there's 13 of us (from the WhatsApp group) and a few seem to be part of separate friend groups.

OP posts:
Caroparo52 · 23/02/2025 22:04

No from me. Not going to doend ny timecwith other people's kids

Oriunda · 23/02/2025 22:21

So where are these extra kids going to sleep? Watch out you don't get pushed out of your room for them.

Honestly, I'd sack it off. A real friendship shouldn't need nurtured the extent that you endure something you'd not signed up for.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 23/02/2025 22:42

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 22:03

We are renting a house somewhere, there's 13 of us (from the WhatsApp group) and a few seem to be part of separate friend groups.

Show quote history

That would be my idea of hell. I think it’s completely reasonable to drop out rather than force yourself into a weekend you probably won’t enjoy.

Agapornis · 23/02/2025 23:05

So you were expecting a short stay with 5 women, and now there are 13 of you including children? Where will they even sleep?!

I'd cancel. But go on a solo trip without DC. Or perhaps invite another friend not part of this circle.

Fwiw I have 3 friends I'd consider going on holiday with (and have been). I still prefer going alone.

Dolambslikemintsauce · 23/02/2025 23:10

So adults paying equal cost but some filling extra beds with their dc ? Yet another piss take no?

Edcc · 23/02/2025 23:21

Dolambslikemintsauce · 23/02/2025 23:10

So adults paying equal cost but some filling extra beds with their dc ? Yet another piss take no?

OP, you are a bed payer.
Ignore your husband.
Thanks but no thanks.

SalfordQuays · 23/02/2025 23:34

OK I’d originally said you should go, in order to maintain a friendship, but that was when I thought it was about 5 women with 2-3 kids coming along. If there are 13 adults in the group chat, and now several are talking about bringing their kids, that changes it completely. In fact, I’m not even sure you’ll find a house that accommodates so many people, unless it’s a stately home! It sounds as if there could be 20+ people! I’d be bowing out now I think.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 23/02/2025 23:49

Check with your df who’s taking their kids. It’s wholly unfair to be sold an adult weekend away if others are taking their kids. Are they single parents or are their partners refusing to gave them as cycling is more important to them?

Original poster
holidayblues25 · 24/02/2025 00:02

SalfordQuays · 23/02/2025 23:34

OK I’d originally said you should go, in order to maintain a friendship, but that was when I thought it was about 5 women with 2-3 kids coming along. If there are 13 adults in the group chat, and now several are talking about bringing their kids, that changes it completely. In fact, I’m not even sure you’ll find a house that accommodates so many people, unless it’s a stately home! It sounds as if there could be 20+ people! I’d be bowing out now I think.

Yes, I mean not realising it was 13 people is potentially on me but the kids is something that wasn't mentioned AT ALL.

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 24/02/2025 06:06

I've got to say OP, this is sounding less appealing with each new bit of information.

RhiWrites · 24/02/2025 06:47

I think you should go, OP. Cosy up to the other woman who said she wasn’t bringing her kids. Thumbs up or heart her message.

When you’re there the kid people will hang out together, you have lots of new people to meet and maybe some of them will become new friends.

InTheRainOnATrain · 24/02/2025 07:03

I’d 100% cancel. It’s weird AF to leave your own kids at home to go on holiday with other people’s. Hard pass. It’s really not on that the birthday girl is blindly accepting this and expects everyone to else to also be fine with it and still give up their time, annual leave and money to go as singles on a group family holiday. Just such a weird dynamic! There’s also something a bit wrong with your DH if he thinks that this a normal thing to do and it’s really odd he’s so invested in you going. Honestly out of everyone you sound like the only sane person…

Cherrysoup · 24/02/2025 07:16

13 people in one house? Unless it’s huge, hard pass. What are the sleeping arrangements, especially now there are extras (the dc) going?