Aibu to drop racist student

[HeadacheEarthquake]

Aibu to run a mile
Yes YABU teach her to behave
YaNBU - run away and find new clients

I am currently teaching a pensioner to the tune of £320 a month to play piano and violin

She has often referred to German composers as "Krauts" and French composers as "Frogs". She does not know I am part French.

I assumed this might be generational and have gently discouraged it but this weeknsje used the terms "gayboys" when referring to some local salon owners after a breezy conversation about nail polish then went on to remark thay the ABRSM books always seem to "have to have a coloured on the front"

I said "does that matter" and she was visibly shaken and messed up her piece terribly.

I want to end the lessons with her but would like to know whether anyone would consider paying something and appealing to her better nature and having a conversation about appropriate manner in lessons rather than just writing them off.

Yours,

A multinational teacher in turmoil.

Weekend she *

I would drop her like a stone. Life is too short to put up with arseholes. It's certainly not your job to re-educate her.

I'd drop her, and give her some feedback. That way, she might start to realise that her behaviour has consequences. Of course, it's easy for me to say this - it's not me losing £320 a month. If it were me I'd be thinking realistically about how long I could afford to go without it, and how long it was likely to take to replace the lost income. If I couldn't afford to ditch her straight away, I'd put an ad out and then ditch her as soon as I got a new student (this is assuming you don't have a waiting list - if you do, I'd be ringing round it in the morning!)

I apologise for my typing errors but I assume the gist is clear

Paying- saying

You haven’t actually enabled voting, but I would suggest you drop her as a client. You can tell her why, as gently or as bluntly as you like, but she probably won’t change. Sadly, people rarely have epiphanies or change their attitudes; they usually just double down.

Oh, and it’s not ‘generational’, there are racist and homophobic arseholes across all generations, and the opposite is true as well.

It is quite easy for me to build up another 2 hours worth a week I think and I also am a busy celebrant so I would be sad to let her go as she is also a very sympathetic person, in many other ways - therefore I am sort of shocked that despite out good rapport she now feels comfortable to make these comments

Her visible embarrassment at the remark today made me wonder of it's worth talking but I suppose yes life is too precious to risk being around this attitude

Oh damn I am on the app so don't know how to make the vote available but I think the feedback will be reassuring

Has she expressed actual negative feelings towards those groups of people, other than using non-PC terminology? It sounds like she is using old fashioned language that is rooted in racism, rather than speaking offensively about other races and cultures. So, is she actually racist or using language 'of her time'? Perhaps no one has expressly called her out for using those terms and she doesn't recognise how offensive they can actually be. I'd take a first step of writing her an email expressing that while she might not mean to offend, you don't feel comfortable with certain language that in this day and age js racist. See what her reaction her, maybe it will bring her up to speed and if not you can cut your losses.

Yes, drop her and tell her why.
I'm sorry you've had to listen to her say these things.

Yeah, I wouldn't concern myself with her opinions tbh, if she can't move with the times then that's on her. Would defo just drop her

As a pp said, life is just too short and it's not worth the energy 😭

No she if anything has been quite complimentary of the work on her hair from who she called "gayboys" and is always intrigued when I teach her things about other cultures. This is why im confused.

I dropped another student a few years ago after they made rude and negative comments about Italians (not that it should even matter but I spend a lot of my time with this community. If I didn't I'd still be upset)
So it's odd as she seems very liberal, just her language is so wildly off and non PC

I'm sure lots of people will be telling you to quit, but I'm sure those same people put up with/deal with unpleasant people in their day-to-day jobs and aren't quitting their jobs over every single thing they don't agree with. If we all quit every time we didn't agree with something someone did or said, there would be a very long line at the dole queue.

Sadly, the majority of people are not in a position to turn down £320 if that £320 is paying towards their bills or feeding their kids. If it isn't paying for your bills/kids and you don't need the money, or if you have 20 willing replacement students waiting in the wings then that is completely different.

That said, you don't have to accept it silently every time she says something either. Say something if it bothers you.

"Can you stop saying Frogs/Krauts/Gayboys please, I find it offensive" or "Showing your age there, Marjorie, we don't say things like that anymore and haven't for a good few decades" or "why do you keep saying Frogs instead of French?"

I’d get the sack, quite rightly, if I spoke about people like that in work. You are perfectly entitled to give her the sack. Make sure you tell her why.

Its a hard no from me.

It's 2025 - if she is 70 now she was born in 1955, and was a 20-something adult in the 1970s. That's pretty recent.

My childhood piano teacher was 70 back in 1985 so would have been a 20-something adult in the 1930s. The delightful old Dame was an excellent teacher but she would refer to weaker pieces as the "n**r in the woodpile", and she also had gollywog dolls.

My classmate friend from the only black family in the village had lessons with her and never experienced an issue or slurs.

That was simply generational language. Quite different. Your student is expressing deeply held bigotry unprompted. Nope

Showing your age there, Marjorie, we don't say things like that anymore and haven't for a good few decades" or "why do you keep saying Frogs instead of French?

I think this is the way to open the discussion maybe. If she sees me as too good a sport and can make these comments but doesn't mean them then I'm happy to correct her as I don't see malice
If she gets shitty then no I don't really need that money, can look to replace it quite easily. I think I want to hope for the best in people

In my celebrant work I often come across a few interesting views from folks regarding immigration, politics, race... and I think I ignore it as it's a short relationship with the client then they are gone

Bloody hell that puts in in perspective

I look at it in a different light.

You're paid to do a job, so do it. You might not like the person, or their opinions, but it's a business transaction.

I don't þhink I'd mention her age (why be ageist on top of her behaviour.) But she doesn't sound an entirely lost cause, so I would talk to her about her language use. If she doesn't improve after that, then I'd drop her, telling her why.

Yep

Drop her!

As a businessperson surely you can choose who you do business with?

Not intentionally a drip feed but side info, a student a teach (to the tune of only £40pm) her mother is regularly on the local pages supporting Britain first and bemoaning refugees.

I agree there needs to be change and we have issues but the rhetoric against refugees she spouts makes me question whether I want her money.

My reason for ignoring it is it's not her teenage daughters fault

Unless you are desperate for the money, I'd drop her like a fly.

Its your time you get to decide who to spend it with. Though overall its a net negative from the way you have described it.

I would find this tedious to be honest, but other people are better at managing spearating the person from the task than I am so I wouldn't judge if you decided to keep her on.

So no then, I wouldn't stop teaching her violin. I'd explain to her that her language is not acceptable, and explain why. I also don't think gay boys is particularly offensive either, and I say that as a gay man.

Not sure why you’re even talking about this stuff when you’re doing a piano lesson tbh.
Shes using terminology not considered acceptable but doesn’t seem racist and similarly you sound ageist OP. Perhaps a lesson for you both there.
Not your job to dictate to her when you are there to teach piano but Up to you of course but as I say, why not just stick to teaching the music.

I would agree with your stance on some people are simply ‘short relationships with clients’ …..