On holiday thinking my marriage might be over

[Pinkyblue123]

On a skiing holiday with three groups of people including my husband and daughter. I am slower than husband and daughter as had a fall a few years ago and completely lost my confidence. My husband has been really cross with me for not being as good as him and the others. I have asked him to spend time with me to help me to get my confidence back, he just gets cross and says I am pathetic and then I tell him to go off, being shouted at and told you are shit when you are trying to ski down a slope that scares you is not helpful, so I am basically left on my own. I said yesterday that I wanted him to spend an hour with me before he went off with the others, I was feeling a bit lonely and it would be nice to not be stuck in my own all day. He then said I was pathetic, I didn’t try hard enough, I was holding him and everyone back, no one wants to ski with someone that is so rubbish. I saw red and said I understood why his management career didn’t work out if that is how he try’s to help and support people ( he left management a couple of years ago as had some feedback about his management style) this is a sore point for him and so this really stung him. He has now not spoken to me for 24 hours. He does this in an argument and it can last for days, I fully expect him to be like this for the rest of the week. So I am sat here, knowing what it will be like being blanked, trying to make things nice for my daughter, but feeling like I have had enough of being married to him. I know I have hurt him with the comment, but he can give it out but he cannot take it back.

Yeah he is an absolute dick! What an awful thing for him to say to you but what a good come back about his management!

I went skiing with my DH. He'd never been before so we did separate lessons in the morning (I'm advanced) then I took him out in the afternoons to practice.

Why not book yourself into a lesson for the rest of the week? That way you're not on your own and can get your confidence back.

Just leave. Give your daughter the choice to stay or go. Your comment sounds pretty spot on to me.

Let me guess, you always have to be the one to apologise in order to stop his silent treatment?

His behaviour before the argument is not of a good husband. I certainly wouldn't want to be married to him. I wouldn't blame you for leaving him at all.

I can relate to a lot of this OP.
im an anxious and slow skier and DH is very good (possibly overconfident- he’s had 2 accidents breaking bones).
We’ve had a few arguments on the slopes but he always looks after me and makes me feel safe.
He should not be treating you like this.
You deserve better.
Only you know whether the pattern of behaviour is bad enough to be worth ending your marriage over.
Sending you love & positive energy.

He sounds awful, as pp said I would look at lessons or take the time to yourself, planning your next move. He does not have any consideration or respect for you.

What are the others in the party doing? Are they all leaving you alone too? Sound like right bunch of arseholes. You couldn’t pay me to go skiing so I’m probably the wrong person to give advice, but I just wouldn’t go stay in your hotel drink eggnog? And fuck them all.

Your husband sounds totally unempathetic - and unkind.

You were brave to even attempt this holiday. He is unreasonable. Skiing is hardy essential to living a good life.

I would seriously consider whether or not I wanted to continue the marriage. If he can be so very difficult about something like this, who knows what other objections he will have later on.

This week is the busiest week of the year in the Alps because pretty much all of Western Europe is on holiday, which makes it more stressful for nervous skiiers. It may also mean private lessons are hard to arrange at short notice.

He sounds awful OP and also a truly terrible model for your daughter. His behaviour will form her blueprint for what to expect and accept in a relationship.

I knew this would be about skiing. I think your husband is really unkind.

I would not ski with that group again. If you’re falling over and can’t keep up (and they’re not waiting/helping) then that’s not enjoyable for you at all.

If you’d like to learn to ski then I’d arrange some lessons (it is very enjoyable once you are more confident and skiing with people of a similar ability or with people who are stronger but happy to go at a pace of the less able skier).

if you don’t want to learn to ski then get a book or an audiobook on your phone and go and enjoy the apres ski. Or find a spa.

in terms of your marriage, I’d really be considering your options.

ps your comment re management style was justified.

I saw something recently about how once contempt sets in your marriage is doomed and unfortunately it seems he is way past that. I would either stop skiing and just chill out away from them all, or go home.

the French are. Many Europeans are off next week. France is full of Brits and the French. Horrendously busy and full of people who can’t ski. I assume the OP is in France as the majority of Brits ski there.

Austria, Italy and Switzerland are fairly quiet at the moment as they’re not on hols yet. Bliss!

He sounds awful , abusive and unsupportive. However if you are with others can you tagalong n another group. Alternatively book a lesson or take day off.How old is dd, can you ski with her for a while?

Your comments were more than justified. What an arse.
I had a ski fall.
If my dh did that I'd be absolutely livid and so hurt, too.
I haven't actually skied since mine, he should be appreciating your bravery and effort and making it extra nice for you!!

Thanks all, I am just going to ski on my own, I can ski just not a break neck speed. I have spent many years skiing with the kids, now they are older and out ski me! The thing that hurts is that he does not care that I am left behind and will not give me an hour, that’s all I asked for. He is just hanging everything on the fact I brought up his career failings in an argument, so it is all my fault. He is very sensitive to criticism (despite freely dishing out to others) I know his silent treatment will continue, he knows it upsets me. It is his go to argument style. He will be kind to daughter, although she can see what he is being like to me. Thankfully she has other kids her age to enjoy her time with skiing. Every time I get the silent treatment I loose a bit of love for him.

Well he sounds dreadful. I ski very rarely now as I’m ancient. If you’re not enjoying the skiing you can have a perfectly nice time in resort without doing it. I can’t really advise on the marriage.

Marriage counseling is another possible option.

His behavior on this trip (and also that period silent treatment thing you mentioned) sound pretty awful. But only you know if there's enough good there to try to salvage the marriage, considering your child, the financial implications, and the better side of his companionship, if there is one. Good luck to you.

o love, I really felt for you reading your posts. I think that you will look back on his treatment of you one day and despair that you ever put up with it. If I were you I would seriously think about making a plan for a life of happiness without being married to such a jerk.

Me too. He can sulk without you being an audience for him.

I used to have this with the ex, I'd get silent treatment even when I had no idea what I'd done wrong! 14 years of walking on egg shells not knowing when he'd go silent next. Note he's an ex!

I agree with you your marriage sounds over .
You don't deserve being spoken too like this when your feeling vulnerable he is a bully.

Silent treatment is unacceptable I went through this it's childish shows a complete ability to not beable to communicate .

I hope you find courage to walk away from this person they won't change in the future and you deserve so much more xx

Quite a few families I know one parent takes older kids or teens skiing other non skiing parent has nice peaceful few days at home!

It is very busy which makes it harder to navigate the slopes!

He sounds awful OP. Ready sorry he's being so mean to you.

Have none of the others in the group you are with noticed how he is treating you? Are none of them hanging back to keep you company?

You sound so resigned to his behaviour which I find really sad. My father used to do this, it's such an awful thing to do and is rightly now recognised as abusive.

Your life, and your daughter's, can be very different. I'd start to think about how you could leave and what your life would look like without him. More relaxed and more joyful I suspect.

See if he would go to counselling and spell it out to him that you won't tolerate his behaviour any longer. He is being a terrible role model for his daughter as well as an awful husband. It might wake him up, and if it doesn't you'll know you did your best to make it work.