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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ask DH to not go on holiday with female friend.

335 replies

Freelll · 17/02/2025 21:44

My DH & DS have gone on holiday with DS’s friend and his mother several times in the past. They all share an interest in basketball and travel to the US to watch NBA games.

This year, despite booking tickets, the children have decided they want to travel with the friend’s father instead - the friends parents are divorced. However, my DH & this woman, are still planning to travel to the US together, as the tickets have already been paid for.

I don’t want him to go on holiday with just her; I have never been 100% comfortable with these trips but decided to keep my mouth shut because I’ve gone on holiday with male friends in the past, which my husband was unhappy about. I regret being so blood minded at the time.

Is it reasonable to ask him not to go?

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 17/02/2025 21:45

Why do t you go with themas well? I would

BatchCookBabe · 17/02/2025 21:45

Ooooh, I wouldn't like this. YANBU to ask him to not go.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 17/02/2025 21:50

Yanbu at all - can you invite yourself along?

Greenfencebrowntree · 17/02/2025 21:50

It's a bit late for the boys to decide they don't want to go when it's already booked. If the adults are going to honour the booking, why leave the kids behind?

Duh · 17/02/2025 21:54

If this happens the children are making fools out of the adults (changing who is taking them when a trip has been prepaid!) and your husband is making a fool out of you.

No way in hell would I let this happen.

Newbutoldfather · 17/02/2025 21:55

If you hadn’t been on holidays with male friends, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask him.

But, as you have, what would you say which wouldn’t make you look like a hypocrite?

everythingthelighttouches · 17/02/2025 21:57

You have got to be kidding me!

Nina1013 · 17/02/2025 22:02

Are ‘the boys’ actually adults? Because that’s the only scenario where the idea of a ‘boy’ deciding he’s not travelling with his parent on a planned and booked trip but is instead going with another person of his choosing is in any way actually possible….

If that’s the case, I would swiftly change it to a romantic trip with your husband, one which where of course you’re happy to meet up for the game with this woman since tickets have already been purchased, or if she decides not to holiday alone you’d be happy to buy her ticket off her. Job done.

Your husband CANNOT justify telling you he would rather travel solo with another woman, therefore it puts it to bed. If the sticking point is the NBA then you can surely make yourself act like a fan for a couple of hours of your life.

OneShoeShort · 17/02/2025 22:05

I’ve gone on holiday with male friends in the past, which my husband was unhappy about.

Honestly you've probably made your bed here. How did you react when he expressed his feelings about you going on trips with opposite-sex friends?

OneShoeShort · 17/02/2025 22:05

But also I agree with PP that letting the boys back out wouldn't be an option for me for parenting reasons. That's not ok.

SkaneTos · 17/02/2025 22:06

So you went on holiday with male friends before, and your husband was unhappy about that?
What was your conservation like before that holiday/those holiday?

pizzaHeart · 17/02/2025 22:09

How many times you went on a holiday with your male friend and what was the set up?
what did your DH tell you about it at the point of planning?

superamazingtoday · 17/02/2025 22:10

Would fly in my house.

BurgundyZero · 17/02/2025 22:11

Sauce for the goose...

steff13 · 17/02/2025 22:11

Does he know you're uncomfortable? I mean, you went with your male friends even though it made your husband uncomfortable, so I don't know that I'd necessarily blame him if he went anyway.

Could you go?

Hufflemuff · 17/02/2025 22:12

You have too much money. Letting the kids just decide to go with the father, when it's all booked and paid for... wtf??

scanni · 17/02/2025 22:15

This year, despite booking tickets, the children have decided they want to travel with the friend’s father instead

This is utterly ridiculous. The children should just be told 'no' becsue the tickets are already booked. I can't understand why people let children dictate stuff to this level.

XWKD · 17/02/2025 22:15

Tough. You went on holidays with male friends against his wishes. Now it's his turn (with a woman).

madamweb · 17/02/2025 22:26

It sounds like you are both in an open relationship tbh.

I would say you are unreasonable but why is it one rule for you and another for him?

Whammyyammy · 17/02/2025 22:28

Sorry. Wouldn't be happening 🏀🍻🍆

TheM55 · 17/02/2025 22:34

Got to say, I am also coughing more about the double flight cost for the boys, but let's assume it was all cancellable. So now it is just the two of them, enjoying something they have in common. That said, it all depends on trust. I have been away on hols with work colleagues and friends (male and female) would I have slept with any of them?, absolutely not, cannot think of anything worse. Has any of them tried it on, yes ! Does my OH go away plenty with mates (yes) and do I think he is going to sleep with any of them or someone else (probably not). Only you can decide what you are comfortable with and how much you trust your partner. Hope this helps x

Trainr · 17/02/2025 22:36

You’ve been away with your friends and there was no ulterior motive. Why do you think it’s different for him? I think you’re being unreasonable.

Greenfencebrowntree · 17/02/2025 22:46

Trainr · 17/02/2025 22:36

You’ve been away with your friends and there was no ulterior motive. Why do you think it’s different for him? I think you’re being unreasonable.

I would guess it's because if anyone has an ulterior motive in such a holiday, it will usually be the man.
Her husband "only" had to worry whether she would accept the potential advances of another man - she now has to worry whether he's going to be the one making advances.

treesandsun · 17/02/2025 22:48

If he wanted to get up to no good - he could the times he was there with your son - in fact he had your son as 'cover'. Do you have any reason to distrust him? When he said he didn't like you going away with your friend - what did you say? Is he not just going to use the same reason you gave?

Serpenting · 17/02/2025 22:49

Greenfencebrowntree · 17/02/2025 22:46

I would guess it's because if anyone has an ulterior motive in such a holiday, it will usually be the man.
Her husband "only" had to worry whether she would accept the potential advances of another man - she now has to worry whether he's going to be the one making advances.

Show quote history

That’s very weird logic, which seems to suggest women have no agency! If the OP hasn’t shagged her male friends on holiday, surely it’s at least as likely her DH can resist the woman he’s accidentally holidaying with?

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