Children- would you do it again?

[AtWitsEnd21]

I was scrolling the other day and came across a viral video of a mother saying her dream was to be a mother but it hasn’t been what she thought it would be and wished she had dreamed bigger. Many of the comments were from mothers saying if they had the choice again, they would remain childless.

Personally, I have mixed feelings. Having children has meant extreme sacrifice- stress, sleep, money, interests, an always clean and tidy house, nights out and away, my appearance has suffered because I’m so sleep deprived I look about 10 years older. I love my children more than anything but it has been so hard.

Just interested in what other people’s feelings are

I wish I'd have had the confidence to go for four, rather than just three. So if I could do it all again, that's what I'd change.

I agree that every generation faces challenges and maybe ours are no worse than previously. But that doesn't stop me worrying. Maybe I'm just the sort of person who shouldn't have had children?

I don't regret having my children, I regret not living a bit more before having them.

Can I ask what relevance that has to what you quoted me on

No I wouldn't.

So much went wrong for me, my health plummeted significantly and only worsened.
SEN kids. So much stress worry and heartache.

Yes I would but 5/10 years earlier!

Yes, i would, in a heart beat. My dc's are all teenagers. When they were little my DD was an amazing sleeper but my ds's were awful and I probably had 3 hours solid sleep until they were around 4 years old. I am an older mum and wished I had my dc's when I was younger.

Agree with this.

my daughter is now 14 and she’s the best kid I could have ever asked for!…. BUT she’s rare and the stories she tells about kids taking knives to school, alcohol, vapes, drugs etc and naked photos being shared is terrifying!!!
Like I say she’s great and very emotionally mature, but she’s already said she doesn’t want to bring children into this world!

Same, did loads of backpacking, some mad things and didn't have my children (twins) until my early 40s. Some of it was hard but all in all loved every minute of it and

The what world am I bringing them into? Question is as old as time.
My DC1 was born when we were at was with Ireland.
As was DC2.
DC3 was born at the high of New Labour. Then we went to war in Iraq.
There is no good time and you will never have enough money.

Definitely would have DC1.

Lost an unplanned baby at 24 weeks, DC2.
Afterwards I was stupidly desperate to have another.

DC3 is an adult. They are a nasty, greedy, manipulative, bully, I fear they are likely to be in trouble with the law.
They have relationship problems.
DC3 was like this as a toddler.
They had every test and screening you can imagine, including second opinions, nothing to diagnose.

Neither DC knows about DC2 and we wanted all DCs very much.

DC1 and 3 have excellent opportunities, great educations, both are academic.
We are happily married.
We have always emphasised that we want them to be happy.

The only potential question mark is a close member of DH's family who was/is a notorious villain.

Between ourselves we have wondered whether DC3 really is nature, rather than nurture.

I love my two children so much but regret who their fathers are, I wish I’d been in a better place before having them and experienced much happier birth/early days stories.
I do get scared about knife/gun/drug crime etc
as they grow up.
They have both expressed no desire to bring children into ‘this crap world’ (their words!) which I totally understand but do wonder if their circumstances were different growing up they would think differently

I don't regret having kids at all & if I had my time over would definitely have them again. I can't imagine what my life would've looked like without my two. we had an amazing life together & I guess I've experienced things I'd probably not have if I was childless. Also I'm now blessed with a Grandchild so that's another thing I would've missed out on if I'd not had kids.