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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour asking for money

427 replies

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 16:08

It all started a few months ago. Next door neighbour messaged me on Facebook and asked if I could bank transfer her £10 and she would knock on with the cash. I get on with her so I said yes.

Ever since it’s got to the point that she is asking every day. If not every day then every other day. I have started to say no as I do feel like she is taking advantage. When I don’t reply she then messages DH. There’s been times where DH has transferred her money on the promise that she’ll come round with it asap but it’s been next day.

Last night around midnight she messaged me asking for £20. I was just getting in bed so I didn’t reply. She messaged again around 12:20 as I was dropping off to sleep which woke me up. Then around 12:30 she called me on Facebook.

I think it’s getting a joke now but DH disagrees and doesn’t see the problem. A couple of nights ago she messaged DH, he sent her £10, then she messaged again for £20 which he sent her, then again 10 minutes later asking for another £10!

AIBU in thinking this is just pure cheek?

OP posts:
SunsetCocktails · 24/02/2025 19:03

Blades2 · 24/02/2025 18:59

Her dealer not accept cash?
how very fancy

Nah PayPal these days

Crakajak · 24/02/2025 19:05

I have had this from friends and family and it never ends well. I'd tell her to keep the first then the 2nd. Call it £50 then no more. At this point you have ammunition to retort that you have already given them money...that you NEVER loan money and you haven't got more. 50 quid is worth the peace trust me.

OneBrightAmberDuck · 24/02/2025 19:07

I had a friend doing this and it was gambling. He’d start by saying he was at supermarket and his basket more than he had (I’ve been there, I’ve had to put shopping back). Then for kid’s packed lunch. Just emotional blackmail. I had to end the friendship when I couldn’t afford to re MOT my car as he owed me the repairs money

OneBrightAmberDuck · 24/02/2025 19:08

Mayflyoff · 23/02/2025 16:12

This sounds like really low level money laundering. But given the values involved, it doesn't seem big enough for money laundering.

I’d say gambling, probably online bingo or slots

SpringCabbage · 24/02/2025 19:10

Haven’t RTFT but you are undoubtedly enabling a bad thing here - drugs, gambling or alcohol.

This is not a utility meter, it’s not food and it’s not rent - let’s be honest.

The latter wouldn’t be so frequent and she seems to have lost all social norms and is pestering at midnight.

Stop it.

PurplePenguin2468 · 24/02/2025 19:12

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 18:15

I’ve tried to speak to him about it but I’m not gettingf anywhere. Anytime I point something out to him he just shrugs his shoulders. I asked why he’s so quick to send her money and he says it’s just because he wants to be a good neighbour. Bollocks maybe

This immediately made me question what hold she has over him! Does she know something about him you don't?! It sounds dodgy and I agree that you both should be on the same page with regards to stopping giving her money. It's ridiculous.

PurplePenguin2468 · 24/02/2025 19:17

RentalWoesNotFun · 23/02/2025 19:00

Just message her and say:

"sorry Jane in future we won't be able to transfer money to you as we are renewing our joint mortgage and need clean bank statements as they get examined and it doesn't look good to have all these payments going out of our accounts to you at all hours, the bank will think you're a drug dealer and we are buying from you (tinkly laugh) so we won't be able to help any more sorry".

Show DH what you've said and tell him that it does look like we are buying from her so if the police catch her dealing, which they will, we will be implicated.
Nobody will believe the truth.
We need to stop as it's going to get us jailed. That's your 'good neighbour' for you. You need to stick to this script.

This is excellent advice OP, please listen and sage yourself a lot of heartache.

Thisismynewname23 · 24/02/2025 19:20

Redbird3 · 23/02/2025 17:38

Well I’ve just had an argument with DH about it! What the actual fuck…

So after this thread I’ve realised that IANBU. I tried to speak to him about all the points some of you have said on here. I told him from now on she won’t be getting a penny from me and I’d appreciate he be on the same page.

I didn’t know this and have only just found out that he transferred her £10 last night while I was in bed (I went up earlier than him) and she was meant to be posting it ‘asap’ (last night) He’s still not got it back.

