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Original poster

On holiday thinking my marriage might be over

428 replies

Pinkyblue123 · 19/02/2025 06:42

On a skiing holiday with three groups of people including my husband and daughter. I am slower than husband and daughter as had a fall a few years ago and completely lost my confidence. My husband has been really cross with me for not being as good as him and the others. I have asked him to spend time with me to help me to get my confidence back, he just gets cross and says I am pathetic and then I tell him to go off, being shouted at and told you are shit when you are trying to ski down a slope that scares you is not helpful, so I am basically left on my own. I said yesterday that I wanted him to spend an hour with me before he went off with the others, I was feeling a bit lonely and it would be nice to not be stuck in my own all day. He then said I was pathetic, I didn’t try hard enough, I was holding him and everyone back, no one wants to ski with someone that is so rubbish. I saw red and said I understood why his management career didn’t work out if that is how he try’s to help and support people ( he left management a couple of years ago as had some feedback about his management style) this is a sore point for him and so this really stung him. He has now not spoken to me for 24 hours. He does this in an argument and it can last for days, I fully expect him to be like this for the rest of the week. So I am sat here, knowing what it will be like being blanked, trying to make things nice for my daughter, but feeling like I have had enough of being married to him. I know I have hurt him with the comment, but he can give it out but he cannot take it back.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 19/02/2025 08:56

Book a private lesson and spend the day with an attentive instructor and a couple of other skiers ofyour ability.
Make friends and ski and lunch with them all week.

AnotherMiranda · 19/02/2025 08:58

holrosea · 19/02/2025 08:56

My mum is terrified of heights and gets scared even seeing things like big drops or rollercoasters on the TV. I live near mountains and I took my parents on a hike that became far more vertiginous than I had planned.

There was a short passage of 8-10m where the path is still quite wide, but there is a cable fixed into the rock to hold onto because there is "nothing" the other side.

My mum was terrified (although in no danger, to be clear) and it took her a full 5 minutes to cross this 10m stretch, and all the time my dad was there with a constant stream of:

  • you're absolutely fine, you've got both hands on the rope
  • move your left foot to here, then move your right to join it
  • you're doing great, just look at the wall
  • take your time, we're in no hurry, take a breath
  • nearly there, do this bit on your bum if you feel safer
  • give me your left hand, brilliant! Well done! You made it!

It's also not the first/only time that I've seen him do this for my mum either.

Your husband is a twat, and you deserve someone who wants to help you regain your confidence and enjoy your holiday (although the way that he talks to you suggests that this marriage is miserable in many different ways). In the short term, try to get an instructor and make the most of the social side of skiing, when you get home, start divorce proceedings.

Your Dad sounds lovely. Treasure him!

thepariscrimefiles · 19/02/2025 09:00

Pinkyblue123 · 19/02/2025 08:13

Normally we do, we spend lots of time together it seems to be when other people are around he can be funny with me, I would say he is usually more needy of my time than I am of his. This year we are with his pals from work, he wants to spend time with them (I was a bit nervous of him inviting them on our family holiday) but skiing is always like that for us we go in a big group of families which normally works out well for us. He seems more interested in hanging out with them than me.

He sounds awful in every way. Unkind, rude and unsupportive. Don't go skiing with him ever again and think about whether you want to stay in your marriage.

In terms of criticism, he can dish it out but can't take it. I hate those sorts of people. I had a manager like that. He was a micro-managing, spiteful dickhead who was actually really shit at his job and once senior management realised that, he needed the help of the people he bullied to keep his job.

MyLimeGuide · 19/02/2025 09:01

Missj25 · 19/02/2025 08:39

TheaBrandt1 are you the nasty husband in this thread ?
I’d say you are , in which case please stop talking…..

Or is it Ritzybitzy??! Lol

Wishihadanalgorithm · 19/02/2025 09:02

Your husband is, quite frankly, an utter selfish arse!

I almost cheered when you hit him where it hurts - he does have a pathetic ego, doesn’t he?

In your shoes, I’d hang up the skis and use my time in the bars to do an internet research for divorce lawyers in your area and book an appointment for when you are home. I would be making lists of information you need to get regarding finances and start planning how to leave.

This marriage is dead.

This holiday has helped you to see what he truly is.

3luckystars · 19/02/2025 09:05

I think my marriage might be over on every holiday.

Original poster
Pinkyblue123 · 19/02/2025 09:05

No they have not seen any of it, he is charming with them. They have seen the pace I ski at so can form their own conclusions. The other couple we are with know what is like but love him so don’t say anything

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 19/02/2025 09:05

I would just reiterate your point when he thaws a bit ‘Just wanted you to ski with me for an hour…is that so bad? You can tell me i’m crap and slow and holding everyone back, but I can’t have a pop back? You then don’t speak to me for 24 hours! Let me know if you can manage to be pleasant again and we can salvage the trip, it would be great to ski with you alone for a bit. If not, I’m not taking this shit, I feel like I’m on holiday with teenage girlfriends and there’s been a falling out, not my husband. There is a flight back to XXXX at 14.30 tomorrow and I’ll be on it.

In fact, I’d send that as a text to him now.

RisingSunn · 19/02/2025 09:06

I wouldn’t even be friends with someone who spoke to me and treated me like that. Talk less of being married to them.

