To leave a four year old downstairs alone for about an hour?

[downthesteps]

We have recently changed bedtime routine. DS is 4 and has eczema and it’s been recommended we limit baths. I also have a toddler and for both of them since birth pretty much the routine has been bath, teeth, books and bed. Because DS isn’t now joining in the bath routine he’s watching TV downstairs on his own. I feel awful and I asked him last night if he’d like to watch my iPad upstairs instead but he said no … Should I put my foot down?

He enjoys watching the TV as it’s a programme DD doesn’t like, and you inevitably have to wait for whatever episode he’s on to end.

Not this. He can watch the programme another time. I'd still make him join in the bedtime routine. Otherwise don't you have to then start it again with him once the toddler is in bed?

It’s a long time and I have similar guilt/worry. What I do with my older one is have her snuggled in our bed with a Yoto player – she’s less likely to interrupt bedtime (and delay the toddler sleeping for 8,000 hours) if she’s upstairs and cosy, she gets frightened alone downstairs in the dark. She’s fine in summer!

My DD used to wake up early, toddle into the kitchen and she found her way into a cupboard and ate 7 entire bananas in one go.
She was 3.
I was asleep and she didn’t wake me.
I had an absolute panic attack that she was going to have a potassium overdose.

Some children are just super independent and there’s very little you can do to curb it 😂

Do people not realise that four year olds go to school?

They get an hour for lunch play and not every child is watched by an adult. School field and playgrounds are huge and they play all over the place.

Assuming your living room isn’t full of knives, your child should be perfectly safe and knows where you are if he needs you.

Is he within earshot? Is he happy? Does he know he can come and find you at any point and you won’t get cross even if it’s just as you’re getting them off to sleep?
If yes to all of the above then it obviously works well for your family and I’d carry on as you are!

But if you’re not exactly happy leaving him for that long for whatever reason then the obvious solution is to speed up the youngest’s bedtime routine. No way does that need to take an hour. 10 minutes bath, 2 minutes brushing teeth, 2 minutes getting dressed, 10 minutes stories - should be well done and dusted within half an hour even if they like you to sit for a few minutes whilst they fall asleep.

He is not in danger, though I would not have my small child watching TV. (Blue light stimulates brain and inhibits sleep)
I would get him part ready for bed along with toddler, but ask him to choose his books and look at them near his bed while you bathe toddler.

I have a larger family but my advice would be to get your older child ready for bed first and leave him reading in bed (or playing quietly in his room) while you bath your younger child and put dc2 to bed, then go back into dc1s room to read and lights off. That way you are fostering a no screens and wind down time before sleep, can be near dc2 while they drop off but busy and have a dedicated one to one time with both.
I used to have a basket on each bed with some books and related toys which meant I could switch things around for them and add the occasional new book or toy. Bedtime should be something you look forward to not avoid and I am at my worst in the early evening so it was easier to have everything set up.

He’s 4. I assume quite capable of coming to find you if needs you

as long as doors are locked and he’s sensible I don’t see the issue

equally you can bath dd (not sure it takes 30m unless trying to while away time) then go and check on ds or shout down for him to come up and he listens to his Tonie box and you do the stories with dd

so he’s alone for 30m not an hour

or

you tell him he watches iPad on your bed

Why does it have to be screen time for an hour? Leave him to play. He's only 4. Neither of my kids had any unsupervised screen time till they were about 11 or 12. (They're now 14 and 19 and now screen users of course, but b they thank me for screen free early years(Don't get into the habit of it. Left without a screen they learn to play by themselves. Keep themselves amused, explore their imagination. You could put on an audio book?

I used to follow the no screens advice but it doesn’t affect his sleep. Plus he does have a good half hour of reading before bed. It isn’t the screens, it’s the alone thing I worry about really.

I think it’s fine, but both of my kids have been happy to entertain themselves at that age. DD was an early riser, if she woke up before my alarm went off she would get up and go downstairs for cereal and put the TV on. She started to do this in the summer before reception so would have been 4yo. Ds played unsupervised in the garden from even younger.

Re the eczema, for those saying no harm in bathing every night, it can be different for different people. My friends dd needed a bath everyday with whole body lotion to keep hers at a minimum. Bathing made my ds so much worse so I stopped bathing him
altogether and he only had a quick shower after swimming once per week, flannel was where needed the other days. Eczema went from keeping him awake all night to pretty much gone in 6 months, with no need for emollient cream

He does pretty much all day @Goodenoughisgoodenough . By 6 ish everyone is a bit tired and cranky, if an hour of spidey man or something gets us through it I’ll take it. He does plenty of activities; I’m not worried about some TV.

Did you read the OP?

Why can’t you skip bath time for the toddler too? They don’t need to be bathed ever night and it would be better for her skin also.

I've been criticised for it on here but my two often go downstairs before I've got up in the morning. I work late shifts and DS used to wake up at 6am every day. If you're worried just shout down the stairs from time to time.

I wouldn't want an hour of tv every day for my 4yo. I wouldn't mind toys or quiet reading/ yoto stories.

We have similar routine here in that DS will entertain himself for 30mins whilst DD has her bedtime if there's only one adult around. He mostly chooses to play upstairs in a different bedroom but sometimes downstairs. I wouldn't worry about him being down for an hour but I would shout down a few times and just check he's OK.

An hour seems very long for a toddler bedtime though!

She definitely needs a bath!

OK fair enough, I remember that "cranky " hour well! And it sounds like you're an attentive thoughtful mum with a good balance on things. I wasnt clear what you were anxious about. Screen time alone, or him being downstairs?. If it's simply him being alone for an hour (watching TV or whatever) then that's fine. It's good for him in lots of ways, and shows he's happy and confident in his own company

OP it's normal to feel guilt for your eldest. Poor you! I understand but this is probably temporary, all routines are as they get older. He will be fine and then gets lovely one to one mum time after.

Just re baths- I'm an eczema sufferer and water is absolutely the enemy for my eczema. I still suffer on my hands and my husband had to bathe the kids, I have to always wear gloves when I wash up or I have a flare up. Obviously as an adult I gave to be clean so shower everyday but if you can I'd limit baths more than every other night. Just to give his skin a chance to heal.

How will it work if you have guests or someone else in the house?

Why would we? I know everyone’s setup is different but I’ve never had a guest at that time.

Are you a single parent OP?

Don’t worry about a child getting lonely when they watch TV, the TV IS the company!

So much hand wringing and sanctimony on this thread. I am particularly loving the PP whose teenage children regularly thank her for their screen-free childhoods. The ultimate Mum Goal!

PS this reminds me of the recent bonkers thread on which it emerged that a sizeable number of women sit in the back seat of the car next to their toddler children to keep them company!

Did you read my response when someone asked this already?

To be fair you didn’t

I think lots of people do have guests to stay the night or for drinks and a meal, if it’s not a concern then bedtime can happen all over the house. We tended to go upstairs to bed and it was helpful because we do have guests occasionally but also because sometimes one of us needed to do a bit of work in the evening. Mine happily played in different parts of the house to me though so I wouldn’t worry about him being downstairs in that way. Do not go and check on him while there’s a full bath of water as someone suggested up thread though. Yikes!