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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 15 &11month child overnight

189 replies

Trounlet · 17/02/2025 20:16

I booked tickets for me and DH to go to see comedy in a city two hour from home. The plan was for my 2DC to stay at my MILs, however my DCs don't want to stay and have asked to be left at home overnight, tickets and hotel non refundable. Our eldest will be 15 and 11months and the younger 14. They get on really well and are both sensible.

The neighbours will be there if the DCs need them, we act as back up if either couple has an evening out.

My DH feels leaving them would be fine, but I'm a bit anxious about it.

YANBU - just go, the DC could leave home in a month.
YABU - cancel and stay at home you'll have to wait for the next opportunity once DC is 16.

OP posts:
Springadorable · 17/02/2025 20:17

Can MIL stay at yours maybe?

BlueMum16 · 17/02/2025 20:17

Personally I wouldn't. They need to go to GP as planned.

Danikm151 · 17/02/2025 20:18

Honestly at 15 they’d be fine for 1 night!

Tiswa · 17/02/2025 20:18

Sensible is fine but they are still quite young to deal with unexpected things

VivienneDelacroix · 17/02/2025 20:18

I thought you meant you were leaving a 15yr old and an 11 month old!!!

I wouldn't leave my 15 and 14 year olds overnight. But it depends on your children. Mine are quite young for their age and the 14 year old a bit of a worrier.

McGregor33 · 17/02/2025 20:20

It would depend on a lot of things, can they be trusted? Do they argue/fight, do they know what to do in an emergency or can they make food/snacks without burning down the house?

My oldest is 14 I wouldn’t trust alone for half an hour, yet I know by 14 my middle one would be absolutely fine. Oldest just doesn’t seem mature/sensible enough! Prime example, she tried to boil milk in the kettle when I was in the bath. Middle daughter told her not to but she knew best 🙈

Original poster
Trounlet · 17/02/2025 20:21

Re MIL she won't stay as she won't leave her dog and our house cats don't get on with dogs.

OP posts:
UndermyShoeJoe · 17/02/2025 20:21

I have a 15 year old and honestly I don’t leave them home alone to drive 2 hours to the beach. I do wish I could but I just feel like what if. Definitely couldn’t do overnight.

Cosyblankets · 17/02/2025 20:21

Are you saying you'd get a refund if it was refundable? Because the kids didn't want to stay at GPs? Otherwise I'm not sure why that's been mentioned but no, i personally wouldn't leave them alone

UndermyShoeJoe · 17/02/2025 20:21

and by 2 hours I mean there, then time to enjoy beach then 2 hours home. Not 2 hours all in haha

WellsAndThistles · 17/02/2025 20:22

I wouldn't leave them overnight until 16 (generally deemed to be adult age in Scotland).

If there was a fire and they had to be rescued, you would end up on the front page of the newspapers as neglectful parents (even though you know the kids are sensible).

Can MIL come to yours or ask kids not to be so selfish and let you have one night away in without arguments?

BallerinaRadio · 17/02/2025 20:23

I'm not sure why the GP stay is negotiable to be honest, why are you letting them dictate?

Weedoormatnomore · 17/02/2025 20:24

Depends what your kids are like only you know them. My two I could have but their classmates no. 1 through a party had friends using a ladder over back garden to get in back door to avoid door cam. No 2 was able to use side door after marking area to avoid door camera. Both had at least 1 15 yr old passed out from too much drink. My kids showed me the photos that appeared on social media the next day.

Dramatic · 17/02/2025 20:24

An almost 16 year old? Yeah I probably would

SofaSpuds · 17/02/2025 20:24

UndermyShoeJoe · 17/02/2025 20:21

I have a 15 year old and honestly I don’t leave them home alone to drive 2 hours to the beach. I do wish I could but I just feel like what if. Definitely couldn’t do overnight.

I actually think that's worse, you need to let your DC grow up.

And yes I have been your updated post.

UndermyShoeJoe · 17/02/2025 20:25

SofaSpuds · 17/02/2025 20:24

I actually think that's worse, you need to let your DC grow up.

And yes I have been your updated post.

Show quote history

I know. I can go out shopping for hours or to the allotments. I tbh think it’s the being 2 hours away part. I can happily leave him home alone for four hours it’s the distance part. He can cook. Has a phone etc.

Screamingabdabz · 17/02/2025 20:27

Our kids were very mature and sensible but I wouldn’t have left them overnight at that age. Late into the evening yes, overnight no.

steff13 · 17/02/2025 20:27

You said they're sensible and the neighbors are standing by if they need anything, I don't see an issue.

Seaside31 · 17/02/2025 20:28

I don’t really understand your options tbh… Are you saying that at 15y11months you’re not sure if it’s ok to leave them but in a months time once eldest is 16 it would be fine? 🤔

I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable with an overnight at that age but you know your kids better than anyone here does. Can you trust them to remember not to leave the cooker on? To lock the doors? To not leave the house when they should be at home? To not have a bunch of friends over for the night? Do they know how to handle an emergency?

YourWildAmberSloth · 17/02/2025 20:32

Neighbours will be asleep in bed presumably. There's a difference between looking out for them for a few hours in the evening, and a whole night overnight. As a neighbour, I wouldn't want the responsibility. Personally I wouldn't leave them, but you know your children better than anyone. If you are wavering, there's probably a good reason.

TimeForSprings · 17/02/2025 20:33

What about going to the comedy, then driving home - so someone is there in the morning, or booking another room and bring the kids to the city, and have a day there afterwards?
Say the gig is 8-11. You'd be leaving at 5pm? 4pm. And then getting up in the morning, having breakfast, driving home. Back 11am?? That's 18 hours.

Jk987 · 17/02/2025 20:33

🚁 parents are out in force tonight!

Chariots77 · 17/02/2025 20:35

I think they'll be fine home alone. Eldest is nearly 16 and as you say many 16 year olds leave home at that age. It's a good opportunity to give them a bit of independence.

IamnotSethRogan · 17/02/2025 20:36

Um I think I'd just tell them they were going to their grand parents as planned tbf.

I haven't voted because I wouldn't do either option. If you think that your options are let them stay at home or you have to cancel because you won't be able to get the children to go to your parents, then I wouldn't say they're well behaved enough to be left alone.

LuckySantangelo35 · 17/02/2025 20:37

UndermyShoeJoe · 17/02/2025 20:21

I have a 15 year old and honestly I don’t leave them home alone to drive 2 hours to the beach. I do wish I could but I just feel like what if. Definitely couldn’t do overnight.

@UndermyShoeJoe

why on earth couldn’t you leave them for 2 hours?!