Ask DH to not go on holiday with female friend.

[Freelll]

My DH & DS have gone on holiday with DS’s friend and his mother several times in the past. They all share an interest in basketball and travel to the US to watch NBA games.

This year, despite booking tickets, the children have decided they want to travel with the friend’s father instead - the friends parents are divorced. However, my DH & this woman, are still planning to travel to the US together, as the tickets have already been paid for.

I don’t want him to go on holiday with just her; I have never been 100% comfortable with these trips but decided to keep my mouth shut because I’ve gone on holiday with male friends in the past, which my husband was unhappy about. I regret being so blood minded at the time.

Is it reasonable to ask him not to go?

Think I'll suggest to my DH I fancy a holiday with Johnny, we've got so much in common & he said he would love to take me to Paris.Why don't you arrange to go off with Lisa on the same week & play golf. You know how I hate golf. 🤣🤣🤣
The mind boggles!

That's a fair question. I just ignored it the first two times. Sorry, nothing personal.

I see you're right about the new spelling though. Kudos.

You can't really change the arrangement for this holiday.

Tell DH that now you understand why he was not happy with you going on holiday with male friend and that you are sorry for going ahead when he expressed concern.
Tell him you will no longer go on holidays with male firends and that could he please make this the last holiday with his female friend.

If he would agree to that, it will be sorted for next time.

Next time also why don't you and he go alone together to the basketball? Try it, you might have a ball!

It would for some

But they go often to watch the NBA
Which means to them it's like going to Skeggy

So this threads says:
Woman is recently divorced and will try and jump him and his poor male brain won't stop her
And
Men only want sex so he will have sex with her and she won't have any autonomy in it because that's just what men are like even though OP went away with other men and managed not to have sex with them (we assume)

This is more like a hobby trip tbh.

I'm going to bet the "children" are at least 16

Just make sure the two of you go on holiday together too

But why is it mind-boggling? I’ve been to NY with a male friend who shares my enthusiasm for art, and DH sometimes meets a female friend of his for football trips to Rome or Barcelona which would bore me to tears. I certainly haven’t shagged anyone other than DH.

Umm no you can’t object if you’ve been away with male friends! That would be really hypocritical.

But also they shouldn’t have let the boys pull out of the holiday of it was bought and paid for and money was lost as a result.

OP: if you now feel uncomfortable about this, talk to your DH. Be honest and tell him that now the dynamic has changed you do not want him to go away just with this woman.

Tell him you know it is tricky as you have previously been away with a male friend… but just talk to him.

Are you sure that the change of plan with the boys wasn’t known all along?

You are clearly on dodgy ground here and have been very foolish OP, but you say you went away with a friend. Is he saying this thrown together situation is now a real friendship, and he wants to spend time with her instead of you?

In fact, what the x!üäö is wrong with all of you? Never mind how much money do you have, how much precious holiday time do you have that you all squander it with random third parties, rather than spending the vast majority of it together? What kind of family, what kind of a marriage are you? Unfortunately this situation is throwing these questions into sharp relief and it's upsetting for you, not least because you have been a major contributor. Also, on what basis does friend's Disney Dad get to lure the two boys away from an already booked holiday, and you three adults just go along with it? It's a mess.

One can see the attraction from the other Mum's side in having someone to go away with I suppose, but that he's so happy to do so rings major alarm bells. It may already be too late, but an honest conversation between you two is called for. See if you can sort it out before it's too late. I wish you well.

Yep.

I've been away with my best friend who is male hundreds of times involving things that wouldn't interest my DH, mainly football related. I also didn't shag him and he didn't try to shag me.

Amazing, I know.

I doubt if a poll was taken you would find many women happy to have their husband going off on holiday with another woman,nor men happy for their wives to holiday with another man. Sex or no sex it still sounds more like an open marriage but each to their own.

How does it sound like an open marriage?

Going away with my male friend is no different than going away with my female friend. You don't have to be in a romantic relationship with someone to go away with them.

Could it be that the children don’t want to go with the usual parents, as they don’t feel comfortable with the setup? Children do pickup on things…

Alarm bells - your DH wants to holiday with another woman. This would make me extremely upset, and rightly so.

@southLondonMum22 As I mentioned each to their own. I would find it distasteful & disrespectful to my DH if I suggested going away with another man & he wouldn't dream of holidaying with another woman. I almost find laughable.

That would be hell if she has no interests in basketball, having to attend games with people who are ardent fans isn’t fun, and she still needs to work on the core issue of if she has a reason to be concerned.

Very true.

I'd find it controlling if my DH thought he got a say in who I go on holiday with and I'd assume he didn't trust me and if he didn't trust me then well, what's the point?.

You have every right not to like it but no leg to stand on to veto it as you did the same.

He shouldn’t be going with just her. By then you shouldn’t have gone with male friends so……

What do you mean by "going away"? Activity partnership?

Meeting a fellow art lover at the Uffizi Galleries in Florence and discussing the pieces at dinner afterwards, staying in separate hotels - yes.

Doing a motorcycle tour of the Peruvian Andes with an experienced opposite sex rider, pooling navigating, spannering, and language skills - yes.

But getting on the same plane at Heathrow, sitting next to this person, staying in the same room/hotel, eating every meal with this person for days? - nope, way beyond activity partnership, and into the holidaying zone, which I prefer to do with my husband and or family or same sex friends.

Or you subscribe extra layers of meaning to every day occurrences

As long as they aren't in the same room, why does the same hotel matter? Why does it matter to eat meals together or catch the same plane on a specific trip to see a specific thing?

I mean things like holidays.

My best friend is male, I'm not going to avoid going on holiday with him just because he isn't a woman.

When I go away with my best friend, it usually involves football but we make a holiday out of it too. So we'd watch a match and then spend a few days doing activity stuff.

DH hates football and sporty activity things in general so would never want to do that which is fine, we do other things on holiday instead.

What about if your DH wants to go away with a gay friend?

Would that be weird?

After all, his friend is also a man and therefore uncontrollable in his lust?

There's a lot of When Harry Met Sally "women and men can never just be friends" going on here

I thought that was weird too.

Is sharing the same flight supposed to be romantic or something? Because it really isn't, even when I'm with DH. 😂

Do you think it happens with other transport too?
s"Oh shit, I've caught a bus with someone I know. Now everyone will think we're having an affair"