When a relative bites your child

[Roberta2020]

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it.
Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'.
I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative.
The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten.
I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

See?

Indeed, what has been done to curb the adult relative's biting habits!

Also agreeing with others on taking action. I would not have any respect from an elder who did this. DC would never be near them again.

Were there marks?

An adult bit your child?

Some parents believe a bite back is a good method for prevention. Regardless of your beliefs , the person who did this is not the parent and should have no authority in disciplining your child. If it was a close relation who i previously had no issue with I would read them the riot act and assuming they were extremely apologetic I would let it go although I would not leave the child alone with them.

Anything less I would stop contact.

Because adults shouldn't be biting children ffs.

You bit a 2-year old? Of course she should have explained to a 2-year old a theory of actions having consequences, giving historic and domestic examples, reinforcing it with examples from literature.

Don’t think it was down to luck sweetheart

Yes, many don't do it, but it is common. You didn't do anything magic or special. Lots of people have only one biter out of their children, as kids are different.

Undesirable behaviours can be common and are therefore considered in the normal range.

A basic article explains here, obviously loads online about this from development experts www.bbc.co.uk/tiny-happy-people/articles/zpq4cmn
Biting is fairly common in children under 3, especially when lots of children are together. Nurseries are used to seeing this.

If the relative had bitten them, would there be teeth marks or bruising?

I hope it cured the child of his or her biting habits. I posted here before how my non-liberal gran cured my little brother and he stopped kicking me (4 years older), on the shin bone repeatedly. I was told my gran was unreasonable, but my brother never kicked anyone ever again.

I'm older than 60 and I wouldn't do it

And stapling is barbaric! Even back then!

Some people are so deluded. You really think the fact that your one year old never bit anyone was down to your parenting? Because unless they did it once, how would you even have had the opportunity to parent the behaviour appropriately?

Don't sweetheart me I've got 3 kids and 2 did it one didn't

Can always rely on mumsnet for proof that the dinosaurs are not in fact extinct.

was it a full on bite or a tiny nip to just say don't do it? Not that they should have done it, but there's a difference. I did pinch my DD when her friends had taught her to pinch and she pinched me, more by automatic reaction than deliberately, but she never did it again.

My sister was a biter as a child and constantly bit other kids at nursery and reception. My mum was constantly trying to get her to stop, telling her off etc. The one day my grandma, fed up of constantly hearing at the school gates from the teachers that her grandchild had bitten another child, bit her on the arm to show her what it was like. My mum was mortified and told my grandma she shouldn’t have done it, but to be fair my sister never bit another child again and grew up perfectly adjusted with a wonderful relationship with our grandma.

I also had 1 biter and 2 that never did it, I parented them all the same.

Are you serious? A person with all the power -the adult - bites a child and you don’t think that is abuse because a very young child bit first? Pretty sure the law would not agree with you here.

Sometimes I think I’m not a good enough parent because I occasionally don’t play enthusiastically enough with my DC. Then I come on MN & remember some people justify biting toddlers and I realise I’m doing fine.

I am so very tired of the hyperbolic nonsense around parenting. Just because it’s not the done thing for adults to bite toddlers in 2025 doesn’t mean “no one is disciplining their children anymore” or claims they are “exploring with their mouths”. If people can’t think of a single way to address a toddler biting without biting them too I am deeply embarrassed for those people.

35 years ago my usually very calm and gentle DM bit my DN because they kept biting their younger sibling. This was in front of my DSis. DSis was so shocked she said nothing, but mentioned it to me several times afterwards. I think she's still shocked. It was old school back then.

The biter in this instance obviously knows they did wrong because they're lying about it. I would take them aside and respectfully tell them exactly what I thought about it. And no, they wouldn't be left alone with the child again.

Presumably, you were being ineffective in stopping your child biting others and perhaps other annoying behaviours?

If that’s the case, then I’d support the grandparent. Presumably, they didn’t draw blood but just gave the child pause for thought?

Ineffective parenting is the bane of everyone’s lives at the moment.

It's against the law to bite children.
Whatever the reason.
Hope that helps.

All these posters advocating biting a child to stop them biting… have none of you ever trained a puppy? Because I’m guessing you didn’t bite a puppy back?

I fully agree.