My H is being ridiculous isn't he?

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My H is in his mid 40s. He's been very down for a long time, distracted, always mumbling to himself. He used to be a bit of a party boy.

His friends no longer want to go out out and get v drunk (until 5am type nights) and his friends keep saying no to his suggestions.

he was saying how annoyed he feels he never goes out anymore. And saying he's sad as he's losing his mates and just is at home the whole time.

I suggested he was going to have to change his mindset and instead just see his friends for a few pints and then come home a bit earlier and just have a "chat and a catch up but nothing messy"

He just had such a go at me. Saying "that's a woman's idea of a good time. Men do not go to the pub for a chat. We aren't women and interested in talking about other people or whatever shit you find interesting. We want to go out for a proper good time and night out. Not for a fucking chat"

And now he's sulking and looking at his phone. He is so unattractive to me. I feel like he's 14 years old not 44. As if men don't go to the pub for a chat and a couple of pints? Hes ridiculous isn't he? Or should i just stay out of it?

He is being ridiculous but also I do think you should just stay out of it. It sounds like his friends are changing and so he’s feeling a bit disappointed about that, there’s nothing you can do about that. He will either learn to adapt or find new friends!

Saying "that's a woman's idea of a good time. Men do not go to the pub for a chat

Even his own mates don't agree with him.

If he isn't prepared to mellow a bit in line with his friends (who sound like they are maturing at a faster rate than him) then he needs new friends. He can't get arsey that all of his friends have outgrown him and he isn't prepared to adapt to keep up.

How fanny-closing his behaviour is. Grim

Sounds like a bit of a midlife crisis and he's suddenly realised he's not 19 any more and living the high life. Hopefully he'll get over it.

He sounds utterly pathetic.

He’s being a twat. He’s not obliged to enjoy going to the pub for a chat, but that has nothing to with gender. He’s a thick twat if he believes that most men aren’t perfectly happy to socialise in that way. They are.

He sounds inflexible, selfish and immature which I suspect is why his friends have drifted away.

He's telling you that HE doesn't just want a 'couple of pints and a catch up' with his 'mates'. He's not interested in a sober(ish) night out.

HE wants a 7pm till 6am, drunken stupor, stumbling round town at 3am with a kebab kind of a night 'out'.

No doubt with lots of stupid, ignorant, juvenile behaviour with his 'mates'.

Unfortunately for him, his 'mates' have actually grown up and are no longer interested in acting like an 18yr old who's had his first taste of booze and freedom 🙄.

It's time HE grew up too...

So what do they do if they're not chatting. Sit in silence downing pints? Weird.

Til 5am? Probs casino or strip club then back to someone's house for spirits and coke.

He just had such a go at me. Saying "that's a woman's idea of a good time. Men do not go to the pub for a chat. We aren't women and interested in talking about other people or whatever shit you find interesting. We want to go out for a proper good time and night out. Not for a fucking chat"

he obviously is wrong though isn’t he, or else his mates would be accepting his invitations to stay out all night. He needs to get over himself or find a day rave to go to.

m he is also very sexist.

My dh was past this sort of night out before 25. I can't believe a man in his 40s still wants to do this. Do you and he have kids?

It's not gendered, it's age. Mr Monkey will still ocasionally (like once or twice a year) go "out out" with his old school mates/football gang, but tbh they are usually back by 1am at the latest these days.

Most of his social life with friends now is trips to the cinema, art galleries or a run and then a couple of pints and a chat afterwards.

So he no longer wants to go out and get pissed - a sign of growing up at last maybe! He's probably trying to adjust to being an adult human......

He wants to. His friends don't. So he doesn't go and is sad about it.

Mmm, yep he's being completely ridiculous! His friends are grown adults of probably a similar age. They've grown out of drinking all night, going clubbing and rolling in at 5 am! As, he should have done! My husband is 51, meets his mates at the pub for a few pints, has a chat/laugh and is home by midnight, sometimes a bit earlier!!! I expect his friends might be married/have long-term partners and children, the thought of being out boozing until the early hours is probably now, not very appealing. You are correct, he is going to have to adopt a different mindset, and go along with the majority. It's either that, or he needs to find a bunch of new friends in their 20s, who don't mind some 'old dude' hanging out and reliving his youth with them!!! I'm afraid his 'party boy' days are over, he's 44, not 24. No, he's not old as such but he is, for what he wants to relive!!

Going out for a few pints and a curry then home in time to watch Match of the Day is such a classic bloke night out that it's almost a cliche. 4am ragers are for people in their 20s.

The thing that was so unbelievable to me was when I said "well when you go out until 5am you must be bloody chatting about something" he replied "OK, well yes we talk but about films and concepts and ideas, not whatever you and you mates talk about over a couple of glasses of wine"

Pretentious as well as sexist and juvenile then!!

He's full of self pity because I socialise and he doesn't. And he's taking it out on me and making me feel like my social life is pathetic because I hang out with women and I'm home at 10pm.

Looks like his friends have moved on and left him behind. I suspect they are very happy not to have to put up with his juvenile behaviour on a night out.

Fuck me, what a sexist prick.

Yes I was wondering what his idea of a " proper good time is" if it's not drinking and chatting with friends in the pub.

Because if a "good time" is actually just throwing drinks down his throat he could presumably go to the pub by himself and do that .

It sounds as though his mates have grown up and he hasn't. He sounds like an immature guy who wants to behave, at best, like a teenager, at worst, like an irresponsible single guy.

The very description " party boy" would make me wary of what he still hankers after.

If he and his friends went out till 5am occasionally I wouldn't mind all that much. But he was complaining to me that he doesn't see anyone because none of his friends wnat that kind of night out anymore. So I was trying to be helpful suggesting that rather than lose those friends perhaps he needed to do more of a 3 pint and home type night. And that triggered a whole round of sexist rubbish!

What a load of sexist bollocks he’s spouting. DH and all the other blokes I know “chat” to each other.
don’t you find it a turn off that he’s being such a petulant child about this?

Eeewwww. How very unattractive.

Do you want another 40 or 50 years of this behaviour?!

Has he always hated women so obviously? Do you have daughters?

@StMarie4me no and no.

But since we had kids (boys) his attitude to women and me in particular seems to have changed hugely. He would never have said what he said today 5 years ago.

We aren't women and interested in talking about other people or whatever shit you find interesting.

He sounds unattractive to me too, op.

I honestly can't think of any of my male friends saying something like this to me, let alone my husband.

It sounds like he's becoming unpopular among his friends. He's trying to blame them for not being cool enough, but the reality is he's just not fun company any more.

I think he probably knows it, and is taking it out on you.