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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel going to my friend's birthday weekend away?

230 replies

holidayblues25 · 23/02/2025 16:42

For a bit of context I've never been on a "friends only" holiday, nor a hen do, nor a girls weekend. I've always either travelled solo or with family. I also only have two friends, one of them invited me to this weekend away for her birthday.

Going was out of my comfort zone to start with, but happy to try it, but now I've just been told some kids are coming too. I only like my own, so it's starting to sound like the opposite of relaxing or of debauchery.

My DH thinks I'm being weird and antisocial. What do you all think?

OP posts:
WillIEverBeOk · 25/02/2025 15:09

holidayblues25 · 25/02/2025 14:51

I feel like it's going to look like I don't like her daughter (or her!) We're good friends (I was the witness for a power of attorney for her DM). I just don't want to cause offense

Show quote history

But if there is 4 or 5 kids going now, she'll know its not about her daughter. Just put your big girl (woman) pants on and say something like 'I thought it was going to be a girls only adult weekend away, I was so looking forward to this womens weekend away from the kids sorry but its no longer appeals to me/suits me, I'll have to cancel (raincheck whatever) and how do I go about getting a refund?' Don't worry about insulting any parent, did they worry about insulting you or the birthday woman when they said they were dragging their kids along? No.
If you don't stand up against these, these people will continue their lack of self awareness. You need to take a stand against it. Be a strong assertive woman with your big girl pants on!

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 25/02/2025 15:13

Yeah, don't lie. There's no reason to.

Original poster
holidayblues25 · 25/02/2025 15:28

PurpleThistle7 · 25/02/2025 15:09

I really, really dont' think you should lie - particularly to the point that you are hiding in your house!? You are an adult and can spend your time and money as you see fit. She is an adult and should stick to a plan - or give people the option to change plans if she decides to. Everyone is behaving very oddly here.

I really think you just say something like 'Dear X, I am so touched that you wanted me to spend your birthday with you and I was so excited to have some time to get to know some of your friends and have a much-needed break from the kids! A lot has changed since we first planned this, and I am going to give this one a miss - maybe we can get the kids together / get some kid free time next week/month/whatever? I hope this will help to free up some space in the house as it looked like it was getting pretty tight! Hope you have an amazing time x'

I like the idea of pointing out that I'm feeling up space.

OP posts:
Spondoolies · 25/02/2025 16:51

Do not lie! Say you expected an adults only weekend, if you had known children were invited you would have either declined or wanted to bring your own children, you can’t justify having a weekend away with al these other families whilst leaving your own kids at home! Is there any other accommodation nearby where you and your DH could take the kids and then you could opt in and out of any activities?

RampantIvy · 25/02/2025 18:38

I like the idea of pointing out that I'm feeling up space.

Especially as the house is meant for 12 not 13 people.

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