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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel going to my friend's birthday weekend away?

230 replies

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 16:42

For a bit of context I've never been on a "friends only" holiday, nor a hen do, nor a girls weekend. I've always either travelled solo or with family. I also only have two friends, one of them invited me to this weekend away for her birthday.

Going was out of my comfort zone to start with, but happy to try it, but now I've just been told some kids are coming too. I only like my own, so it's starting to sound like the opposite of relaxing or of debauchery.

My DH thinks I'm being weird and antisocial. What do you all think?

OP posts:
Whatnowthenfordone · 23/02/2025 17:48

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:47

I think there might be two, not sure about that.

Show quote history

I think you should check with birthday friend that the other women are actually happy with this. Maybe birthday friend should advise her she can’t bring the kids.

Loveanewusername · 23/02/2025 17:49

Oh this is a hard one that I don’t think you can win whatever you do.

  • you could text the group and ask something like, oh I didn’t think kids were invited, are we changing our plans ? As obviously a grown up weekend wouldn’t be suitable?
  • if the parents planon going and just spending the weekend pissed up that’s going to be a nightmare, as someone is going to be responsible for them (and I know I would feel stressed into making it me)
  • cheerily suggest that you snore really loudly and were looking forward to a lie in so you are happy just to meet the group for the day or rent a room near by and meet up
  • it does make you the moaner and it could be that your friend takes the hump

I think the problem is you are going to upset someone, that’s a given, so you just need to decide if it’s you that puts up or you speak up .

personally I would ring your friend (so that she can hear you are being nice about it, and say you would lo be to take her for a spa day / meal for her birthday, but you are so sorry it sounds horrific that kids are going and you don’t think it will be a a situation that you can relax in and it’s better you bow out rather then going and spoiling for others

SalfordQuays · 23/02/2025 17:54

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 17:46

I don't think the ages matter. I have DC ranging from 5 to 17.... I'd like some time away from children in general.

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I disagree, I think the ages matter a lot. If the kids are all 17 then they’ll hang out together and do their own thing, you’ll probably barely see them. If they’re all pre school then you’ll spend the weekend at farm parks and soft play.

I would need more information before I made a decision. But I think really you should just go. It’s only a weekend, it’s not going to kill you. And given that you only have 2 friends, why would you risk upsetting one of them? Then you might only have one friend.

ginasevern · 23/02/2025 17:56

Same thing happened to me once many years ago. I was not happy about it as I thought it would be a much needed boozy, laugh a minute girls weekend away. I went anyway not wishing to cause offence but most of the weekend revolved (naturally) around the kids. What and when they wanted to eat, getting them to bed, entertaining them during the day and pacifying their crying fits. I was so pissed off. I could've stayed at home and done that with my own DC for a fraction of the cost. I would cancel OP.

Edcc · 23/02/2025 18:01

Absolutely no way would I entertain this.

This is not acceptable and not a normal thing to do.

Its CF territory.
Not a chance would I go.

Text her and tell her you misunderstood it as adults only and will let them crack on.

WhatNoRaisins · 23/02/2025 18:02

As someone who doesn't get a lot of time off from looking after my own DC I wouldn't want to waste it spending time with other people's kids. I'd be cancelling if it were me.

Hwi · 23/02/2025 18:03

You were missold.

WonderingWanda · 23/02/2025 18:04

Yes cancel, yanbu. Why on earth would you leave your own kids at home to spend the weekend with someone elses.

Make it clear in the group chat. "I'm sorry I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel. I got the wrong end of the stick and thought it was an adults weekend away"

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 23/02/2025 18:06

WonderingWanda · 23/02/2025 18:04

Yes cancel, yanbu. Why on earth would you leave your own kids at home to spend the weekend with someone elses.

