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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbour asking for money

427 replies

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 16:08

It all started a few months ago. Next door neighbour messaged me on Facebook and asked if I could bank transfer her £10 and she would knock on with the cash. I get on with her so I said yes.

Ever since it’s got to the point that she is asking every day. If not every day then every other day. I have started to say no as I do feel like she is taking advantage. When I don’t reply she then messages DH. There’s been times where DH has transferred her money on the promise that she’ll come round with it asap but it’s been next day.

Last night around midnight she messaged me asking for £20. I was just getting in bed so I didn’t reply. She messaged again around 12:20 as I was dropping off to sleep which woke me up. Then around 12:30 she called me on Facebook.

I think it’s getting a joke now but DH disagrees and doesn’t see the problem. A couple of nights ago she messaged DH, he sent her £10, then she messaged again for £20 which he sent her, then again 10 minutes later asking for another £10!

AIBU in thinking this is just pure cheek?

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 24/02/2025 21:20

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 16:15

There was once when she should have posted £20 but there was only £10. I was really angry but DH brushed it of as he’s too nice IMO! She said she could have dropped it on the path or something🧐

She smokes weed a lot as I can always smell it😡 so I’m not sure if it’s something to do with that

Defo not counterfeit notes?

IfItWasUpToMeIWould · 24/02/2025 21:25

I think your DH needs to listen to you and give his head a shake. How can he be so easily taken by this parasite?
The neighbour obviously see’s he is a soft touch.
Put yours and his phone on silent when you go to bed, and honestly I would block her from all contacts, neither of you owe her anything, including generosity, she’s a leech with a possible gambling addiction, therefore she has no scruples.

Addeline · 24/02/2025 21:43

We had a neighbour who did this. Would ask all the neighbours and buy heroin with it. I just said I don’t have any money and he stopped asking.

SpringCabbage · 24/02/2025 21:58

Is this a joke? She “smokes weed” and is repeatedly asking for £10. What could it be for! 🤷‍♀️

FFS. You don’t need to be Sherlock. Your DH is an absolute idiot.

Stop it now.

oldmoaner · 24/02/2025 22:13

Having read comments and put my thinking cap on, this is my conclusion:
She is selling drugs. Takes cash but can't pay it into her bank as if investigated she couldn't explain where the money came from. BUT, by you and husband paying into her account all the time she can make any excuses as to why you give her money. You have no proof she gives you cash, so it just looks like your paying her for whatever, baby sitting, shopping, etc etc she could say she's having an affair with your husband and he gives her money to help her out.
I'd stop it immediately, if you need an excuse say bank have queried why money is being transferred every day and they suspect money laundering.

murasaki · 24/02/2025 22:42

Next she'll be asking of you can just look after a few of her 'house plants'.

daleylama · 24/02/2025 22:55

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 16:08

It all started a few months ago. Next door neighbour messaged me on Facebook and asked if I could bank transfer her £10 and she would knock on with the cash. I get on with her so I said yes.

Ever since it’s got to the point that she is asking every day. If not every day then every other day. I have started to say no as I do feel like she is taking advantage. When I don’t reply she then messages DH. There’s been times where DH has transferred her money on the promise that she’ll come round with it asap but it’s been next day.

Last night around midnight she messaged me asking for £20. I was just getting in bed so I didn’t reply. She messaged again around 12:20 as I was dropping off to sleep which woke me up. Then around 12:30 she called me on Facebook.

I think it’s getting a joke now but DH disagrees and doesn’t see the problem. A couple of nights ago she messaged DH, he sent her £10, then she messaged again for £20 which he sent her, then again 10 minutes later asking for another £10!

AIBU in thinking this is just pure cheek?

what it sounds like is someone with a drug habit. Is that possible? Can't think why else you'd need small amounts at odd times of the night, and frequently

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 24/02/2025 22:56

He might be one of her customers!

PoppyPuppy257777777 · 24/02/2025 23:32

The fact she pays it back so quick makes me think she's cleaning dirty money. You don't want to be involved with that

Poppyfun1 · 25/02/2025 06:57

She’s either gambling or drug taking.

