When a relative bites your child

[Roberta2020]

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it.
Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'.
I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative.
The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten.
I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

Mmm, when I was 17 my cousin bit me right through my jeans leaving top and bottom marks on my leg. So I took his arm and pretended to bite him, not hurt him, just so he knew others have teeth too. Didn´t leave mark or anything! He looked absolutely indignant. Didn´t cry or anything. I told his mum and why, and sometime later she said to me he hadn´t bitten anyone since then, the one before me being when he viciously bit a Polish girl on the face to get her off a swing he wanted. This had got her into trouble with said girls family. So perhaps your approach was just what he needed, she said. But this was the 90s. Whole different world then.

I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing

There is no 'obviously' about it. You are failing in your duty to protect your children.

I was raised to protect children, so I would have torn a strip off that relative and then reported them to the police.

A (presumably) adult relative bit your child and you "obviously said nothing"?

What the actual fuck? You need to step up for your kids.

Sometimes I wish Mumsnet wasn't anonymous...

A child psychologist once recommended to my dear friend that when her toddler was attacking her older sister, that the older sister should pull her hair hard but not too hard in return and it would stop. Friend found it ridiculous and thought wtf is wrong with the psychologist teaching assault against assault and whilst on holiday after her older daughter was attacked by the younger one numerous times that day, my friend told her older daughter to pull her younger sisters hair if she ever bit, hit, pulled her hair and so on. So the toddler attacked the older sister again that day and this time the older sister grabbed her hair and pulled it hard enough to shock the toddler. My friend swears by it that to this day, the two girls are now younger and older teens now and the little one has never ever touched her older sister ever again. Don't shoot the messenger...

I can't believe you didn't say anything. Honestly, if someone bit my kid, regardless of whether my kid bit them first, I would be raising merry hell and there's no chance I would have anything to do with them ever again. All this I'll bite them to show how it feels it utter bullshit. It's abuse, pure and simple and it's wrong on every level. Jesus, can't believe some of the stuff I read on here sometimes.

YOUR DAUGHTER!
Not someone else’s!!!

Fucking hell. She was TWO.

It's an old style tactic, how old is your dc, do they bite their brother, have the relative left bite marks. I'd talk to them, ask them why they bit dc, it's not appropriate and they need to explain and apologise. I wouldn't leave them unattended with relative though.did either you or your husband witness it.

They can definitely wrap their head around ‘biting hurts - we don’t do it’. but their parents do bite, so why would they 'understand' they don't?

I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child,

Being respectful does not extend to condoning cruelty and assault. Your job is to protect your defenceless child!

Do not leave your child alone with his person ever again. Apart from the nastiness of such an action it is thick and ignorant. Children are quite old before they develop ‘theory of mind’, I.e the ability to project how they feel on to another person.

I would be very direct and clear, say ‘following the incident the other day I need to make it clear that we will never ever use corporal discipline on our child and will protect them from anyone who believes it is ok or the right approach. So I need your assurance that such a thing will never happen again’

That wouldn’t even be disrespectful. Respect isn’t letting someone do anything they like!

You're a shocking mum to not of stood up for your child never ever let that happen again, you're letting others control you into thinking that because there older they can get away with stuff, respect is earned. I'm raging

Exactly! Same rationale as smacking.

Tell children not to bite/hit others by biting/hitting them. Erm OK

@Dozycuntlaters
Why is it abuse if it's just doing something to someone that they did to you??

personally its omg method and all the best op

I think without knowing how much or how bad the biting is, who the relative is, why they thought they needed to do this, the way they treat your DC in general its impossible to answer.

I agree and I don’t want to be harsh but you’ve failed your child there. You allow someone to assault him and don’t say anything?!!

because two wrongs dont make a right

Pulling pigtails too

Why is your child biting people?

@ACatNamedRobin of course it's still abuse, no matter what the circumstances. I don't see how an adult biting a child, or actually anyone really, can be seen as any other way.

I'd have ensured said adult couldn't bite my child again by knocking their fuckin teeth out.
(Do not take the above advice, I'm mad on your behalf) ❤️
Although I expect they'd report you to the police for assault, the irony eh?
They have assaulted your child, I'd certainly teach your child that this is not OK, I'd start by never having this person around your dc again.
Who actually bites a child?
I'm going to assume the adult is a relative in your dhs side of the family as they've denied it to him?
Do not let your dh play it down, you need to show your dc that both parents will protect them.

WTH have I just read? Adults, claiming it's more than okay and an 'old school' parenting technique for adults to bite children. And on Mumsnet, no less.

Strong statement though it is, I make no apology for pointing out that some of these responses are FUBAR.

If an adult bit my child I would literally phone the police.

Being respectful of elders doesn't mean you idly stand by while someone bites your child.

If an adult walked up to you in the street and bit you, it would be assault. Why then is it okay to not speak up when someone bites your child?

You need to address it. And your child needs to not be in this persons company,