My H is being ridiculous isn't he?

[SoftPlayAllDay]

My H is in his mid 40s. He's been very down for a long time, distracted, always mumbling to himself. He used to be a bit of a party boy.

His friends no longer want to go out out and get v drunk (until 5am type nights) and his friends keep saying no to his suggestions.

he was saying how annoyed he feels he never goes out anymore. And saying he's sad as he's losing his mates and just is at home the whole time.

I suggested he was going to have to change his mindset and instead just see his friends for a few pints and then come home a bit earlier and just have a "chat and a catch up but nothing messy"

He just had such a go at me. Saying "that's a woman's idea of a good time. Men do not go to the pub for a chat. We aren't women and interested in talking about other people or whatever shit you find interesting. We want to go out for a proper good time and night out. Not for a fucking chat"

And now he's sulking and looking at his phone. He is so unattractive to me. I feel like he's 14 years old not 44. As if men don't go to the pub for a chat and a couple of pints? Hes ridiculous isn't he? Or should i just stay out of it?

Oh god. Not only is he disappointed that all his friends have 'gone soft', but he seems to be taking his frustration out on you, too 😔

That can't be much fun, OP. Is he a decent partner in other ways?

Literally the opposite of what's going on 🙄

He’s a sad little person isn’t he!? I doubt he’d be having intellectual conversations if he’d been out clubbing until the early hours.

He probably prefers noisy nights out because he has no powers of conversation, and can get away with it when he's only required to say "waheyyy".

Tbf I do occasionally miss the wild nights, and I think that's tied up with a general worry about how fast life is going and how I used to dance until 4am in heels and I'm now looking at orthopaedic insoles. I can be a bit sad about it on a Friday night if I've had a bad week.

I don't take it out on DH though. And the sexist shite he's spouting can get in the bin, that's gross.

Reading your updates OP, I suspect your husband knows what you are saying is correct. However, he's probably suggested these 'all nighters' to his mates, who all have refused the invitation (🙄 obviously!). He's now realised that he's no longer the 'hot young bloke' or the 'party boy', and it's hit him, that he's got older. He now wants these 'all nighters' to prove to himself he's not old and there's life in him yet. Unfortunately, you're the one who's bearing the brunt of his realisation, and he's taking his frustration out on you. It's not your fault he refuses to adapt his expectations of what a night out means with his mates, now he's 44. Neither is it your fault his friends don't want his type of night out. There's nothing wrong with you going out for a few glasses of wine and being home by 10 pm. You've made suggestions, which he's ignored. If he starts...look at him and say 'I don't want to hear another word on the subject, I have given you advice which you've ignored' and walk away.

Have you said to him @SoftPlayAllDay that he seems to be the only older man that thinks that? His mates disagree with him because they don't want to do that anymore?

Ex friends of my sister still go out and drink until dawn. Shots all round at 3am then get on the coke. They are all pushing 60. 🤮

Quite.

He is a sexist Wankbadger.

What are you going to do about it? I would be worried about his disorder affecting my sons.

I wonder what he wants to do on these wild nights out that his friends don't want to be part of?

My husband has a friend like this. When he split from his wife we really tried to include him inviting him to ours for dinner with our wider circle of friends. Husband got gig tickets and invited him to the pub loads of times. He told us we were lame. He hates conversation with any depth and if the night doesn't involve seeing a few pairs of baked breasts and vomitting on a street corner then it's a night wasted. Husband doesn't really see him anymore. I can give your husband his number if he wants a like-minded pal.

Naked ..... Naked breasts ... He wasn't into roast chicken. FFS autocorrect

I expect his friends are fed up of babysitting him on nights out and are giving him a wide berth.

'films and concepts and ideas' 😂😂😂aye right, v sensible and earth shattering conversations they were I'm sure.
How did you manage not to say 'but your friends clearly didn't enjoy your enlightening observations given they no longer want those nights out?

Ah, leave him to his little pity party. He might have a light bulb moment where he realises that being a twat to your wife and friends not wanting to socialise with you are almost certainly connected.

You should just respond with "well all your mates must be women then because none of them want to go out getting wrecked with you"
He sounds extremely childish.

I do have friends in their forties and older who go to very late night events (I was invited to one recently, it started at midnight, I didn't go!)
However without exception, they actually don't get drunk or worse, because at some point you either have to choose - get messy and go home by 10pm, or go clubbing and take it easy, our bodies don't let us do both! Once in a blue moon at a festival perhaps, but even that's only a minority.

It does sound like he's lashing out at you because he's annoyed he's having to face growing up. That's not attractive at all

Stay well out of it, and keep going out with your own mates!

If he's grown-up enough to go out until 5am, he's old enough to arrange his own social life. It's his problem

I am a bit in between, I don't find it outrageous to come home around 2 or 3, depends where we go and what we do. His tantrum on the other hand, are all his.

Surely you answered him with, “So, why do all your male friends want to stop the big nights out and just have a few pints then go home? Are they all women now then too?”

Yes, ridiculous and grim. We are mid 40s. Dh’s hang outs with his friends by going cycling or hiking. Occasionally, they have a few pints and go camping. Once a year, he has a big night out (work do) and it just about kills him. He gets COVID or the flu after every year. When you are in your 40s with kids, no one wants to go clubbing til 5am anymore.

There are one or two friends who are definitely still in the single childfree raging til 5am doing coke phase of life. They all try to avoid them because they’re embarrassing to hang out with when everyone just wants a few quiet pints and to go to bed at 10pm. It sounds like he’s on the receiving end of that life change and isn’t taking it well. Bit silly and ridiculous though. He will lose friends if he doesn’t move on with everyone else.

I’d find this grim. I thought you were describing a 21 year old not a man in his mid 40s.

Definitely. I split up with a long time bf because he was still too much of a party boy going into his late 30s. The idea that I’d be stuck with someone with that mentality was a big fat No thanks and goodbye.

I would find it a massive turn off to have a 40 something partner like that. Maybe just ignore him and carry on regardless (if you're not going to leave him).

I do have friends in their forties and older who go to very late night events (I was invited to one recently, it started at midnight, I didn't go!)

I'd have to get up to go out!

Is he a coke user?
Strip club fan?
Regardless, he sounds horrendous.

What a pathetic, sorry dickhead.