I told him she’s taking the piss and to please not send her anymore. I asked him why he’s so easy to say yes and his reply was “because she asks for it” then he shouted at me and told me to “seriously not start”

Would you not be concerned if she is asking for bank transfers and then giving you cash you are laundering on a small
scale money? If she is selling weed for cash you are taking that money and transferring to her bank

spilltheteapot · 24/02/2025 19:32

She’s using you to launder her drugs revenue!

PeachyPeachTrees · 24/02/2025 19:33

Dodgy AF! DH is not kindly helping out a skint neighbour, he is swapping online transfers for cash. You've made it obvious it's illegal activity, drugs or money laundering and he is still doing it. Either he's in on the illegal activity or shagging/snagged her and she's blackmailing him. You need to have it out with him.

StMarie4me · 24/02/2025 19:46

jackstini · 23/02/2025 16:18

It's quite possible she's dealing

£10 & £20 are common amounts for people to buy personal amounts of drugs

Ask her why she can't just pay the money into her bank?

Yes this, and so OP, you are laundering drug money.

Stop asap.

applebee33 · 24/02/2025 19:50

Wtf. Why would you and your dh even entertain that ? Bonkers carry on

applebee33 · 24/02/2025 19:53

Sounds like your dh fancies her ? Why else would he keep sending money to someone he barely knows !?

Belaymehearties · 24/02/2025 19:54

Your DH is daft .... or he's buying from her!

thequeenoftarts · 24/02/2025 20:02

Tell your hubby your gonna call the police and see if they can tell you anything about her, that you feel she is blackmailing your hubby " after he may have to comment". Its more a call his bluff kinda thing, see if they are up to something.

It will do of two things - he will go nuts or he will confess to whatever it is he is hiding.
Not sure what kinda work you both do, but is there any chance your jobs could be at risk over this if it was drugs, money laundering or sex work? And somehow you are both unwittingly now involved. The very fact you are suspicious of something not being right would be enough for me.
Plus tell your husband if he so much as transfers her a quid more he may consider your marriage over and he can move out.

Milosc · 24/02/2025 20:12

Seems like your husband has something going on with her, drugs, gambling, affair, etc. There is no sane reason he would go against his wife for an almost stranger and cause this many issues in your marriage unless she means something to him. I would give him the ultimatum that if he gives her money again than he is out. If he has such a hard time saying no why is it so easy for him to say no to you, his wife?!

pestowithwalnuts · 24/02/2025 20:19

Just how good a neighbour is your husband being ?
He must have stacks if money if he keeps giving her tenners here and there.
I find it a bit odd that he gives her the money ''because he wants to "

katepilar · 24/02/2025 20:26

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 23/02/2025 16:12

Why on earth didn't you text back when she sent the late message and say not at this time of night, you've woken us up! Then next morning, text again and say 'Sorry neighbour, but I feel like you're taking the piss now, and this has to stop.'

This also sounds like money laundering to me! I'd put a stop to it if I were you.

Not everyone wants to concentrate on answering a cheeky text just before going to bed.

katepilar · 24/02/2025 20:31

The neighbour is mad.
Your husband is acting weird.

Judecb · 24/02/2025 20:36

You need to have a polite chat with her to explain this needs to stop, or just tell her you don't have cash on you. (Lots of people don't these days). But I would discourage this continuing.

Letstheriveranswer · 24/02/2025 20:43

She's selling drugs. They are giving her cash and she wants it in her bank and can't be bothered to go pay it in so she is lumbering you with the cash.

Also that way she doesnt have any record of a lot of cash going into her bank she has to explain. She is using you to launder her drug profits. It's low level now but after a while it could ramp up and you will be sucked in

NiftyKoala · 24/02/2025 20:49

OP something is very wr here. I'd start getting my ducks in a row.

aster10 · 24/02/2025 21:02

Call police - they will not be interested in the online gambling bit, but will be in these littls bits of cash (whether it’s dealing or sex work or printing fakes)

Beautifulweeds · 24/02/2025 21:15

Absolutely not on to be ringing you so late. Background? Elderly and doesn't online banking, in need and gets cash the next day? With anything, once is a favour, twice is a routine and 3 times expected IME. X

Laura95167 · 24/02/2025 21:17

I think you need to just say no. Its irritating that she asks all.the time, its cheeky she asks multiple times a day but it's mental she's asking twice in 20mins then phoning.

Whatever she's involved in gambling/drugs you don't want any part of it

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