Children- would you do it again?

[AtWitsEnd21]

I was scrolling the other day and came across a viral video of a mother saying her dream was to be a mother but it hasn’t been what she thought it would be and wished she had dreamed bigger. Many of the comments were from mothers saying if they had the choice again, they would remain childless.

Personally, I have mixed feelings. Having children has meant extreme sacrifice- stress, sleep, money, interests, an always clean and tidy house, nights out and away, my appearance has suffered because I’m so sleep deprived I look about 10 years older. I love my children more than anything but it has been so hard.

Just interested in what other people’s feelings are

No I wouldn't

I’m so sleep deprived I look about 10 years older.

Ugh, me too. I'm so so so tired.

However, I'm clinging onto the hope that things will get easier. How old are yours? Mine are 4 and 1, I'm in the thick of it.

I think that if I hadn't had kids, there'd come a time when I'd have felt sad and regretful. I don't regret having them, I just wish it was a bit easier atm

I wouldn't. Nothing to do with the effect they've had on me, finances, career etc. My DCs are amazing and enrich my life so much.

However, I constantly worry about their future and the world I've condemned them to grow up in. It's not fair that I've forced that upon them and I didn't think carefully enough at the time.

I think I probably would have done, but I'd have stuck with one and I'd have had that one maybe 5 years later than I did

Don't get me wrong I love them both with my entire being but they're bloody hard work 😂

Yes - I think because I travelled so much/enjoyed myself thoroughly throughout my 20s/early 30s that I don’t have any FOMO.

So now (though stressful and hard at times) I’m just enjoying life in a different way. With the little people I love the most.

I would absolutely have them again! Mine are 9 and 12 and pretty low maintenance currently. The first 5 years were really hard going with sleep deprivation but also full of so much joy! Also through having children we've made both sets of our parents grandparents and brought everyone even closer. They have definitely brought purpose and more meaning to my life. I think if I hadn't had children I'd be feeling a little lost. Richer...but lost.

I absolutely would. It’s always been my biggest dream to be a mother and I would say having a child is everything I thought it would be. It is very hard, but I was expecting that, and it’s also amazing and rewarding.

Best thing I ever did and the greatest joy of my life. If I had my time again I'd have twice as many.

I definitely would. I have an empty nest now. Its shit. I feel lost and empty without them. Id hate to feel like this all my life.

I would it all again but would have bought a bigger house to begin with and had one more child. Dh only wanted 1 we compromised on 2 but I’m sure if we had more room I could have persuaded him to have another one.

I wish I’d frozen my eggs and waited 10 years to have them. So unfair men don’t have to worry about biological timings!

Also wish I’d focused on my career more, and travelled more, and bought a house earlier rather than renting for years!

Hmm. Having children showed me that I could have had a happy and fulfilling life without children, something I didn't believe before I had them. It would have been different but equally good. And part of me does yearn for that life.

That said, I would definitely do it all again if I could be guaranteed to get DD, because she is basically perfect and worth every ounce of sacrifice, but I don't know if I'd run the risk of having a different child.

I wasn't keen on having children but I did.
Best thing ever for me.
They are adults now and it's been a great journey and we spend so much time together on social activities.

I think what made it easier for me was having a totally involved dh who put me and the boys in the centre of his world and made sure I got rest, time to do things I wanted etc.
Dh has never changed and me and the (adult) kids are still everything to him.

I don't get the vote. Which one is YABU and which one YANBU?

I have no regrets. The baby years were tough but having a child is the most meaningful thing I have done. People who say they regret it often talk about missing on travel and other things that I find a bit vacuous.

Without question.

Yes.

I think a lot of women end up regretting children because their DH turns out to be a rubbish partner and father. It doesn't matter so much when you're child-free but children really put pressure on all of your relationship's weak points. This either leaves the woman trapped in resentment or as a co-parent. It's easy for people in these situations to look back and think about how great things were before children. That's what I've noticed amongst the women I know that regret becoming mothers.

no way

Yes, my child has given me a sense of purpose and a sense of self outside of work. I am mother.

I had a decent time in my 20s so don't have too much fomo. The day to day struggle to keep on top of life and maintain my relationship isn't going to last forever I hope and isn't reason enough to wish the babies away. I'm not much of a hedonist.

Every time. Sometimes I wish I'd been in a situation to have more - we have two and that's definitely right for us, but in different circumstances I'd have loved a little tribe...

If I could guarantee the same children again, i'd give myself 2 or 3 more years before having them, I was 29 when I had my first, so could have waited a few more years, had a bit more sleep, gone on a few more relaxing holidays etc etc, but yes I would definitely still have had them.

On a personal/family level, yes I would absolutely do it it again. There have been incredibly tough times, but on balance the joy and sense of purpose and fulfillment have been totally worth it.

My main reservation about having children was that I found it incredibly difficult to not be sure that they would have a good future. On a personal level this has worked fine/well so far, but when I think about politics/climate/AI - the jury is very much out! But then again I will probably be unable to decide if I did the right thing for another 30-50 years....

No. I love my daughter. I have a great career and a lovely boyfriend but without an autistic teen there are loads of things I could do. It probably doesn't help that her dad is rubbish (undiagnosed ND / mental health issues are not helping him). Without being a mum I'd have taken one of the international jobs I'd been offered over the years. Having a kid (particularly a ND one) limits your flexibility.

I would do it again, because DD is so lovely and I'm so happy she exists and is my daughter. BUT I do wish there was a way to also experience a parallel life where I didn't get married OR have a child, and I live alone, maybe in the middle of a cool city and just do whatever I want (I am aware that not having children doesn't necessarily correlate to "doing whatever you want" but in my fantasy I have plenty of money and am able to do just that).

Yes, and I think I'd have them a couple of years earlier than I did. Dd1 was born just before I turned 30 and I turn 40 very soon. It would be nice to have the income we have now but with that little bit more freedom that you get with slightly older children. I'd like to be able to do things like join in a drink after work and get back at 6 rather than leaving at 4 and rushing home to pick them up from mums. Or go to the pool on the weekend at 6 for an hour because they would be alright inthe house. I know that will happen though so I may just be wishing my life away!

I'm not sure I would have answered the same when dd1 was a year old though! I struggled then

No I wouldn't. I became a mother and lost who I was.