Make it clear in the group chat. "I'm sorry I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel. I got the wrong end of the stick and thought it was an adults weekend away"

This. I'd make it clear that I agreed to go on an adults only trip.

purplecorkheart · 23/02/2025 18:07

I would check with friends is it adults only or are kids welcome. Adults only I would consider going. Kids just cancel

Diningtableornot · 23/02/2025 18:10

If the goal posts have moved you can cancel, but you could try first reminding everyone that this was supposed to be for adults. You could just say on the group chat: 'Hang on, are children coming? Sorry but I signed up for an event without children and I won't be coming if this isn't the case.' Hopefully whoever is hoping to bring her children will make other arrangements for them.

Cherrysoup · 23/02/2025 18:11

‘Thought this was an adult only trip and was looking forward to child free time to properly relax. I’m not happy if this has changed’ Chuck that little grenade in and wait for the responses.

Moonnstars · 23/02/2025 18:12

I wouldn't go if it included children. What's the point of having a child free trip away when you are stuck with other people's kids?
What exactly were the plans for the weekend? Even if it's a nice meal out, a lot of places don't allow children after a certain time so you wouldn't be able to do that.

However are these 'grown up' children e.g. 18 year olds who are therefore participating in the socialising?

I think I would be honest and simply say that you thought it was a child free weekend, you have sorted childcare for your children and were looking forward to catching up with adults so unfortunately you won't be attending as you feel the weekend is not what you were hoping for.
I would then privately message the friend and ask if they would like to meet another time to celebrate their birthday.

mondaytosunday · 23/02/2025 18:12

@SalfordQuays I agree ages matter but what 17 year old is going away with their mum's mates??
But a baby/toddler is going to be different from a 8-10 year old.
Either way though I'd be declining and say why.

Overitallnow · 23/02/2025 18:14

No way I'd go. Time away from kids. Bugger that!

Kitchensinktoday · 23/02/2025 18:15

Diningtableornot · 23/02/2025 18:10

If the goal posts have moved you can cancel, but you could try first reminding everyone that this was supposed to be for adults. You could just say on the group chat: 'Hang on, are children coming? Sorry but I signed up for an event without children and I won't be coming if this isn't the case.' Hopefully whoever is hoping to bring her children will make other arrangements for them.

This!

KingTutting · 23/02/2025 18:16

Oh no this sounds awful. All have kids (agreed at the start) or no kids.

Dolambslikemintsauce · 23/02/2025 18:17

No way would I spend my time and money listening to other people's dc when mine were at home. Urgh what a piss take imo.

CuteEasterBunny · 23/02/2025 18:18

I wouldn’t go away if other peoples kids will be there. The whole point would be to relax, have a break and be child free.

I’d find it stressful, not fun and an expense I didn’t need. I’d rather spend that taking my own kids away.

2chocolateoranges · 23/02/2025 18:19

I’d definitely message on the group chat saying

”children? I thought his was an adult weekend only!”

I wouldn’t be too impressed.

mnahmnah · 23/02/2025 18:20

I would reply to the specific message that says kids are going with ‘ah, sorry - didn’t realise it was a kids included kind of weekend. My mistake I’m sure! Think I will sit this one out’

WallaceinAnderland · 23/02/2025 18:21

I would message friend and say I'm up for relaxing child free break but not a weekend with kids. Can she clarify. If kids confirmed then bow out.

Sassybooklover · 23/02/2025 18:23

If I signed up for an adults only, girls weekend away, and now children are coming, it would be a no from me. 3 children who are 17, can go off and do their own thing, but 3 children who are 3, 5 and 13 can't!! I suspect this is a childcare issue, and these children aren't 17!! I would definitely find out the ages of the children first, and then make a decision. I can't imagine any of the ladies, not bringing children, are particularly thrilled with the idea! You can stay at home and surround yourself with children!!

Original poster
holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 18:23

I would add that comment to the group chat, but it was the organiser herself (birthday lady) who confirmed three kids are going. So I can't really make any snarky comments as my friend has already agreed to it.

OP posts:
Challenger2A7 · 23/02/2025 18:25

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