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Original poster

Children- would you do it again?

287 replies

AtWitsEnd21 · 20/02/2025 09:31

I was scrolling the other day and came across a viral video of a mother saying her dream was to be a mother but it hasn’t been what she thought it would be and wished she had dreamed bigger. Many of the comments were from mothers saying if they had the choice again, they would remain childless.

Personally, I have mixed feelings. Having children has meant extreme sacrifice- stress, sleep, money, interests, an always clean and tidy house, nights out and away, my appearance has suffered because I’m so sleep deprived I look about 10 years older. I love my children more than anything but it has been so hard.

Just interested in what other people’s feelings are

OP posts:
Completelyjo · 20/02/2025 09:55

What does “dream bigger” even mean?
Work more?

I would definitely have my kids again in an do-over. Even in my lowest parenting moments I would still want that.

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 20/02/2025 09:55

100% yes.

ringmybe11 · 20/02/2025 09:56

I would, having DS has brought a happiness and contentment that I've never felt before and gives my life an additional meaning. It's really hard work and there are things I wish I could do/fit in, but I've never been happier.

Ferrazzuoli · 20/02/2025 09:57

Yes, I would definitely do it again (I have three teens). It's been an overwhelmingly positive experience for me.

However, I do think it's great that people have the choice now, whereas previously it was more of an expectation that you would.

Original poster
AtWitsEnd21 · 20/02/2025 09:57

I don’t think I have FOMO as such, or at least the things I feel I may have missed out I don’t dwell on. There are just times when I think about how much easier life was before DC. Maybe it’s just the point I’m at with a 1.5 year old and a 3 year old. It feels like I’m just surviving day to day with nothing of myself left. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person looking back, im so tired and worn down by the constant stream of illness, crying, no sleep. My DH does pull his weight, but he works long hours so most of the domestic and caring duties fall to me.

OP posts:
ringmybe11 · 20/02/2025 09:57

I should add that we thought long and hard and decided to only have 1 child. I suspect I could feel differently if I had more children as I'd have even less time for myself and would likely be more tired juggling needs of different children. I often think I don't know how parents of multiple young children cope!

pinkroses79 · 20/02/2025 09:57

Yes I definitely would. They have been my greatest joy despite any difficulties along the way.

littlekipling · 20/02/2025 09:58

Absolutely. My only regret is not having more. I was 39 with my first (not through want of trying much earlier) now I'm 43 and heartbroken I probably won't have more.

It's been incredibly hard but I wouldn't change it.

BloodyKellHen · 20/02/2025 09:59

My children are my favourite people in the world, I love them very much.
If I knew the challenges I’d go through as their parent though, I’m not 100% sure I’d do it again!
I might have lots of dogs instead.

HowardTJMoon · 20/02/2025 10:00

In isolation then yes, absolutely I would do it again. I love being a father and while it wasn't always easy it was absolutely worth the effort.

But I worry about the world I've brought my children in to. The world of today looks a lot different to the world of the late 90s when DS was born. I try not to think about what the world could be like in another 20-30 years.

BeaAndBen · 20/02/2025 10:01

If I’d known before I had children what the consequences would be - even 20 years or more down the line - I wouldn’t have decided to have kids. I had no idea the permanent toll it would take on my body.

But if I had my time over I would still have them because I also know about the sheer joy those young people are - remarkable, wonderful, funny, inventive, independent , difficult and amazing individuals.

The world needs more people like them in it, not fewer.

Thmssngvwlsrnd · 20/02/2025 10:04

RoundLid · 20/02/2025 09:43

Best thing I ever did and the greatest joy of my life. If I had my time again I'd have twice as many.

Same. I just wish I'd met my OH earlier so I could have had more. I hope I have grandchildren one day, and that I'm young enough to enjoy them.

LemonFish · 20/02/2025 10:04

I'm never going to be NOT worried again. She's 0 and even in 40 years time, if I'm still alive I'll be worried about her.

That the stress, love and worry will never go has gotten to me but if I answer honestly, and annomously on the internet if I regret it? No. I was horribly jealous of women with babies and when I get to hug mine and she does her little 'wiggle wiggle' I feel I've won the lottery.

