To leave a four year old downstairs alone for about an hour?

[downthesteps]

We have recently changed bedtime routine. DS is 4 and has eczema and it’s been recommended we limit baths. I also have a toddler and for both of them since birth pretty much the routine has been bath, teeth, books and bed. Because DS isn’t now joining in the bath routine he’s watching TV downstairs on his own. I feel awful and I asked him last night if he’d like to watch my iPad upstairs instead but he said no … Should I put my foot down?

There's a difference from been away from you for a few minutes as you pop to the loo or they play in the play room while you pop for a brew

Than leaving a child completely alone for an hour ... At 4

You can’t, and I don’t want to delete the post thanks, people are welcome to keep replying but I’m just pointing out I’ve had the answers I need.

Yes you can have the post removed

Yes. If you email MN and explain that you want the post taken down they will oblige. But I don’t want to; why would I? I’m just pointing out it’s a slightly old thread now (a week, something like that?) and I’m not sure endlessly arguing about it is helpful given as I’ve had the answers I want.

I am about to become a first time mum and reading this has horrified me, people acting as if this is neglect to leave a 4 year old unattended for 1 hour?! When I was that age and younger I’d happily play by myself in separate rooms from my parents completely unsupervised, and outside too!! The constant monitoring sounds intense

I’ve been wondering why I felt a bit of disquiet and I think it’s because it’s dark outside (and we live in an isolated area.) But it doesn’t bother DS so I guess it doesn’t bother me. I wouldn’t think twice about him playing in his room for a bit when I’m downstairs so it’s strange isn’t it?

We have been on holiday anyway so hasn’t been an issue.

@Botanybaby

What a sad life for your kids with a dad who favoured work to spending time with them

What a disgusting thing to say

I reported that comment; I agree it was disgusting.

@GreenFields07

Yeah fair enough if they're dirty from nursery, mine only go twice a week though, rest of the time they're with me or family. I know they dont need a bath after a day chilling with me or my mum. Its such a waste of water and they really dont need it everyday. It surely cant be good for their skin.

Depends on the kid. Mine is in nursery 3 days and needs washed each night. The rest of the week we're very outdoorsy so he often needs a bath on those nights too. Not a bath every night, but certainly 3 nights at least, sometimes 4 or 5.

It's a large toddler tub, not a whole bath run just for him. But he needs a good wash because he's one of those kids who grabs life by the bollocks and is constantly in nature like a wild creature.

His skin is fine.

Was @Botanybaby responding to my comment about my DH being at work ?

it’s been deleted, so I can’t see.

Yes, I am not sure she’s posting in good faith though so don’t let it bother you Glad MN deleted it.

She’s hopefully been banned!

Crazy poster!

So not every night then.

Why are some posters being so argumentative?

I know it’s AIBU but have some of you not got better things to do than argue about how often toddlers you don’t know are bathed?

@GreenFields07

For the most part no, sometimes yes 🤷🏻‍♀️

In spring and summer there are often weeks of washing every day. Some kids are mucky like that. We're in the woods or at the beach most days or he's flying about on his bike in mud. 2 days of nursery and the rest of the week chilling at home won't need a lot of washing, lots of time outdoors will.

People can't imagine lives that aren't their own. So if their child is in nursery for a couple of days and the rest of the week doesn't do much outdoor activity or get dirty, they can't imagine any other way. So it's "bad for their skin", "a waste of water", and "they don't really need it"

As though all children are the same. Well, of course if your child mostly stays at home they're not going to get very dirty.

I think the dark probably does make it feel a little different, and there’s always the social pressure to be constantly available and entertaining our children (which is terrible for our children btw). But I also think it’s just natural to have to reign in our anxieties and hesitations a bit. Logically, nature will favor having a bit of extra worry that we override after evaluating the actual risks versus being under-anxious and missing risks completely.

And it’s just different being the adult responsible for making choices for others. I was constantly in the kitchen when I was a child - my mother encouraged us to participate in cooking from toddlerdom and by 10 I could cook a roast dinner and bake a cake from scratch unaided. I don’t have any specific memories of restrictions on knives, heat or other tools (though obviously there must have been some early on) because my mother focused on teaching me to do things safely and let me do anything I could manage. As a nanny and now a mum it’s been important to me to foster the same competency (and hopefully love), but I still find myself cringing and second guessing handing a preschooler a small knife, letting an older child take the biscuits they made from the oven, or giving a tween permission to use the cooker to heat simple foods when home alone. I know logically that it’s ok and that I’ve evaluated and managed the risk and taught them what they need in order to do it safely, but I still have that deeper protective instinct itching at me. Figuring out when those anxieties actually require protective action and when I need to just deal with them internally and not restrict or burden my children just to make me feel less insecure (or in control or needed) is a constant challenge.

I didnt say they're at home all week apart from 2 days at nursery. My kids get a lot of time outdoors too but I still wouldnt bath them everyday. Covered in mud fine, but going to the park, for walks, on a bike ride etc not really necessary in my opinion. They can have a quick wash or wipe down with a flannel but really dont see the need for a full on bath. If people want to do that then fine thats their perogative but I wont be doing that with mine.

@GreenFields07

My kids get a lot of time outdoors too but I still wouldnt bath them everyday. Covered in mud fine, but going to the park, for walks, on a bike ride etc not really necessary in my opinion. They can have a quick wash or wipe down with a flannel but really dont see the need for a full on bath. If people want to do that then fine thats their perogative but I wont be doing that with mine.

Yes, it's obviously not necessary for your children. That's fine.

Why cant your 4 yo join you both for teeth and story time?

If you're talking about me here then thats absolute crap. First of all, you're being just as argumentative as I was so OP was talking about you as well as me.
Second of all, I didnt say my kids only spend 2 days at nursery then the rest of the time are sat indoors. You took that one all on your own. My kids spend plenty of time outdoors they just dont get caked in mud or need a bath every night.
And lastly, I have absolutely no problem with imagining other peoples lives to be different to my own, I accept that everyone is different as I said people are welcome to bath their kids every night if they wish to do that.
You're arguing with me for the sake of arguing. I said kids dont need a bath every night in my opinion, which you actually agreed with, and also said yours dont get bathed every night, but have continued to argue with me for some unknown reason. Then try to dig me out for apparently not being able to imagine others lives and kids are different which is complete nonsense because you know nothing about me or how I think. Bore off

Firstly, because together they get really silly. Squabbling over books and then both trying to turn the page or lift the flap on the lift the flap books DD likes and arguing over who sits on my lap and elbowing one another and tears … It isn’t how I envisioned story time with my darling children to be sure!

And then because it means both children get one to one time for books.

But of course if he wanted to join in for it I wouldn’t say no, he just seems happy enough with Spidey or Peppa or something.

Then if it suits you and your kids you've nothing to worry about. No need to feel guilty if he's safe and happy

Surely DS still joins in with Teeth, Books, Bed. So why is he left so long. 5 mins to run a bath, 10mins in the bath, 5 mins to get dry/dressed. 20min max.

It's absolutely fine leaving him downstairs as long as he's sitting watching TV & not running riot. Also it's best not to let little ones eat unsupervised just to be on the safe side. I know 4 is ok eating most foods without choking but just to be extra careful don't leave him with anything he could choke on.