BringMeTea · 19/02/2025 09:06

Don't waste what is left of your life with someone who treats you with such nastiness. He is a cunt. Think about the next 20 years. Leave him. 💐

snowlady4 · 19/02/2025 09:10

You are not pathetic or shit or anything else derogatory he is saying.
He sounds mean and nasty.
You deserve better.
I would be inclined to either leave early, book some private lessons or else ditch the skiis altogether and spend my time drinking wine and reading books by the fire.
How is he the rest of the time, when you're back at your accomodation or out with the rest of the group in the evening?

notatinydancer · 19/02/2025 09:11

This happened to me in holiday once (not skiing but silent treatment)
I came home early on my own , got a flight the next day.
We are still together but he's never done it again.
I said I'd leave and I meant it.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 19/02/2025 09:12

DustyLee123 · 19/02/2025 06:46

I’d be looking at early flights home

Yeah, go home and take the time to decide whether you want to be with someone who thinks you're pathetic and holding him back. It doesn't sound like a pleasant life.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 19/02/2025 09:13

I honestly believe the men you gave to be concerned about the most are the ones who are charismatic and the life and soul with friends/in public and a nasty bastard at home/with loved ones. Look up narcissist and see if he fits.

Scottishskifun · 19/02/2025 09:15

Well your DH is an arse! I ski better then my DH no way would I leave him on the slopes!
But you still have a few days left of your holiday so why don't you do stuff for you and not cave to him being a tosspot? Book a private lesson or see what the resorts spa options are and book yourself in for an afternoon of pampering?

0ctavia · 19/02/2025 09:15

HopingForTheBest25 · 19/02/2025 06:56

He's awful and you deserve better. Quite right to hurt him back with the management comment - if he can dish it out, he can take it too!

This holiday might not have been what you hoped for, but it's served a purpose in showing you that holidays never have to be like this again. That you can get rid of this mean and spiteful dickhead of a man and having better days in the future.

I don't see this situation as redeemable tbh. A couple can get over quite serious problems but if a person is naturally unkind and fundamentally selfish, I think there's no genuine way forward. These people tend not to have complete personality transplants!

This. Naturally unkind and fundamentally selfish sums it up.

Ritzybitzy · 19/02/2025 09:18

EdithBond · 19/02/2025 08:33

The silent treatment is a form of abuse. It’s controlling. His criticism of you after you previously had an accident is abusive or at very least insensitive and unempathetic.

Has no one in the group noticed he’s leaving you to ski alone and giving you the silent treatment? It must be very awkward for them. And reflects badly on him if they’re work colleagues he’s trying to impress.

How old’s your daughter? Sounds like she may be a teen. If she’s safe and happy with her dad and the other friends, I’d forget all about him. I wouldn’t ski alone, as it’s not the best idea if you’re worried. Could be dangerous and certainly not fun.

View it as YOUR holiday. Imagine you’re there alone. What would you choose to do? If you have money, book a ski group of the same ability. Buy a good book and find a great cafe and read while taking in the view. Book a spa treatment. Take yourself to the nearest city, book a hotel for a couple of days and do some sightseeing.

Why be married to an arsehole like that, who shows no love or care? Does he add anything to your life? If not, life’s too short. Start to plan a life without him.

Silent treatment can be a sign of abuse. Silent treatment can also be a person taking time to recover from a difficult conflict or just not wanting to be around us. No one owes us emotional labour.

Pluvia · 19/02/2025 09:18

I've been skiing twice with incredibly athletic people who never had lessons but seemed to pick things up quickly and were heading down black runs and thought I ought to be able to do them too. It's a horrible situation. Competitive people get very competitive and anyone who doesn't is considered a wuss.

Your loss of confidence isn't something he's going to be able to help you with. He is the worst person in the world you could have picked to assist you, and why you don't realise this is a mystery. You need to decide first of all whether you want to continue skiing or just give it up. If you want to continue, join a beginner's class and start all over again, building confidence as you refresh your skills. Either classes with people who won't be as good as you (what a confidence boost) or private lessons.

The fact that you seem to see him as having the answer and him as the person who has to change to accommodate something that only you can work on does make you look clingy. Not excusing his bad behaviour at all, but your neediness is making the situation worse. Take control of the thing you can work on — your confidence on the ski slope — and stop expecting him to help you.

Startinganew32 · 19/02/2025 09:19

Bin him. What a twat. Having said that, if I was the weakest skier in a group I probably wouldn’t want this knob to spend time with me every day and would let him go off and do his own thing. You could have some lessons if you need to but you know what he’s like so forcing him to ski with you seems pointless and will inevitably lead to an argument. I prefer to spend time on my own though and I know not everyone does. I would get rid of him as soon as we got home for the things he said to you.

Coffeeandchocolate12 · 19/02/2025 09:19

That sounds awful, can’t believe he’s calling you pathetic. What an unkind thing to do.

Regarding the skiing, I think you really should consider an hour or two of private lessons. I know you say you can already ski, but this is about confidence building. I’m a very capable skier but I still have lessons now and then, it makes a big difference. It will also mean you’re not skiing alone which is a positive.

candlerhyme · 19/02/2025 09:19

People will treat you how you allow them to treat you. Anyone who used the silent treatment on me would be gone, pronto.

Enjoy the mountains and the fresh air OP, to plan your new, wonderful life, free of abusers.

Parky04 · 19/02/2025 09:26

This really isn't about the OP ability to ski. Her DH is a twat and she would be better off without him!

Pigeonqueen · 19/02/2025 09:26

I feel desperately sad for you that you have such low self esteem that you’d want to spend time with such a vile excuse for a human being. I can’t imagine being married to someone who treated me so badly (well, actually I can - abusive ex who I left). You really need to give your head a wobble if you think any of this is okay.

moose62 · 19/02/2025 09:32

The skiing is not the point. His behaviour is.
He has no respect for you. You probably come across as needy to him, which he can't be bothered with. Don't issue threats or ultimatums or leave early. Make the best of your holiday without him and then tell him it is over when you get back. And mean it.

Wigglytails · 19/02/2025 09:35

He sounds horrible & has zero respect or care for you. Can you either pivot to go home early or swap out your ski trip for a trip to the nearest city and have some time recharging on your own. You deserve better

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