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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a four year old downstairs alone for about an hour?

293 replies

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 07:04

We have recently changed bedtime routine. DS is 4 and has eczema and it’s been recommended we limit baths. I also have a toddler and for both of them since birth pretty much the routine has been bath, teeth, books and bed. Because DS isn’t now joining in the bath routine he’s watching TV downstairs on his own. I feel awful and I asked him last night if he’d like to watch my iPad upstairs instead but he said no … Should I put my foot down?

OP posts:
Yoheresthestory · 20/02/2025 07:06

What? You cannot be serious. He’s 4 and you’re in the house. He can call your name or you can yell downstairs every now and then. What are you concerned about? That he’ll be lonely?

MyUmberSeal · 20/02/2025 07:06

I think if he is happy downstairs then all good, you’ve no reason to put your foot down as there is nothing to put your foot down over. He might be glad of the peace and quiet 🤣.

Panickingnowhelp · 20/02/2025 07:07

I dont understand the problem, what could happen to the child downstairs on their own where presumably you can call down to them?
If they're just missing the bath bit why does that even take an hour?
Your child will be fine, they don't need to be glued to mummy.
Unless of course you're going to say they're an escape artist and your house opens out on to the motorway.

Curlymam88 · 20/02/2025 07:07

Id leave him to it if he's happy enough and can't get into any trouble/danger. Or you could ask if he wants to 'help you out with bath time' pass you bottles, the towels etc

AlwaysCoffee25 · 20/02/2025 07:08

It’s fine. I used to do this (and still do but oldest is nearly 6) whilst I settled the youngest for bed.

LovelyLeitrim · 20/02/2025 07:08

It can’t be an hour just fir bath, but he’s fine do stairs anyway.

FfsNotNow · 20/02/2025 07:09

My 4 year old quite often takes herself off to play independently. It's fine. But why does bath take an hour?

Cornflakes44 · 20/02/2025 07:09

I leave my four year old while I'm putting the younger one down. If she's watching tv she'll sit still and just do that. If she wasn't doing that I'd worry she'd get in something, break it, make a mess etc. I'd be less worried about safety though more what she'd get up to, I also wouldn't worry about loneliness. They spend so much of their time with other people I think it might be nice for them to be alone sometimes.

DorothyStorm · 20/02/2025 07:10

I disagree with pp. an hour is a very ling time. Why is it an hour? The toddler doesn't need an hour long bath. You cannot igniore a small child for an hour.

Original poster
downthesteps · 20/02/2025 07:10

Thanks. It just feels like a long time and it’s dark and we’re remote so I was feeling really guilty.

Dd having a bath, getting out of the bath, nappy and pyjamas, teeth, reading books, into sleeping bag and into cot takes around an hour.

OP posts:
Yoheresthestory · 20/02/2025 07:12

I don’t understand why you don’t pop down between things? And yes an hour is long but the kid will come find mummy if bored or unsure of anything. It’s a 4 yr old.

susiedaisy1912 · 20/02/2025 07:13

Yes you put your foot down. You are the parent. Your 4 year old needs to be upstairs when you bath your Dd

Original poster
downthesteps · 20/02/2025 07:14

Yoheresthestory · 20/02/2025 07:12

I don’t understand why you don’t pop down between things? And yes an hour is long but the kid will come find mummy if bored or unsure of anything. It’s a 4 yr old.

Because I have a child in the bath or that I’m trying to get to sleep.

OP posts:
crosskeysgreen · 20/02/2025 07:14

I blame social media for the fact that mothers feel guilty about just about everything.

What are you going to be passing on to our children?

It's reached crazy levels.

Perhaps our children's parenting pendulum will swing and they'll have to have adverts at midnight again to remind them to find out where their children are.

