Aibu to drop racist student

[HeadacheEarthquake]

Aibu to run a mile
Yes YABU teach her to behave
YaNBU - run away and find new clients

I am currently teaching a pensioner to the tune of £320 a month to play piano and violin

She has often referred to German composers as "Krauts" and French composers as "Frogs". She does not know I am part French.

I assumed this might be generational and have gently discouraged it but this weeknsje used the terms "gayboys" when referring to some local salon owners after a breezy conversation about nail polish then went on to remark thay the ABRSM books always seem to "have to have a coloured on the front"

I said "does that matter" and she was visibly shaken and messed up her piece terribly.

I want to end the lessons with her but would like to know whether anyone would consider paying something and appealing to her better nature and having a conversation about appropriate manner in lessons rather than just writing them off.

Yours,

A multinational teacher in turmoil.

FFS would people stop saying it's generational, it isn't! This woman is probably about the same age as my parents who would never dream of using casual slurs and would never be friends with anyone who did. People who toss offensive words around like this do so because they see no problem with being derogatory towards other groups ie they are bigoted.

Her comment about the book cover reveals that she is indeed a racist - that's a classic racist complaint, that diversity is being foisted on us by the media, publishers and so on (like people who complain about all the brown faces in adverts, or colourblind casting etc).

Personally I would bin her off, not because I can't handle differing viewpoints but because I find ignorant bigots too tedious to bother with.

You're a complete hypocrite.

I agree that some terms can become outdated and not appropriate without us knowing so quickly. It isn't too difficult to keep up though if you watch TV or converse with other people. I still hear older terms such as "half caste" or "chinky" when referring to a Chinese takeaway but I always correct people in case they just haven't heard the less offensive terms.

It was only last year that I discovered "Chinese whispers" is no longer appropriate, so I googled the reasons and I understand why it's offensive now and I'm really careful not to use the term.

This lady has used several terms. I could believe she's not racist if it was just one. Also, the comment about the book summarises her general beliefs and attitude to me.

My friend damaged a car the other day and she went into the shop to give her details to staff. The staff member (40s) leaned over and said well let's hope it's not a P*ki's car coz you know what they're like about scamming money. How disgusting!! My friend (60) was really shocked and upset by it.

I agree with this. It’s all about knowing the rules and doesn’t matter the person’s intent which I think is too simplistic.

I’d challenge/correct the language next time it comes up. If she’s hostile to it (like the takeaway colleague), I’d consider dropping her. She might be grateful for the opportunity to improve.

I had a fairly elderly health care professional years ago, she was well past retirement age. We would chat about things during my treatment. I would challenge the odd view/terminology that I found acceptable. I think that was more useful than me just never going back or ignoring her.

FFS..its not 'generational' , 'generational' comments haven't been in use for 100 yrs or more..60 plus grew up with anti-rascism/ anti apartheid movements, gay rights and feminist campaigns. An old-fashioned bigot can be any age.
I've heard far more racist terms from under 45s than older.

Oh look. Another thread about how shit old people are!

This is my view . You don't have to like your clients you have to teach them . People who are employed don't get to choose who they deal with . As you have tried to be fair and say she's not a complete ogre I'd probably ask her to tone her language down . My thinking is she may have lived in a bubble and grew up with this language , clearly she has reached a good age where no one has told her it's inappropriate. Just reading it makes me cringe .

I think if it was just language I would speak to her about it. If she’s not actually being nasty about people, just using unacceptable language then I’d I think I’d give her the opportunity to change (although she may find it hard to).

I think you need to be honest. Say you can't work with her if the discriminatory talk continues. Draw the line in the sand.

I am also mixed race and agree with you. I've never heard of Kraut but I think 'Frog' for French is rude, but not racist.

I use to use bad terminology many years ago as I had no idea it was offensive. Once I was told it was i have never ever used it again and that was 10 years ago. As PP said, her embaressment might mean she had no idea how it came across. I'm mortified looking back.

I agree with @Icanttakethisanymore

If her views themselves are liberal but her language is off, then I would talk to her about it. People use the word “woke” to be derogatory now - but it partly stems from learning something that opens your eyes and awakens you to experiences, terms of expression and language that you weren’t aware upset others.
I would awaken her!!! - you have nothing to lose and it may help her retain other friends.

Any chance of a link to that thread?

