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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When a relative bites your child

534 replies

Roberta2020 · 20/02/2025 15:27

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it.
Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'.
I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative.
The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten.
I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

OP posts:
Boredonafridaynight · 20/02/2025 15:33

That's basically assult... I would not have my child near that relative again

Organisedwannabe · 20/02/2025 15:36

Was this recently? Does the child still have bite marks? Then I would go to the police.

Dinosweetpea · 20/02/2025 15:37

You said nothing??? What is wrong with you?!

FedupMum2024 · 20/02/2025 15:37

What have you done to curb your child's biting habits?

QueenAstrid · 20/02/2025 15:40

FedupMum2024 · 20/02/2025 15:37

What have you done to curb your child's biting habits?

Missing the point much? OP assuming you won’t go to the police I would never see this relative again and let them know why.

needapokerface · 20/02/2025 15:40

My daughter bit me on the fleshy part of my boob when she was about 2, a full set of teeth marks were visible for hours and I bit her on her arm not as hard as she bit me but enough to know it hurts.

It was the 1st and last time she ever bit anyone.

Old school is sometimes the best way, as they have no idea how much it hurts till they experience it.

Member869894 · 20/02/2025 15:43

Are there bite marks? Was blood drawn?? That's very different from closing your teeth around an arm and biting gently to show how it can hurt. If it was the latter I really couldn't get worked up about this

ImDoneOnceAndForAll · 20/02/2025 15:44

So… You were raised
‘Being Respectful of elders’

Your child was raised
’Thinking it was ok for an adult to assault them’

Good job

GabriellaMontez · 20/02/2025 15:45

Someone hurt you child on purpose and you didn't say anything...

That's worrying. You are your child's protector.

Your concerns about 'respect' are misplaced.

Titasaducksarse · 20/02/2025 15:46

No, totally not ok.

Offredismysister · 20/02/2025 15:50

It is totally not ok for a relative to physically harm your child under the guise of discipline, which is also nothing to do with them.

You should report them to social care so they can arrange a child protection medical. Is your child verbal? If so they will probably tell someone at school or nursery.

SnowSnow · 20/02/2025 15:51

I would be absolutely fuming and probably never see them again!

TheLargestToblerone · 20/02/2025 15:51

Is this relative a dog? If yes, have it put down.
If no, then stop respecting them however old they are. Let people know what they did. Never see them again, and never let your child see them again. Go to the police if they left marks. Does your husband believe this person over your child and over you?

Sugargliderwombat · 20/02/2025 15:52

Nope id never see them again.

verycloakanddaggers · 20/02/2025 15:53

I'd never have my child in the same room.

That is criminal assault and you could report to the police.

Doingmybest12 · 20/02/2025 15:55

It's not ok and is abusive but it is an old fashioned parenting technique that some would do/have done without malice and it doesn't necessarily mean they present an ongoing risk of harm to children. You need to decide as the parent about how you feel about this. If you think it was malice then you should act accordingly to protect your child. If you think it was misguided parenting technique then you need to talk about this with the person or just not leave your child there if you can't trust them not to do it again. At the end of the day though I'd not tolerate a random relative doing this as I wouldn't expect them to correct this kind of behaviour in this way and I wouldn't allow them to care for my child.

suburburban · 20/02/2025 15:56

needapokerface · 20/02/2025 15:40

My daughter bit me on the fleshy part of my boob when she was about 2, a full set of teeth marks were visible for hours and I bit her on her arm not as hard as she bit me but enough to know it hurts.

It was the 1st and last time she ever bit anyone.

Old school is sometimes the best way, as they have no idea how much it hurts till they experience it.

I think so too

coxesorangepippin · 20/02/2025 15:57

Very, very odd

Doggymummar · 20/02/2025 15:58

My parents always did this if we punched, bit hair pulled etc. one time I stapled my brother's finger and I got stapled too. It it's someone 60 or older I don't think they realise times have changed.

How would you have dealt with it?

Ponderingwindow · 20/02/2025 15:59

“Respect your elders”?!? You are the parent. You are in charge. It is your job to protect your child, even if that means chastising someone older than you.

you need to think of yourself as the mother bear. She will do anything to protect her cubs.

whycantibeselfishforonce · 20/02/2025 15:59

I mean, I know people who have done this to teach their own child a lesson - not sure I agree with it. But, the relative who bit your DC is not their parent! WTF were they thinking. I was also brought up to respect my elders but this elder stepped over the line and hurt your child. I would've given them a piece of my mind and you are right to not trust them again.

It also isn't too late to talk to them and tell them how wrong they were to do this to your child and how upset you all are as a result.

Completelyjo · 20/02/2025 16:00

I mean you’re totally glossing over your this child doing the biting in the first place? Was it a bite or a general bit of pressure with teeth to show that actually when he bites very hard it hurts his sibling?

PeapodMcgee · 20/02/2025 16:00

needapokerface · 20/02/2025 15:40

My daughter bit me on the fleshy part of my boob when she was about 2, a full set of teeth marks were visible for hours and I bit her on her arm not as hard as she bit me but enough to know it hurts.

It was the 1st and last time she ever bit anyone.

Old school is sometimes the best way, as they have no idea how much it hurts till they experience it.

No that's not how a baby's brain works

Completelyjo · 20/02/2025 16:01

PeapodMcgee · 20/02/2025 16:00

No that's not how a baby's brain works

Show quote history

A 2 year old is actually perfectly capable of understanding many things and isn’t a baby.
They can definitely wrap their head around ‘biting hurts - we don’t do it’.

MikeRafone · 20/02/2025 16:01

PeapodMcgee · 20/02/2025 16:00

No that's not how a baby's brain works

Show quote history

A 2 year old isn’t a baby

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