Aibu to drop racist student

[HeadacheEarthquake]

Aibu to run a mile
Yes YABU teach her to behave
YaNBU - run away and find new clients

I am currently teaching a pensioner to the tune of £320 a month to play piano and violin

She has often referred to German composers as "Krauts" and French composers as "Frogs". She does not know I am part French.

I assumed this might be generational and have gently discouraged it but this weeknsje used the terms "gayboys" when referring to some local salon owners after a breezy conversation about nail polish then went on to remark thay the ABRSM books always seem to "have to have a coloured on the front"

I said "does that matter" and she was visibly shaken and messed up her piece terribly.

I want to end the lessons with her but would like to know whether anyone would consider paying something and appealing to her better nature and having a conversation about appropriate manner in lessons rather than just writing them off.

Yours,

A multinational teacher in turmoil.

What “particularly heavy brand of DEI” are you talking about?

Black people existing on the front of book covers?

I think the app you are talking about is Duolingo.

Why is it “woke” to have the characters on the app reflect US society in terms of ethnicity, gender and sexuality?

I love that about Duolingo. It shows society as it is. Specifically US society which is where the app was created. Maybe ask yourself why you have an issue with that kind of diversity existing.

Let's suppose the OP said "I'm going to stop tutoring you because you have made the following racist remarks". This would not be unlawful and there would be no grounds for legal action against the OP. You have suggested there would be, and you are wrong. This is different from a venue refusing to accept a booking from a person who is Muslim BECAUSE they are Muslim. If that poster had been able to provide evidence to indicate that was the reason (such as a booking from a non Muslim being accepted) she would have had grounds to pursue it legally. The venue would then need to defend her claim and show they had legitimate reasons for refusing that were nothing to do with her religion. .

This is not accurate.

Always! 😂

I love that about Duolingo. It shows society as it is. Specifically US society which is where the app was created.

I think I question this. Yes, it may represent a particular urban subsection of the US.

But let's take the example of Sari, who wears a headcovering. Her best mate is Lilli. They spend time giggling about boys and Sari also interviews her schoolmates of both sexes for her radio show. The young Muslim women I know in the UK have parents who will send them to a single sex school if possible. They are likely keep a careful eye on their daughters friendships with non-Muslim women, in case such friendships led to say, the eating of non-Halal food or unsupervised socialising with young men, which would lead to gossip within the immediate community. So what's being presented is a very idealised community, in which the reality of cultural difference is erased. If Lily and Sari were to have a conversation, about which cafe they might go to and Sari said she could only go to a particular one because the chicken was halal there, then it might actually be doing something to promote understanding.

Similarly putting a diversity of faces on music tuition books is, on one level positive. But if it's papering over the very real social issue of decreasing state investment in music education which means that children from poorer communities - perhaps Pakistani and Bangladeshi children - are very unlikely to be able to learn to play an instrument then it's little more than neutral in terms of effect. Or if it means that the privileged people who paid for the consultants and commissioned the photos just think smugly, great we've ticked the diversity box, and now we don't have to do anything more, it's even arguable that it is a negative.

The point of the images on the cover is not necessarily to reflect the type of people who currently learn music or whatever. It is to represent underrepresented groups. "You can't be what you can't see."

ABRSM's market is massively international - they operate well beyond Britain.

First post nails it, as usual!

And yet the muslim women I know are very represented by how they are presented in Duolingo. Equally the ones I grew up with in inner city Birmingham. It’s your description that I don’t recognise.

But my question remains - why on earth would anybody be triggered by a language app that demonstrates the diversity of the USA.

Especially as you well and know if all the Duolingo characters were white and in opposite sex relationships that person commenting would have zero issue….

And your latter point is asinine. Why does putting a black person on a book cover have to mean anything more than just having a black person on a book cover.

@SernieBanders "old people are old and the terms she is using were perfectly fine a few years back - in fact to be honest I say krauts and frogs all the time, to my French friends. Also "the gays" to my two bestie gay friends"

I'm old. Those terms have not been acceptable in my adult lifetime. And even if they were, they aren't now.