OP if I were in your shoes I’d tell her I find her language offensive, give her a chance to change it before dropping her. Some people genuinely seem to live under a rock (my mum was a good example of someone who used very outdated terminology eg coloured because she had no idea it was no longer acceptable). But it’s up to you of course.

Kraut and frog aren’t racist. They are terms old people use. The ASA called kraut a light hearted reference.

Adult piano student here. I frequently chat with my teache. One lesson, after a terrible week when I hadn’t had time or energy to touch the keys, we just chatted. I considered that money to be very well spent. Other weeks, we don’t have time for more than an exchange of how are yous. She’s an excellent teacher.

@Justsayit123 "Kraut and frog aren’t racist. They are terms old people use"

Bollocks. (That's another term old people use)

Glad you dumped her and decided to come and talk about how good you feel about it. I dumped a new friend recently that told someone in front of me that people do not say things like that anymore. It was harmless and not racist at all but I can’t deal with people correcting and telling people what should or they shouldn’t have said. There is a large amount of people lately acting like the police on what everyone is saying. It works two ways.

My in-laws make similar comments to the book cover one all the time - and they’re music teachers….
On the other hand, my mum occasionally comes out with out of date terms and is mortified when we gently pick her up on it. I think it is actually linked to memory loss and she fishes up the wrong word. She is in no way racist and actively brought us up to be anti-racist in the 70s when offensive language and attitudes were far more widespread.
OP, I agree that it sounds like her upset reaction means that she would be open to some gentle comments. Don’t drop her just yet.

I think you're being oversensitive OP.

I also think your pupil has got stuck in a time-warp.

There are 'nicknames' for all groups of people,. Brummies, Paddys, Scousers, Tykes, Meggies, Jocks,

and some that are deemed offensive Spiks, Dagos, Pakis , N***, Kraut, Froggies.

It seems your pupil hasn't caught up with the latest PC names.

I don't think it's your job to educate her but you are entitled to pick and choose what pupils you have, subject to certain conditions.:
Every business in the UK holds a right to refuse service to customers under certain conditions and providing they meet certain ethical guidelines, however, it’s not as simple as it sounds. Navigating this right can be difficult if you are unsure of how it works and one wrong decision could lead to expensive legal proceedings.

There are certain criteria you cannot use for refusal of service. The characteristics protected and therefore not lawful to use as reason for refusal of service include:

• Age
• Disabilities
• Gender or Gender Reassignment
• Marriage or Civil Partnership
• Pregnancy or Maternity
• Race
• Religion and Beliefs

Maybe you should get some legal advice OP?

I would tell her the "coloured" remark is racist language that is no longer appropriate in 2025. You would prefer that she stops using it in your presence.

Tell her about your French heritage and that using terms to describe French and German people could be interpreted as xenophobia. You're sure she didn't mean it in that way. If you notice a repeat of the behaviour after this, just sack her off.

I grew up up in a household using the words krauts and frogs. They were not used in a racist meant way, more like a nickname, though I get how they might be interpreted as such.
my elderly father also seems to always point out people’s origins / colour. It’s not hostile

i would speak to her

I think given this update, I'd probably say something like "Jean, I'm really sorry, but those words/terms are considered really rude now, and it makes me really uncomfortable hearing you use them. Could you stop please? I think it is carries on you may have to find a different teacher which would be a shame."

She's a pensioner, she grew up in a very different world. What was acceptable in her day is now considered offensive.

This will shock you OP, the words that we now consider to be "respectful" and "inclusive" will soon be looked upon as offensive too. People in the not too distant future will shake their heads at the vile and offensive language YOU use, to describe people. Each generation strives to be progressive and better than the last, and language is the easiest way to show much better you are than your parents generation. It doesn't require any skill or achievement, you can simply take offence at some words and pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

Remember when we had the Spastics Society?

Remember when being "confined to a wheelchair" was normal?

Remember when we all laughed at Little Britain?

Remember on The League Of Gentlemen when Papa Lazarou was funny?

Don't be too hard on the old dear (see, even I do it sometimes) she is just from a different generation. It might not be acceptable now, but it was once, and she's probably too old to change now.

@curious79 "I grew up up in a household using the words krauts and frogs. They were not used in a racist meant way, more like a nickname, though I get how they might be interpreted as such."

Yeah-just an affectionate little nickname. Sweet.