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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour asking for money

427 replies

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 16:08

It all started a few months ago. Next door neighbour messaged me on Facebook and asked if I could bank transfer her £10 and she would knock on with the cash. I get on with her so I said yes.

Ever since it’s got to the point that she is asking every day. If not every day then every other day. I have started to say no as I do feel like she is taking advantage. When I don’t reply she then messages DH. There’s been times where DH has transferred her money on the promise that she’ll come round with it asap but it’s been next day.

Last night around midnight she messaged me asking for £20. I was just getting in bed so I didn’t reply. She messaged again around 12:20 as I was dropping off to sleep which woke me up. Then around 12:30 she called me on Facebook.

I think it’s getting a joke now but DH disagrees and doesn’t see the problem. A couple of nights ago she messaged DH, he sent her £10, then she messaged again for £20 which he sent her, then again 10 minutes later asking for another £10!

AIBU in thinking this is just pure cheek?

OP posts:
CuteEasterBunny · 23/02/2025 16:19

It sounds like she is gambling if she’s asking multiple times in one night.

morbidd · 23/02/2025 16:20

I'd be suspicious about your DH's friendly attitude to lending her money.

LadyMargaretPoledancer · 23/02/2025 16:20

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 23/02/2025 16:19

I’d send her a message right now saying you’re not able to do this anymore. If you need an excuse just say you don’t want cash lying around.

There must be something dodgy going on here. Why does she have cash but presumably nothing in her bank account. Why can’t she pay her own cash into her own account? I’d be worried I was unwittingly getting into something illegal.

Wouldn't make any difference, her DH would give it to her.

DaisyChain505 · 23/02/2025 16:20

So you’re money laundering for your neighbour….just say no.

GroovyChick87 · 23/02/2025 16:21

Is this a joke? Surely you know she's a cheeky twat. Block her number and if she asks you in person, say no. I would be walking on by and not stopping to chat every time you see her.

TheHeartyTiger · 23/02/2025 16:23

She’s obviously cheeky but you and DH are being unreasonable for constantly giving in. You are most likely funding her weed habit? I morally just couldn’t lend her money knowing that.

DH needs to be on your side and you both have to set a clear boundary. No more lending money!!!

HelenCurlyBrown · 23/02/2025 16:23

I’m very confused. She’s asking for you to ping money then giving you cash?

PeanutCat1 · 23/02/2025 16:24

As others have said, it seems very odd that she's asking you to send money and then dropping the cash over within the same day. It would be different if she was struggling for money and needed to borrow £20 for a couple of days for food shopping etc but this seems strange. Where's the money coming from? Why can't she pay it into her own bank? Why at odd times of the day? I don't like to jump to conclusions but someone else mentioned drug dealing and it does sound plausible tbh. Regardless, she's being incredibly cheeky and I'd put a stop to it.

SockFluffInTheBath · 23/02/2025 16:28

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 16:15

There was once when she should have posted £20 but there was only £10. I was really angry but DH brushed it of as he’s too nice IMO! She said she could have dropped it on the path or something🧐

She smokes weed a lot as I can always smell it😡 so I’m not sure if it’s something to do with that

Money laundering occurred to me too. Does she have lots of visitors?

AxolotlEars · 23/02/2025 16:29

Decide with your husband, your approach. If it was me/us, it would be a no. I would have a face to face chat with her, about it.....but I'm old...and I would also gently enquire about what's going on. There are lots of possibilities and I'd be thinking about whether she is vulnerable too.

MyDeftDuck · 23/02/2025 16:30

So no, and block her. Think you can write off getting anything back though.

Whowhatwhere21 · 23/02/2025 16:30

Gambling or coke would be my guess.
Does she appear to have periods where she's up at all hours/all night?
When she's asking for the money do you ever notice a car appear outside her house not long after or her pop out?

TheCatterall · 23/02/2025 16:31

You are enabling her drug habit. Nip it in the bud (no pun intended) now.

Wonderi · 23/02/2025 16:31

OP I would be really concerned that you are getting involved in money laundering.

What is so important that she can’t wait until the next day to buy something?

Why is she not budgeting the money properly?

She doesn’t need your money.
She just needs it to go into her account in a legitimate way which is money laundering.

ginasevern · 23/02/2025 16:31

morbidd · 23/02/2025 16:20

I'd be suspicious about your DH's friendly attitude to lending her money.

Yep. This situation is so extreme (asking for money every five minutes, even at midnight) would drive the purest of saints to the edge. I'm sorry OP but I don't believe your DH is so unbelievably lovely that this doesn't make him angry, or at least raise questions. I mean, c'mon - pull the other one. This is beyond anything remotely normal and you know it. Your DH is either getting in her knickers or getting his weed from her, or both.

category12 · 23/02/2025 16:33

How much weed can you buy for a tenner?

MayaPinion · 23/02/2025 16:33

It looks like she’s dealing. Does your DH do drugs?

RawBloomers · 23/02/2025 16:33

Did you have a fit at her for waking you up after midnight?

I would tell her you're really angry that she thought that was okay and that because of that you're no longer prepared to transfer her money anymore - she needs to sort out another solution.

BeaAndBen · 23/02/2025 16:33

Low level dealing. I wonder how many other people she's asking this of?

SalfordQuays · 23/02/2025 16:33

Can you send me some money too OP?

Onlyvisiting · 23/02/2025 16:34

This is dodgy AF. I can't think of any legal reason she would need to do this regularly, you should stop immediately imo.

Overtheatlantic · 23/02/2025 16:34

Just a thought but can she get a job?

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 23/02/2025 16:35

I’d assume she’s dealing and then online gambling. Whatever she’s doing, I’d be blocking her.

StarCourt · 23/02/2025 16:35

weird all round

MounjaroOnMyMind · 23/02/2025 16:35

You have a cheeky fucker on your hands there, OP. The only thing to do is to wait until you have the last amount back from her and then tell her you're not going to lend her any more. Ever.

Your husband is too soft and I think he should delete her number from his phone as she sees him as an easy touch. This could lead to further problems.