To leave a four year old downstairs alone for about an hour?

[downthesteps]

We have recently changed bedtime routine. DS is 4 and has eczema and it’s been recommended we limit baths. I also have a toddler and for both of them since birth pretty much the routine has been bath, teeth, books and bed. Because DS isn’t now joining in the bath routine he’s watching TV downstairs on his own. I feel awful and I asked him last night if he’d like to watch my iPad upstairs instead but he said no … Should I put my foot down?

A stair gate for a 4 year old? Is that a joke?Do you have a 4 year old? Mine is 4, he just opens stairs gates at friends houses who have for younger siblings. By 18 months he could climb ours.
A 4 year old is riding bikes, climbing trees, running, climbing everything in parks.

I think it’s fine. Mine also has at least an hour tv every day and he’s fine.
Although mine would be up and down stairs to ask questions or help

Maybe do bath. Then once youngest dressed pop back down to check on him. And give him option of tv or upstairs for tonie whilst you do bedtime.

So you're happy to ignore newest mainstream advice?

It's not that poster being a knob.

Does he? Mum has to work in the evening.

I can see potential problems.

I'm four. The bookshelves look like steps to me. I climb up. My tiny weight is enough to make the bookshelves overbalance. They fall. I fall. I am injured.

I'm four. There is a ball here. I throw it and kick it. Against the television, which falls over or off the wall and hits me. I die.

I'm four. Daddy has left a blister pack of 'sweeties' under the settee. I eat them. They're medication. I die.

I'm four. I wander into the kitchen. What's in that pan on the stove? I pull the handle - oh, the water is still very hot and I'm scalded, scarred for life.

I'm four. I need to be under supervision.

I wouldn't bath your DD every night tbh (I have eczema and fully believe this is a result of my mum bathing me every night). I was worried about my DD getting it so she only has 3 baths a week (unless really muddy or something) and thankfully she has perfect skin. Leaving a 4 year old to entertain themselves for a but is fine.

Kindly, you do not have eczema because your mum bathed you nightly.

Two of my family have bad eczema and have seen dermatologists. bathing does not make it worse if emollients are used afterwards.

Ok if it's about leaving him alone, then I would say he is fine. If he knows to stay and watch TV and is usually trusted then I would think this is absolutely fine.

However I would probably go for a compromise. He watches the programme sister doesn't like (it's a kid show I assume, so 20-30 mins at the most?) then he comes up to get ready. That should give you 20-30 mins to bath the toddler and give son some independence downstairs but then know he is upstairs getting ready for bed while you are then settling the toddler before going into him.

@KirstyandPhilme why do you think you know more about the OP's child's eczema than her doctor and the OP? She has said that daily bathing makes it worse.

The OP wasn't about how often she bathes her children, just what to do while she is bathing her other child.

@StopStartStop so this isn’t meant provocatively but then do you never have your child unsupervised? I mean he is four not two … our days of that sort of behaviour are long gone. But I know children are different. As others have said he does sometimes go up to his room but this feels different. It’s more him feeling scared or lonely. Not that I think he’d trash the house or anything.

This is all a bit dramatic.

Surely climbing a bookcase could happen in the daytime when an adult nips to the loo 🙄

If the kids are going to bed then it's very unlikely mum has pots in the stove, especially hot, knowing she is going to be putting kids to bed and that this process takes an hour if not more.

Ridiculous

You are being so rude. Why are you so invested in picking on a woman who is making a choice for her child based on her own experience of her child’s condition and advice?

Let it go.

I'll stick to what my own dermatologists said and recommended for when I had DD. Bathing a baby every night strips their skin of essential oils. Mix that in with the nasty johnsons stuff and that is what caused it. Also your meant to moisturise before and after bathing or showering with eczema as it helps protect the skin more.

As long as the doors are locked and he doesn’t have access to anything dangerous, then it’s fine.

He’ll probably be so immersed in his programs that he wouldn’t get up to no good anyway.

Screen time is absolutely fine.
So is not washing them every day.

I personally wouldn’t bathe my toddler every night as it can be bad for their skin but if it makes them sleep better then it is fine for now.

I am seriously worried about this country the way we helicopter parent our children. Unless you live in a palace and you are bathing your child in a different wing, I'm sure they will be fine. It does kids good to amuse themselves. They need to. It's part of learning and growing up independent.
I used to ride my bike round the corner to my friend's house at 4.

I am fifty-four. I know a patronising twat when I see one.

Unless there’s SEN I don’t think a 4 year old would do those things. My 4 year old dd is fine unsupervised for a bit, she’s old enough to go to play in her room by herself or be left downstairs. 4 year olds aren’t toddlers anymore, lots are at school. SEN different of course.

There’s a lot of conflicting advice about eczema and we’ve already tried a few things. I know a lot of MNetters will have experience but I’d like to try this; it isn’t harming him not to have a bath every night. Not bathing DD every night is possible but I’d prefer to do so as it’s a nice wind down for bed thing and also she is very snotty so warm water helps and she sometimes gets food in her hair.

I do think someone on this thread is being a bit of a troll and are best ignored

Why? What is the OP doing wrong?

Most kids would rather watch TV than watch their mum bath their sibling which they’ve seen hundreds of times.

OP wants him upstairs with her but he’s happy staying downstairs.
If he ever changes his mind then he can just walk up the stairs.

There’s nothing wrong with him sitting and watching TV.

I’m sure if he really feels lonely he’ll make his way upstairs!

But any home with young children in it should be child proofed enough to avoid those things happening. Bookshelves and TVs screwed to the wall, no heavy balls inside, medicines locked away, and stoves child locked or with physical barriers and definitely never left on without an adult in the room (why would OP have left a pan boiling while she is upstairs putting the toddler to bed?!)

If OP's home is full of hazards like you describe, it won't matter if the four year old is downstairs, in the next room upstairs, or in the same room with OP's back turned as she sees to the baby, as all of your hypothetical accidents only take seconds.

I also agree that most 4 year olds are unlikely to climb bookshelves or randomly throw things at the TV.

I did want to say we don’t habitually leave boiling water or medicine round the kids but I was worried that would sound sniffy!

Haha when my son was little opened the back door and dragged his empty paddling pool into the front room and filled it right up to the brim with water lol I was upstairs tidying and came down to him relaxing in front of the telly in his paddling pool with water sloshing about and it going all over the carpet

@KirstyandPhilme @polinkhausive would you both feel happier if the OP shares her child's medical records so you can see whether a dermatologist has given advice?

Not sure why you're both being so forceful about giving medical advice about a child you have never met.

You sound like an absolutely lovely Mum 😃 just finding your way with the dynamics of everything like the rest of us.

Maybe just leave him downstairs and pop down between bath and bedtime and shout down every few mins.

Other than that you could just say he needs to chill in your room and wait and that’s that 🤣