And yeah-course you do. I bet your black best friend collects gollywogs.

Gross. Grow up.

Old people are old (I'm 70) but they weren't transported directly from the 1970s to the 2020s. They have experienced changing attitudes over 40 or 50 years and should know these terms are not acceptable. If they choose to use them they are choosing to display their racist attitudes quite possibly in the hope others will join in.

Age is not an excuse and I get really cross when posters spout this rubbish that is OK because they're old dears who can't help it.

So you know some people who will tolerate the fact you're a bit of a twat? Not sure how that helps the OP.

And yet the muslim women I know are very represented by how they are presented in Duolingo. Equally the ones I grew up with in inner city Birmingham. It’s your description that I don’t recognise.

Well, I too live in Birmingham. So maybe the city has changed. Or maybe our social circles are different. There are obviously many different Muslim communities, that will vary in terms of class, ethnicity and religious observance. But I have Muslim colleagues and both my - now adult - daughters have had the sorts of issues I describe in terms of their friendships with Birmingham 'Saris'.

I do take the wider point about the reach of music publications. But as a lover of classical music, and as someone who makes music on an amateur level, there is a huge problem about how to keep classical musicmaking - which is now seen as 'elitist' etc alive. There is a similar problem in other artforms - including publishing. There's a real argument for saying a wider range of people will get involved in the arts when there's a secure career structure. And also when there's good arts education in schools with properly trained specialist teachers, and curriculum time, when there are cheap concerts and schools organise trips to those concerts. That's much harder to do than sprinkling a few more photos on the cover of a book. When that structure is/those provisions are lacking, it will basically be the kids who have got rich parents who can subsidise them, who practise/pursue that particular art.

The terms she was using were absolutely not fine a few years ago. They are tone deaf at best and xenophobic/racist at worst.

You say you refer to krauts and frogs all the time to your French friends. Would you use these terms in the workplace if you were dealing with French and German clients or members of the public? I worked in a Russell Group University and using such terms about French and German students would be considered to be gross misconduct. The fact is that no-one would dream of using such terms.

Might be interesting to consider what the response would have been if the OP had said her mother in law routinely used this sort of language!

There would still be some people excusing her on the grounds of 'she's old she can't help it, it's what she's used to'.

Maybe you’ve embarrassed her enough not to repeat her racist remarks?

If not I’d tell her to not say things like that or you’ll have to stop teaching her.

I's only recently that some people decided coloured was a racist word. It was never derogatory or a slur - not even at the informal level of Krauts or Frogs. In fact it replaced "black' around the mid 20th century as the proper word to say, very much led by activists.

Nothing actually happened to turn it into a derogatory word, it's not like something like "retarded" which was used as a rude work and so became associated with an insult. It was always just a descriptive word like "black."

An older person who isn't all that immersed in pop culture - and many really aren't - would have no real reason to suddenly think it might be seen as rude. It's as if someone were to decide next week that "person of colour" is now derogatory, for no real reason. There isn't any real logic to it.

Yes, I agree with all of this. When I go to music festivals these days white kids are not a majority.

And actually, I do think that to some extent these companies are just looking to increase the representation on the covers which is fine.

But - the OPs student is not wrong in her observation, and it represents a change, probably quite a significant one, since she was younger.

Personally, I think it's an interesting change and I don't know why it would need to be passed over as if it's an embarrassing thing for someone to say. There has been a huge demographic change in parts of the UK in the past 70 years. SHe might well have some interesting observations about that, even if she doesn't use all the "correct" language.

@CaptainMyCaptain "
There would still be some people excusing her on the grounds of 'she's old she can't help it, it's what she's used "

I have literally never heard anyone say that about a MIL-unless she actually has dementia!

🤣

To be fair, it's usually a grandparent or uncle.

Confront her and tell her the racist comments are offensive and she needs to stop if she wants to continue lessons.

You don't know anything about the Cape Coloured, do you?