To leave my 15 &11month child overnight

[Trounlet]

I booked tickets for me and DH to go to see comedy in a city two hour from home. The plan was for my 2DC to stay at my MILs, however my DCs don't want to stay and have asked to be left at home overnight, tickets and hotel non refundable. Our eldest will be 15 and 11months and the younger 14. They get on really well and are both sensible.

The neighbours will be there if the DCs need them, we act as back up if either couple has an evening out.

My DH feels leaving them would be fine, but I'm a bit anxious about it.

YANBU - just go, the DC could leave home in a month.
YABU - cancel and stay at home you'll have to wait for the next opportunity once DC is 16.

I would and have left DD overnight since 14. I didn't do it younger.

She's spent weekends with her best friend since turning 15 and friends parents were away for the entire weekend and left them in charge of younger sibling. No parties were had, everyone had all 10 fingers and toes at the end and the house wasn't a wreck either.

They hopefully all have mobile phones and initiative these days.

Go and enjoy yourself.

Fuck letting the kids dictate your night out.

Let them stay at home or get them to stay at GP, whatever you do, don't bloody cancel your night out because it doesn't suit them!

The first time we left ours overnight our youngest was almost 16 and the eldest 17.5. We had our neighbours on standby and my brother down the road. And a doorbell camera that captures everything. It was a special treat for us after I’d finished chemo and the kids were mature enough not to take advantage.

The biggest risk at that age is they’ll have friends around and it will get out of control. A parent-free house is very popular in teenage circles. My friend’s 15yo DS had a very strong need to stay home and ‘study’ while the rest of the family travelled to a football game in another city. She was woken by a phone call from the police at 1am and her house was destroyed. She gave him another chance at 16 and was called as he was put into an ambulance with alcohol poisoning.

What happens if the 14yo sneaks out - do you expect the 15yo to tell you? Our kids never want to dob on each other so we waited until we had confidence in both of them to be sensible.

Of course it is OK. They would either be asleep or sitting on their devices all night. Pretty much the same thing they do when you are home, I imagine. People who say "what if something happens"... kids don't just magically aquire adulting skills once they turn 21. It's probably best to teach them what to do in emergencies at a much younger age.

They will be fine

They'd be fine BUT it's only okay if you are totally relaxed about it. Otherwise, it's not fair on you if it's going to spoil your evening because you are worrying.

So for that reason alone, they go to Grandparents as planned.

Totally fine if the neighbours will definitely be in that night. Otherwise, probably fine if they can reach the GPs by phone.

Only a problem if they have a history of reckless behaviour, but I'm sure you wouldn't be considering it if they did!

I wouldn't leave them at home overnight but I wouldn't cancel either. They don't have to get everything they want.

Tell them they need to stay with Grandma because otherwise you can't go.

This.

Tell them they have to go to MIL. It's not a question. (Unless you suspect MIL mistreats them in any way of course).

I might leave an almost 16 yo if they were very sensible (in fact I have just left my 16 yo alone for two nights) but I would be wary if leaving them with the 14 yo/ the 14 yo without an adult.

No. Can they stay with friends?

Backing out on the arrangement when the tickets and hotel is paid for would not be an option I would give to my children. Maybe something to think about for the future but not now. The kids would go to MIL.

I have a 16 and 14 year old and leave them on their own regularly, do you think your 15 year and 11 month is going to massively mature in 4 weeks??

Only you know and if they are well behaved and know how to look after themselves then they will be absolutely fine!

Will you be able to relax if you leave them home alone?

Insist they both go to GP or the older ones may stay home alone but the 14yo has to stay with a friend......

@Trounlet I was left alone for 3.5 weeks in West London at 15 years and 4 months while parents and younger siblings went to South of France for 3.5 weeks.

I LOVED being alone!

I was told to call on a neighbour if there was any trouble, and an Auntie called in every week- but as long as your children are sensible, 15 is absolutely fine.

I left my son alone for the occasional weekend to look after dogs, at 15 onwards and he loved it, too.

I wouldn't but then I have a 14 year old who isn't remotely sensible at all and has form for jumping from the climbing frame onto the trampoline.

I left my then almost 18 year old on his own from Thursday night to Sunday night but the grandparents came down on Friday and Sunday, the neighbours were aware and I was in contact every few hours by text.

Can't they stay at their friend's houses if they don't want to go to GPs' house? Those would be the only two choices for me, tbh.

I’d send them to MILs. Would never let two children dictate my plans for one measly night.

If you have an option for childcare (the GPs) then use it. Just tell the kids that's where they're going, and that ought to be the end of discussion on the matter. I'll happily leave my 15 y/o alone at home overnight, but when his GP's are visiting and staying nearby then ds goes to them overnight when I'm away myself. He has a house key and can come and go as his pleases during the daytime.

Shocked at the many posters who are saying they won't leave their 15 year olds alone for even a couple of hours. These youngsters are literally months away from being old enough to leave home, go away to college, have kids, all sorts. Either you're smothering them or you've parented terribly if they can't cope for a couple of hours without adult supervision.

I have a 15 yo and no way would i do this.

Absolutely no way

So when his passport shows 16 he will magically be able to do something he couldn’t do mere days before?
Go. Stop overthinking. Cut the apron strings and enjoy yourself!

The main risk is fire.

As long as a 15 year old knows how to exit every room in case of a fire, that's fine.
Most children are sensible at 15 - ones that are trusted and given responsibility tend to live up to it.

They like to feel ''grown up'' and looking after the house.

The only time there was an accident was when parents left me in charge of my 3 yr old brother at 13 - we were playing show jumping in the garden and little brother was trying to help clear the jumps away and dropped a brick on his bare toe which split open.

I put pressure on it to stop it bleeding, but the poor boy was screaming his head off- He still bears the scars on his toe all these years later!

When I was 16 my parents went abroad for a week and left me in charge of my 14.5yo brother.

They’ll be fine…

Gosh! My two are 16 and I wouldn't bat an eyelid! We have never actually left them but shortly are away overnight (back 8am ish) and as DD is away that weekend, DS will be alone.

I asked what he wanted to do and he really doesn't want to stay with grandma and no wifi! So we might see if a friend will have him overnight but I suspect parents wouldn't want their kids coming here. But if not he said he would have no issue being home alone.

Lets face it, they could in theory be married with kids next year.....