Overthebow · 20/02/2025 07:15

He’ll likely be fine and I leave my 4 year old downstairs, but an hour is a long time and I definitely wouldn’t do it every day. Does it really take and hour to do bath and bed for one child? I’d speed up that process if you’re putting them to bed one after the other, we also have a one year old and it takes around 39 minutes for bedtime here.

crosskeysgreen · 20/02/2025 07:15

susiedaisy1912 · 20/02/2025 07:13

Yes you put your foot down. You are the parent. Your 4 year old needs to be upstairs when you bath your Dd

Why? Mental

Moonnstars · 20/02/2025 07:17

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 07:10

Thanks. It just feels like a long time and it’s dark and we’re remote so I was feeling really guilty.

Dd having a bath, getting out of the bath, nappy and pyjamas, teeth, reading books, into sleeping bag and into cot takes around an hour.

Why can't the 4 year old still join in with stories?

I am assuming from your first post that they used to bath together, so surely they would have had the same routine just without the bath. Once toddler is out of the bath, why don't you call the 4 year old up to get them in their PJ's and to do their teeth, same as before?

ScaryM0nster · 20/02/2025 07:19

Overthebow · 20/02/2025 07:15

He’ll likely be fine and I leave my 4 year old downstairs, but an hour is a long time and I definitely wouldn’t do it every day. Does it really take and hour to do bath and bed for one child? I’d speed up that process if you’re putting them to bed one after the other, we also have a one year old and it takes around 39 minutes for bedtime here.

As a calibration point for others:

Some children might do bath and bed that fast. Others can take a lot more than an hour.

OP, long as they know they’re welcome to come up, and you go down if they call (accept it might be inconvenient and you take a wet child down mid bath occasionally). Then it’s fine.

Original poster
downthesteps · 20/02/2025 07:20

@Moonnstars he has his own books. When I read to both of them it’s a nightmare with them squabbling over who gets to lift flaps (dds preferred books) or turn pages or sit on my lap. So much easier to do one at a time. This will obviously change but right now it’s not really enjoyable for anyone if we all read together.

OP posts:
susiedaisy1912 · 20/02/2025 07:21

Because her 4 year old doesn't get to dictate where in the house he will be for an hour unsupervised. I know every child is different but what if he decides to answer the door or go into the kitchen and start microwaving food etc or wander off in the garden or stick a screwdriver in a plug socket 🤷🏻‍♀️Small children need supervision.

RedRobyn2021 · 20/02/2025 07:23

You know what's funny is I posted about a month ago about my almost 4yo (who is now evidently 4yo) and in the post I mentioned she went downstairs on her own and went into the fridge and got some chocolate out then came back to tell me she had got said chocolate.

Anyway I got completely roasted that she could go downstairs on her own.

Yet everyone in this post is saying you're the ridiculous one and he should be fine being downstairs completely alone for an entire hour.

I would personally say it depends on his personality, if you think he's going to start trying to make himself a cup of tea or use the microwave then absolutely not. But if he's just watching tv then yeah. You're the parent, do whatever you feel comfortable with. I don't think it's unreasonable to want him upstairs on the iPad though.

Happyinarcon · 20/02/2025 07:24

I feel like the odd one out but I would only do this if I had a nanny cam with a speaker to keep an eye on him. My child was always getting up to some mischief whenever I turned my back

IButtleSir · 20/02/2025 07:29

I would say it totally depends on the personality/behaviour of your four-year-old. If he can be trusted to just sit and watch TV that whole time, fine. If he's liable to start climbing the bookcases, then no.

Icecreamfactory · 20/02/2025 07:30

I wouldn’t leave my 4 year old alone downstairs for an hour not because they can’t be left but because they wouldn’t stay there on their own for that long, they’d come and find me anyway! But also I think it’s a bit strange to just leave them for an hour on their own just watching tv or the iPad. It’s a long time compared to say 10 minutes.

Can’t they bath together? Or if not, do a 15 min bath one after the other. Both upstairs whilst you change into PJs then read some picture books together in your bed one each side. Older one then goes into their bedroom whilst you put younger one to bed then you could read the older one a story before putting them to bed.

Original poster
downthesteps · 20/02/2025 07:30

I’m not worried about him getting up to no good, he might empty a toy box but he wouldn’t try to get out and the doors are locked anyway. I just worry he’s had to grow up a lot. It’s sometimes easy to forget he’s still very young as well.

OP posts: