On holiday thinking my marriage might be over

[Pinkyblue123]

On a skiing holiday with three groups of people including my husband and daughter. I am slower than husband and daughter as had a fall a few years ago and completely lost my confidence. My husband has been really cross with me for not being as good as him and the others. I have asked him to spend time with me to help me to get my confidence back, he just gets cross and says I am pathetic and then I tell him to go off, being shouted at and told you are shit when you are trying to ski down a slope that scares you is not helpful, so I am basically left on my own. I said yesterday that I wanted him to spend an hour with me before he went off with the others, I was feeling a bit lonely and it would be nice to not be stuck in my own all day. He then said I was pathetic, I didn’t try hard enough, I was holding him and everyone back, no one wants to ski with someone that is so rubbish. I saw red and said I understood why his management career didn’t work out if that is how he try’s to help and support people ( he left management a couple of years ago as had some feedback about his management style) this is a sore point for him and so this really stung him. He has now not spoken to me for 24 hours. He does this in an argument and it can last for days, I fully expect him to be like this for the rest of the week. So I am sat here, knowing what it will be like being blanked, trying to make things nice for my daughter, but feeling like I have had enough of being married to him. I know I have hurt him with the comment, but he can give it out but he cannot take it back.

I'm sorry, he really doesn't sound respectful or kind at all.

I’d be looking at early flights home

Does not sound like a fun situation OP.
Would you be able to sign up to a few private ski lessons to restore your confidence?

Sounds like my ex.
NB ex.

Fuck that shit he sounds like a grade A wanker. I cannot imagine he is noce in other aspects of life? It was on a holiday that I decided that I wanted to divorce my EXH, I think spending time together really brings into focus how good or bad the marriage is. It was 9 years ago now and i have never had a nano second of regret.

Your husband sounds abusive. The way he speaks to you and then the silent treatment in between.

I think your marriage probably should be over because you deserve not to live like rhat.

I'm sorry it's been such a miserable and lonely holiday.

Yes, this sounds like a bad situation and he is not being caring or kind. Is this part of a pattern of behaviour? When you say he can give it out, but not take it back? It sounds like all love and respect has gone. How old is your DD? Do you need to stay and make it nice for her? I would be finding something else to do or coming home.

Not talking to you is abusive. I know it feels awful now but I really hope that you do decide your marriage is over.

He sounds appalling, really mean and nasty.

I'm also on a ski holiday, I skied for an hour on our first holiday five years ago, absolutely hated it and have never skied again! Nobody gave me any grief.

I now spend my days having a lie in, and then meeting my family at various bars/restaurants for lunch, my afternoons are spent lying in those deckchairs you see in the sun reading a good book while DH and the DC pop back to me for the occasional drink.

Unless you really want to ski, I'd sack it off, spend the day relaxing instead. If you're in Morzine, you can come and sit with me!

The idea of a couple of lessons is a good one.
but in terms of the marriage you deserve better op. Good luck in whatever you decide.

He's awful and you deserve better. Quite right to hurt him back with the management comment - if he can dish it out, he can take it too!

This holiday might not have been what you hoped for, but it's served a purpose in showing you that holidays never have to be like this again. That you can get rid of this mean and spiteful dickhead of a man and having better days in the future.

I don't see this situation as redeemable tbh. A couple can get over quite serious problems but if a person is naturally unkind and fundamentally selfish, I think there's no genuine way forward. These people tend not to have complete personality transplants!

I can understand why his management career didn’t work out, too. Keep your powder dry, hang up your skis and plan your exit upon returning home. Let him find out the hard way how to speak to you respectfully.

Things like skiing and driving our camper van felt more difficult for me as I got older. I lost confidence in myself. I can understand where you’re coming from. It’s shitty to not feel supported. Sounds like a lack of empathy on his part and even though you’re on hols with so many people you’re feeling so lonely. Send him some educational links to read around what you’re experiencing. Hope you’re on speaking terms soon. Awful when it happens on hols.x

I'm sorry OP but I can't see why you would want to be with someone so nasty, selfish and unsupportive.

Does he ever do anything kind and unprompted for you? Or are you just there to raise Dd, keep house and be a default partner?

It sounds as if this is the straw that broke the camel’s back, for now at least. If you can afford it and want to go on the slopes, perhaps you could hire a ski instructor?

If you do want to ski book yourself in for some group lessons and you’ll end up having a laugh with new people!

As for your husband, he’s abusive, unkind and a complete dick. Get rid of him you don’t need that kind of treatment in your life

This is abusive. From the name calling to the silent treatment.

Book private lessons with a fit instructor, asks at reception/in resort, they are lovely. Tell them that you are not having a good time, they will go the extra mile to help you. Suggest a coffee/vin chaux break frequently and try to salvage some joy from your trip.

(speaking from experience of a shit ex smug skiing boyfriend).

Dont let your DH drag you down, be breezy about sending them off, talk when home

I would leave such a horrible man and I wouldn't make any more effort to pacify him or connect with him.

Do you actually want to ski? If so perhaps sign up for some private lessons. If not then either fly home or find something else to do. Curl up by a fire with a hot drink and a book. Are there any swimming pools/spas you can visit?

How old is your dd? Is she happy to stay with dad if you leave? Is he this much of a bully to her?

get some private lessons to get your confidence back. I don't know what it is about skiing but it seems to bring out the absolute worst in people. I got abandoned so many times I gave up and now do my own sport.

Think hard about your marriage though, not speaking afterwards is not on.

I'd be either looking to leave the ski resort and husband.

Or looking to book the best looking ski instructor on the slopes for the next few days, preferably Italian.

If your DH isn't going to help you gain confidence and you do actually want to ski then book a private instructor.

I'm like the other poster I decided I didn't like skiing so I potter and enjoy the views and meet my family for lunches and go to spas. I love my "no ski" holidays.

My EX was just like this but with ice skating. He wasn't an expert by any means and didn't do the whole figure skating stuff but he could skate around the ice rink and stay on his feet. Me, on the other hand, I was like Bambi - couldn't stand upright for the life of me and I hated it.
In the end I refused to go and told him to go alone.

If you genuinely want to get your confidence back then take the advice from PoorLion but above all, do it for yourself, not to please anyone else.

Ha just posted the exact same advice but then again I do have a bit of thing for the ski instructors they always looks so fit in their one piece ski suits. ⛷️

Urgh sympathy it’s horrid being the shit skier in a group

I'd try and sort an earlier flight home. I would just leave without telling him.