To cancel going to my friend's birthday weekend away?

[holidayblues25]

For a bit of context I've never been on a "friends only" holiday, nor a hen do, nor a girls weekend. I've always either travelled solo or with family. I also only have two friends, one of them invited me to this weekend away for her birthday.

Going was out of my comfort zone to start with, but happy to try it, but now I've just been told some kids are coming too. I only like my own, so it's starting to sound like the opposite of relaxing or of debauchery.

My DH thinks I'm being weird and antisocial. What do you all think?

Well he could still come and hang out with my DH, who knows!

But yes now FOUR kids are going to that weekend away.

You really need to jump ship OP - and sooner rather than later before it stops being "news" that kids are going - if you leave it a few more days it'll look odd as an excuse

I would cancel. I can't imagine anything worse than what was supposed to be a girly weekend turning into someone's family outing.

4 kids. It isn’t going to be fun is it. It’s going to be very annoying even if they are lovely.children.

I can totally relate to your personality type @holidayblues25, and I'm in a similar situation with a night out coming up soon. But there are no kids allowed in the venue, and it's only for one night. I still don't want to go, I don't know anyone except for one person. That other person knows several others. And its quite cliquey I've gathered from the whatsapp group I was added to. But I will go, because it means a lot to the person who invited me.

In your situation though, I'd most definitely be cancelling. Far away from home for several days, more than a small number of 5 women but a huge group of about 13 in cliques, and now other peoples kids thrown into the mix all of a sudden...nope! That wouldn't work for LOADS of people, let alone those with a degree of social anxiety. I couldn't subject myself to it for a day, let alone several.

Is the property booked yet? Because you can’t just book a place for 13 and then add a collection of kids, without confirming with the owner first.

Yes all booked. Just checked and it's supposed to be for 12 people

Why not be honest and say to your friend “I’m so sorry but I thought it was an adults weekend away, I would have politely declined if I thought it was kids too. Would I be messing everyone around by bowing out of the weekend?” And see what she says.

No dynamics have changed, you don’t want a break with other people’s DC. Cancel it OP. It’s fair enough, going out of your comfort zone was a good thing but this has turned into your idea of a nightmare.

I also suffer from misophonia particularly with children voices. I know it sounds awful but I even sometimes have to change rooms when my DC start to all talk at the same time, my brain just goes into meltdown.

I would definitely cancel. It’s the space aspect as well. Even without you taking kids everyone is bound to be squeezed in now with 4 extra people! You agreed to go based on a certain sized property for a certain amount of people. They’ve changed the mood and the living arrangements completely since you agreed so you shouldnt feel guilty about changing your end of the deal.

send your kids, but you stay home and have a child free weekend 😊

It would definitely put me off, my children are older but when they were younger I could tolerate them - I'm not kee on other people's children at the best of times. I certainly wouldn't want to go on holiday with other people's children if I could avoid it.

The more you post, the worse it sounds. Just pull out. It sounds more trouble than it's worth.

The kids ages range from 6-10 years. There's 4/5 confirmed now.

I spoke with my DH and because it's my friend's daughter who's coming , probably it's best if I fake having a tummy bug.

Noooooooo

Don't fake anything, you're likely to get caught out.

Also if you cancel now they have time to find someone else for your room.

Send apologies, can't make the weekend now, have a lovely time, we'll get together soon.

If she pushes for a reason tell the truth, you don't fancy a weekend with someone else's children while yours stay home and anyway you were looking forward to a child free break.

She changed the terms without consultation.

@holidayblues25 is right.

I'm shocked that you have been placed in this position. The weekend sounds an absolute nightmare, completely different from how it was first sold.

On another note, it's refreshing to discover how many here don't want to be around other people's kids! 😁

to be clear - I love being around my friends kids with my kids. We don’t have family so we have the pretend cousins of our friends kids. And it’s lovely to all be together!

but I never ever get time away from my children and I can’t see why I’d pay to spend time with some random person’s kids while leaving my own behind. No idea why anyone would do that honestly.

don’t pretend anything - her dh will be hanging out with your husband anyway so that will be awkward quickly!

So we did think about her DH, and what we thought is that we keep the same line .. I sick, so my DH is looking after me.

It's also on a bloody bank holiday so we'd have to stay at home to keep appearances.

OP I'd question whether it's worth all this pretending to the point where you can't even enjoy the bank holiday. The truth is fine here.

I get loneliness and trying to make new connections but maybe these aren't your people. Don't act like you're a beggar that can't be a chooser.

No way would I go on holiday with other people's kids and not my own

Why lie? That's as bad as people changing their plans. The fact you are then on about keeping a low profile and not being seen out is ridiculous.

I don't see why you can't simply say sorry the weekend is not quite what I was expecting and I was under the impression it is child free. Hope you all have a lovely time but count me out.

Lying about not going is simply bizarre.

I feel like it's going to look like I don't like her daughter (or her!) We're good friends (I was the witness for a power of attorney for her DM). I just don't want to cause offense

Not really. It wasn't sold to you as a weekend away with children. You are overthinking it. Just say to your friend how you would like to celebrate their birthday with them and offer a different time/activity.

I really, really dont' think you should lie - particularly to the point that you are hiding in your house!? You are an adult and can spend your time and money as you see fit. She is an adult and should stick to a plan - or give people the option to change plans if she decides to. Everyone is behaving very oddly here.

I really think you just say something like 'Dear X, I am so touched that you wanted me to spend your birthday with you and I was so excited to have some time to get to know some of your friends and have a much-needed break from the kids! A lot has changed since we first planned this, and I am going to give this one a miss - maybe we can get the kids together / get some kid free time next week/month/whatever? I hope this will help to free up some space in the house as it looked like it was getting pretty tight! Hope you have an amazing time x'