Ask DH to not go on holiday with female friend.

[Freelll]

My DH & DS have gone on holiday with DS’s friend and his mother several times in the past. They all share an interest in basketball and travel to the US to watch NBA games.

This year, despite booking tickets, the children have decided they want to travel with the friend’s father instead - the friends parents are divorced. However, my DH & this woman, are still planning to travel to the US together, as the tickets have already been paid for.

I don’t want him to go on holiday with just her; I have never been 100% comfortable with these trips but decided to keep my mouth shut because I’ve gone on holiday with male friends in the past, which my husband was unhappy about. I regret being so blood minded at the time.

Is it reasonable to ask him not to go?

Amazingly, the US is more than its politics.

The funny thing is, if OP had posted on here saying her DH isn't happy about her going on holiday with a male friend, there'd be people telling her:

He's controlling,
He doesn't get to tell you what to do,
Who does he think he is,
He doesnt own you,
You're your own person,
LTB.....

So considering you've actually done it yourself OP, it's difficult to refuse him doing the same.

A loving partner would understand though and hopefully you can reset boundaries.

Issue is if he agrees but is resentful.

And what happens if the boys want to go with th mum next time?

Her finances are nothing to do with anyone else.

He didn’t like you going away with male friends but you did so it doesn’t really matter if you don’t like it imo.

It's not any man though, it's a friend whose company she enjoys so much, they're travelling together without the kids.

It may be platonic, but affairs can start this way, it's nothing new.

How did the conversation go OP when he said he wasn't happy with your trips?

Did he relent or did you disregard his feelings?

They can start that way but they don't have to. You can enjoy someone's company and not want to shag them.

As I said, OP doesn't have a leg to stand on anyway as she went away with a male friend and I'm assuming, managed not to shag him.

If OP doesn't trust him, well, this is the least of her problems.

Or she could offer to do her hair & make-up before they leave. I'm sure she'd want to look her best. 🤣

You don't seem to know what women are like.

It's got absolutely nothing to do with trust although for many it probably is. It's mainly about the lack of consideration & respect shown by galavanting about with another woman.

True, the reason she doesn't want him to go is fear of shagging.

Problem is, trusting him is one thing, but she probably doesn't trust her.

Temptation is real unfortunately.

You're right about her double standards. If he'd done it first, people here would be telling her to absolutely go on the trip.

Ha ha! Not in a million years would this be happening. Most reasonable people would recoil in horror and say ‘Well we’re not going on the trip now the kids have pulled out! How bloody weird would that be!?! They must be incredibly close to even considering this. Even if it is platonic (which I don’t think it is) they must be very comfortable in each others company. Three meals a day together for two weeks in America. This for many would be classed as a once in a lifetime holiday and your husband is going with one of the Mum’s from school. Fucking ‘ell. No way.

OP galavanted about with another man. What's the difference?

Were your holidays with your male friend as grand as this USA trip OP? Were they recent or years ago before you had kids? Because I think there is a big difference between going backpacking with a platonic uni friend in your 20s to fucking off to the States with one of the Mums from school.

You went away with a male friend. You can't really object then. It's nuts that the children are simply allowed to back out, though.

Agree! How old are the children? What about this woman makes you uncomfortable? and yanbu, I wouldn't like this either.

Women are pickier. Less inclined to an opportunistic shag with whoever we are thrown together with.

Look, I'm not saying either of these people are necessarily interested in shagging each other. But if one of them turns out to have packed condoms on the off chance, it will be him.
I have never heard a tale of a man and a woman going away together, the woman intiating sex, and the man coming over all shocked and refusing. The other way round, of course.

Am gobsmacked that 22% think this is okay! On what planet do people think it’s fine that their husband go on holiday with another (single!) female?! Bonkers…

You're being a hypocrite given you went on holidays with male friends despite your husband not liking it. . Why can't you just tell the kids they need to stick to the original plans or are they not actually children any more? Any chance you could go as well for the main part of the holiday and leave them to the event?

I see holidays advertised to places far more despotic than the US at my high speed travel shop.

Or galavanting around with other men.

The same planet where it was perfectly fine for OP to go on holiday with another man?

Or even gallivanting.

Both are technically correct.

At least two other posters spelled it the same way I did. Why did you "correct" me and not them?

I don't understand this at all. I don't know anyone who would be happy with the husband going on holiday with another woman. I don't know any man who would be happy with his wife going on holiday with another man.