To cancel going to my friend's birthday weekend away?

[holidayblues25]

For a bit of context I've never been on a "friends only" holiday, nor a hen do, nor a girls weekend. I've always either travelled solo or with family. I also only have two friends, one of them invited me to this weekend away for her birthday.

Going was out of my comfort zone to start with, but happy to try it, but now I've just been told some kids are coming too. I only like my own, so it's starting to sound like the opposite of relaxing or of debauchery.

My DH thinks I'm being weird and antisocial. What do you all think?

Thinking about it - whilst honesty is the best policy - the problem with raising this as a concern is that other arrangements are reluctantly made for the kids and you’re the bad guy. And you maybe mar your relationship with one of the few friends you have.

I would be inclined to feign illness the day before tbh. I know it’s deceitful and not ideal but it may give you the best outcome.

i'd be writing similar in the group, but also that since the trip now isn't child-free you're not going.

That’s actually quite tricky cos not going could lead to aggro but I can see why with a 5y.o of your own you might want child-free time. Otherwise you might as well bring them along. I take it you don’t see that as an alternative? Group bonding wooo 😂

If you really don’t fancy it then I agree with PPs who say make an unrelated excuse. I would really worry that even saying ‘this was meant to be kid-free’ - while a perfectly legitimate POV - would be turned into ‘so what she’s saying is she hates our kids!’

@holidayblues25 well bringing kids along to a girlie weekend is really going to ruin the vibe! i wouldnt be going then!

How was the original trip proposed? I think I would have to say that I must have got my wires crossed as I thought it was a girlie trip rather than a family one. Especially if it is young kids who need a lot of supervision I would be very pissed off and would not want to go.

Just say it no longer suits.
If your friend texts you privately say you are not spending hard earned money to go away with someones children.

Or say something has come up.
Whatever is easier.

Tell them your dh is coming now and the dc... And possibly mil....

"Ah I thought I was signing up for a child free break, I don't fancy it. Not to worry, maybe next time. Have a good time ladies."

I still don't think that should stop you from being honest. I would just say 'apologies I thought it was a weekend for adults only, hope you all have a lovely time but afraid it's not for me'

This.

That’s what I would do. Also you never know maybe it’s some sort of exceptional circumstances.
However then I would think really hard if I wanted you to go

Again everyone's disability to actually say what they mean, in case all the hair-trigger snowflake friends have connipations, is the problem here.

The obvious solution is: i thought this was us only, no kids, weekend. Sorry if i misunderstood, but i won't be attending. Have fun. Maybe next time.

We used to take turns choosing a restaurant for a Saturday night meal out. 3 couples... 2 cars followed whoever's turn it was... One week we all pulled into a Wacky Warehouse place.. I refused to get out of hej car. Dh was absolutely fuming... We had paid a babysitter and no bloody way was I being surrounded by screaming dc on an adult night out...

Don't go OP it sounds like hell and you won't enjoy it

I wouldn’t waste my money going on a trip with other peoples children. I rather poke my eyes out with knitting needles. Everything is going to around what they’re children like to eat and the time they have to go bed and just the general noise of others children. No way would I even consider it.

I would reply to the one who said she's not bringing her DC - "of course no one is bringing their DC - that's the point of the weekend - adults celebrating!"

Then see what happens. But no, I would not be going with such a massively changed dynamic

Why are they taking the children, are they lone parents with no choice other than not to go?

Why can't you just be honest?

Id write "love you, love the kids, but I need some childfree time so I'm going to sit this one out and book into a spa instead. Have a brilliant time and I'll catch you on the next one 😘"

No snark, just direct communication.

YABU

I would pull out personally.

A girl's weekend is completely changed if some are now bringing their children. No thanks.

Sounds like their partners/husbands didn't want to watch their own children so they could go. Not your problem to solve.

Nah I love kids but I wouldn’t waste a weekend away from my own with other people’s.

"Oops, didn't realise we'd have kids coming... hang on I need to cancel the stripper!"

Or

Private message to friend:

"Hi lovely, I think I've totally got the wrong end of the stick. I honestly thought this was a girls weekend. I hope you don't mind but I'm going to sit this one out. I think I've got enough going on at home with my darlings! But obviously would love a grown up weekend another time. And maybe we can go for a boozy lunch next week or something?"

“I’m really sorry I think I’ve got the wrong end of the stick here. I thought this was a ladies weekend away I didn’t think it was a family thing? Really sorry but I can’t take a weekend away from my own kids if other people’s are going to be there it’s not fair on them.”

Then when they say, “bring your own, the more the merrier” or words to that effect.

”Sorry if I realised this was a kids as well kind of thing we would have planned things differently but Josh has football and Scarlet has a party so going to have to bow out at this stage.”

You don't have to be snarky, just ask your friend. 'So who's bringing their kids then? Won't that change things a bit?' Then you'll be in full possession of the facts and you'll know how your friend feels about it. You can decide whether or not to go on that basis.

Unless it's an expensive trip I think I'd go along and see what happens. It's only a weekend. Who knows, some of the others might feel the same as you about kids being there and you might make another friend or two.

This