But I've got quite a few childless friends and family and I say clearly - don't have a child just because of FOMO because you're probably not. If you've a burning passion then you'll get through.

Unpaidviewer · 20/02/2025 10:04

Raising my DS will be my biggest and best accomplishment. I completely adore him and I wish I could slow time down as he's growing so quickly.

I do worry about the future and the world we have brought him into. All I can do is try amd set him up as well as I possibly can for life.

What does dream bigger even mean?

Glitter0 · 20/02/2025 10:05

Yes! But I also chose to have kids nearer 40 and then after 40, so I had the best time in my 20’s and 30’s, which meant I felt ready for them.

Hunkermedown · 20/02/2025 10:05

Yes, I think so but it's not an easy question as I identify with a lot of your feelings around the topic.

When things are good I enjoy their company so much and it's taught me so much about myself. I did not enjoy the baby years so in an ideal world they would be born toddlers, watching them learn to talk and see their personalities develop was a time id like to go back and watch again.

Overall my children have been easy in that I'm lucky they are healthy and don't have additional needs. Still, the sacrifices are real and I am guilty of putting myself last; which at times backfires.

So it's a yes! I'd do it all again

Pussycat22 · 20/02/2025 10:05

Yes but know what I know now !!!

Weddingbells6 · 20/02/2025 10:06

No regrets but wouldn’t have them in the next life if that was a thing. I would travel the world without packing everyone’s bags, eat wonderful food without having someone steal it, take a bath without someone needing a poo etc etc.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/02/2025 10:08

ssd · 20/02/2025 09:44

I definitely would. I have an empty nest now. Its shit. I feel lost and empty without them. Id hate to feel like this all my life.

You can’t be an empty nester if you never built a nest on the first place, though.

My kids are also off at uni, the eldest is unlikely to return home after he graduates. I don’t feel the empty nest thing though. I DO worry about them so much, about their futures, getting a good job and being able to support themselves, their health and well-being.

so for me the main issue with kids apart from all the things that have been mentioned, is the sheer worry over them, which won’t ever stop. That’s added stress that someone without children wouldn’t have. I didn’t anticipate that at all. It didn’t even cross my mind that I’d feel like that even when they are adults.

i would still do it again, because I like being a family, particularly now mine is shrinking at the top with older extended family dying off. I like havg interesting young adults in the family , and now their partners, too, adds to the family dynamic. but I having said all this, i would want to mentally prepare myself better for all the unanticipated stuff first.

Carwashandthemoog · 20/02/2025 10:08

No. Not because I don't adore them with every cell in my body, I would kill and die for my dc but as a natural born worrier I didn't take in to account just how much I would stress over my kids and now at 17 and 19 I think that I worry about them more than I ever have.

Getitwright · 20/02/2025 10:11

Child free by choice, and absolutely no regrets. I like children, (once they are around 3/4) but don’t miss having my own. Life would have been a lot more stressful, too many compromises to contemplate, and I know I would have been bored, tired and not nice to be around. Love our little neice’s and nephews though, happy to spend time with them, but there’s satisfaction in handing them back to parents as well. Vive La difference!

Togglebullets · 20/02/2025 10:11

Yes I would, 100%. I do worry a lot about it being a selfish decision because of the state of the world but being a parent has been the best thing that ever happened to me.

NorthernGirl1981 · 20/02/2025 10:12

I love my children so much and they bring so much joy and happiness to my life……BUT …… I often wonder how life would be without them.

Me and DH often having musings on how much different our life would be if we didn’t have children….the holidays, the money, the quiet, the tidy house, the freedom…..

We would never be without our children but if reincarnation is real, I would love to see what living life child-free is like!

mimblewimble · 20/02/2025 10:13

If I could start again, I'd only have children with a partner who was very emotionally available, more extroverted and loved kids. And I'd possibly stop at one child.

ACynicalDad · 20/02/2025 10:14

Would do it again every time, luckily both of ours were sleepers and they are now KS2 age which is great, no sas, but able to do most things themselves.