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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to drop racist student

260 replies

HeadacheEarthquake · 21/02/2025 00:36

Aibu to run a mile
Yes YABU teach her to behave
YaNBU - run away and find new clients

I am currently teaching a pensioner to the tune of £320 a month to play piano and violin

She has often referred to German composers as "Krauts" and French composers as "Frogs". She does not know I am part French.

I assumed this might be generational and have gently discouraged it but this weeknsje used the terms "gayboys" when referring to some local salon owners after a breezy conversation about nail polish then went on to remark thay the ABRSM books always seem to "have to have a coloured on the front"

I said "does that matter" and she was visibly shaken and messed up her piece terribly.

I want to end the lessons with her but would like to know whether anyone would consider paying something and appealing to her better nature and having a conversation about appropriate manner in lessons rather than just writing them off.

Yours,

A multinational teacher in turmoil.

OP posts:
TempestTost · 21/02/2025 18:18

Mirabai · 21/02/2025 12:54

It’s hard to know if this is naive or disingenuous.

It's accurate. But some honesty about linguistic development never stopped anyone from scolding people, that's for sure.

TankFlyBossW4lk · 21/02/2025 18:33

I have a sideline where I see clients. I make it an absolute blanket policy that I will not continue to see people who I don't think are nice. I do this because I have to give them my absolute best and it can be very challenging. I don't need the added burden of rudeness.

Honestly, it's just not worth the money seeing this woman. You're not going to change her mind now. She's not young. She'll continue to annoy you. Is she paying loads more than everyone else? Can you get someone else easily?

thepariscrimefiles · 21/02/2025 18:40

TempestTost · 21/02/2025 18:11

You don't know anything about the Cape Coloured, do you?

I've looked it up and Wikipedia says:

'The term "coloureds" is currently treated as a neutral description in Southern Africa, classifying people of mixed race ancestry. "Coloured" may be seen as offensive in some other western countries, such as Britain and the United States of America.'

Given that we have no evidence from OP that her racist pupil is South African, it does not exonerate her from using a term that is considered offensive in the UK.

MyLimeGuide · 21/02/2025 22:38

thepariscrimefiles · 21/02/2025 18:40

I've looked it up and Wikipedia says:

'The term "coloureds" is currently treated as a neutral description in Southern Africa, classifying people of mixed race ancestry. "Coloured" may be seen as offensive in some other western countries, such as Britain and the United States of America.'

Given that we have no evidence from OP that her racist pupil is South African, it does not exonerate her from using a term that is considered offensive in the UK.

Burn her!!! Like the witches!!😂

LaineyCee · 21/02/2025 22:44

Totally up to you how you spend your time. If you can afford to only teach pupils who share your attitudes and language, then no reason not to drop her.

Alternatively, you might decide that part of living your values is sharing them with others, even if doing so feels uncomfortable.

Whotenanny · 21/02/2025 23:04

It wouldn't bother me - I'd probably just gossip about it with my friends - but if you can either do without the income or can easily get a new student(s) to fill the pay then by all means drop her as a student.

Whotenanny · 21/02/2025 23:11

If calling Debussy a frog is so terrible then you may as well call the police. They'll probably be arrested for being so offensive 🤷

EBearhug · 22/02/2025 14:35

Off topic but I just came on to applaud you for getting a thorn character into the word þhink 👏
(though maybe there’s a simple explanation such as you are on an Icelandic keyboard)

I'm afraid it's an even simpler explanation, in that it was late at night, and if you stay on a key for any length of time, it offers accented options, in this case þ instead of T. But I do know what thorn is, and I'm wearing earrings from Iceland today, so perhaps it was subconscious, and not merely a typo...

HeadacheEarthquake · 23/02/2025 01:33

Whotenanny · 21/02/2025 23:11

If calling Debussy a frog is so terrible then you may as well call the police. They'll probably be arrested for being so offensive 🤷

Way to ignore the entire point

OP posts:
HeadacheEarthquake · 12/03/2025 00:11

Since my light chastisement those weeks ago, despite opportunities - not a single peep, and often good humored attempts to be more open minded...

OP posts:
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