Poppyfun1 · 25/02/2025 06:57

Or she is laundering money through yous if she always pays back in cash

Tinker1292 · 25/02/2025 07:15

Ok... Your husband is being a bit odd there tbh.. is something more going on that he doesn't mind giving her money?

Op your neighbour has a problem. Whatever the problem is, there obviously is one as she's not going to friends and family she's going to neighbours. Do not be enablers of her problem, say to her politely but firmly you're not giving her any money anymore. She has asked often and while you get it back you're not an ATM. It's inappropriate and you're not comfortable. Tell your husband not to engage. If she desperately needs money for food offer her shopping or food you have. You'd never see her hungry, that's being a good neighbour.. xx

mjf981 · 25/02/2025 07:17

Oh I wouldn't be putting up with this. One time - maybe. But never after. I'd just say no and then block her if she keeps on about it. What a CF.

Noodles1234 · 25/02/2025 07:19

CF
id just say you and DH don’t have the spare cash anymore to lend out.
yes probably gambling or drugs.

it’s the constant bare faced cheek of relying on someone with a good heart.

JessicaRabbit6 · 25/02/2025 07:24

You’re enabling a problem. Maybe gambling. Seems to little amounts for drugs

Carlou · 25/02/2025 07:25

Who are you? The bank??? Why can't this neighbour get her own money? Why do you have to provide it at all hours??? Where are your boundaries love?

mezlou84 · 25/02/2025 07:32

Once you can forgive because it could be simple, sorry to ask but forgot to put cash in bank when in town and have a payment going out and it's going to make me overdrawn. Could you transfer it in and I give you cash. More than that is dodgy. At best you're being used as a personal banker and worst, something criminal you could be getting entwined in

Debtfreegoals · 25/02/2025 07:36

Hmm my first thought was money laundering (ex bank worker of 3 years so know the signs). Very strange behaviour and I’d really ignore her from now on as you don’t want to be attached to anything dodgy.

Fraaances · 25/02/2025 07:38

I would send her a message asking her to stop demanding money. It's disruptive and you and dh have financial committments of your own and are not willing to be the solution to her financial problems.

Isthisit22 · 25/02/2025 07:38

You do realise that you’re laundering her dirty money don’t you?

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 25/02/2025 07:38

She's getting cash from... somewhere... and she wants money in her account to pay for stuff online.

I would think about what the "somewhere" might be.

Blackheartx · 25/02/2025 07:44

LucyLou0527 · 23/02/2025 16:10

It sounds to me like a gambling problem? Maybe just say something along the lines of.. I’m always happy to help however since it’s becoming a regular thing I’d like to know what it is I’m helping you with? It’s a little concerning that you’ve messaged multiple times in one day for different amounts.

I agree. DH had a friend who would exactly do this, send a text asking if he could transfer him small amounts like £2, and he'd drop the cash off and it got to the point he was asking for £30/£40/£50 and asking if he could borrow the money until pay day. A few months down the line he confided in DH saying he had blown all his wages on bets and didn't have enough money to pay an important direct debit, so DH lent him the money to pay the DD and never received it back.

OP, I'd say you don't have the funds available and have a chat with DH and explain you could be assisting her with an addiction and it doesn't sit right with you.

0ohLarLar · 25/02/2025 07:48

Tax dodging or money laundering. Tell her to fuck off.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 25/02/2025 07:51

As people have suggested on here it's probably drugs, maybe selling and she needs money into her bank, or takeaway if she has the munchies 😂.

Does your husband have much to do with her other than lending her money? Seems a bit off to me, does it come out of a joint account? Can you see what the transfer reference is, maybe a clue there?

I think she is maybe just a CF, but I would watch her round your husband if she can get what she wants off him, you don't know how desperate she could get

Nextdoor55 · 25/02/2025 07:51

Gambling or dealing. If dealing she's simply using you as a cover, if she gets caught doing it there's legitimate 'borrowing' on her account, you're being used either way

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