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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 15 &11month child overnight

189 replies

Trounlet · 17/02/2025 20:16

I booked tickets for me and DH to go to see comedy in a city two hour from home. The plan was for my 2DC to stay at my MILs, however my DCs don't want to stay and have asked to be left at home overnight, tickets and hotel non refundable. Our eldest will be 15 and 11months and the younger 14. They get on really well and are both sensible.

The neighbours will be there if the DCs need them, we act as back up if either couple has an evening out.

My DH feels leaving them would be fine, but I'm a bit anxious about it.

YANBU - just go, the DC could leave home in a month.
YABU - cancel and stay at home you'll have to wait for the next opportunity once DC is 16.

OP posts:
steff13 · 17/02/2025 21:07

Foreverexhausted1 · 17/02/2025 20:53

I'm confused about the options. There seems to be one missing, the option where they do as you've asked - if they are too young to be left overnight then they are too young to call the shots on this

Edited

To add to my previous post, I would be fine leaving them home under these circumstances, but if I wasn't sure they'd be ok home alone, they would be going to their grandparents' house. Cancelling my plans would not be an option.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/02/2025 21:07

I wouldn’t overnight no

RawBloomers · 17/02/2025 21:08

With neighbours who are happy to be back up, I'd be fine doing this with my almost 16 year olds. I think it depends on your kids and whether they're trustworthy in this situation or not.

KatyaKabanova · 17/02/2025 21:08

I'd leave them, it's only overnight. One is nearly 16! They need to start to take responsibility and be a bit more self sufficient. You know how sensible they are though, we can't really say.

CandyCane457 · 17/02/2025 21:08

BallerinaRadio · 17/02/2025 20:23

I'm not sure why the GP stay is negotiable to be honest, why are you letting them dictate?

I was thinking this too! When I was 14/15 if my parents for whatever reason were going away for a night or weekend I stayed at grandparents and there was no element of choice.

Yellow2024 · 17/02/2025 21:10

I suppose if they are fine with it then go ahead. I mean I left home at 17 and 3 months. I do understand your nervousness though but that is perhaps from a place of a first time thing once the first time goes OK you'll feel less nervous.

x2boys · 17/02/2025 21:11

WellsAndThistles · 17/02/2025 20:22

I wouldn't leave them overnight until 16 (generally deemed to be adult age in Scotland).

If there was a fire and they had to be rescued, you would end up on the front page of the newspapers as neglectful parents (even though you know the kids are sensible).

Can MIL come to yours or ask kids not to be so selfish and let you have one night away in without arguments?

Because four weeks is going to make all the difference don't be ridiculous and over the the top.

Isanyonereallyanonymous · 17/02/2025 21:11

Trounlet · 17/02/2025 20:21

Re MIL she won't stay as she won't leave her dog and our house cats don't get on with dogs.

I have house cats that don’t love dogs. If I have visitors with dogs, my cats go upstairs and dog stays downstairs. For one night could it be an option to shut cats somewhere so MIL can stay with her dog?

NeverEverOhNo · 17/02/2025 21:13

BallerinaRadio · 17/02/2025 20:23

I'm not sure why the GP stay is negotiable to be honest, why are you letting them dictate?

This.

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 17/02/2025 21:14

DS was not quite 16 when I left him over night to go to London when the Queen died. I made sure he knew who he could call in an emergency. Tbh he was asleep for a lot of the time.

k1233 · 17/02/2025 21:16

I was babysitting young children overnight at those ages. It will be fine. Make sure your neighbours will be in and know the kids are alone. Tell the kids to see the neighbours if they have any issues.

Have they been left alone at night before? Have you raised them to have life skills suitable for their ages ie can they cook and clean up, know not to put candles near curtains, know how to stop a fat fire (someone I shared a house with at uni burned down her boyfriends house trying to carry an oil fire outside...)? It really shouldn't be an issue if you've been giving them age appropriate independence as they've grown up.

BCBird · 17/02/2025 21:17

They go to GPs

ViciousCurrentBun · 17/02/2025 21:18

Just make them do as they are told.

User1786 · 17/02/2025 21:19

BallerinaRadio · 17/02/2025 20:23

I'm not sure why the GP stay is negotiable to be honest, why are you letting them dictate?

This!!

WhatsTheEffingPoint · 17/02/2025 21:19

It has to happen at some point so rip the plaster off and get it over and done with. Set strong boundaries with who can be in the house, leave easy snacks, get a pizza delivered type thing. Clear consequences if they step out of line.

I was shipped to an elder sisters around that age and I resented every minute, when I was finally trusted to be left alone, nothing happened. I enjoyed playing house, cleaning the kitchen, watching a few films and generally chilling out. Yes there was a late bed time but that's about it. I also knew not to get up to anything silly as the neighbours would grass me up and the thought of a bollocking from my parents was enough, not to mention I wouldn't ever be trusted to be left again!

sandyhappypeople · 17/02/2025 21:21

Would you worry about what they were up to and would it impact your evening/night away? And would you feel like you have to rush back in the morning?

At the end of the day they are 15 and 14, one night at the grandparents isn't going to kill them and will give you peace of mind to enjoy your mini break.

Starsandall · 17/02/2025 21:22

Nearly 16 yes if mature but 14 no. I wouldn’t want my 16 year old to be responsible for the younger sibling tbh. But maybe safety in numbers. Only you know them best, if they throw a crazy party you won’t do it again. I leave my teen all day but not overnight.

Lavenderflower · 17/02/2025 21:23

I personally wouldn't. Trust doesn't come into it. You never know what could happen.

Hopelesscase32 · 17/02/2025 21:25

Yes I've done it with a 16 and 14 year old.. They loved it and were pissed we came back earlier than planned

ChampagneLassie · 17/02/2025 21:28

One of my friends went away for a weekend and left their 15 year old hosting air BnB guests (they rented out bedrooms in their home) I was a bit 😳all was fine. I think only you know you’re own children. I think if they’re sensible no problems

Thiscouldbefun · 17/02/2025 21:29

No, tell them to suck it up and go to grandparents as planned. You’ll
be understandably fretting if you leave them alone.

BlazenWeights · 17/02/2025 21:30

So you cannot leave your eldest at 15 years and 11 month old but you cannot leave them when they turn 16? What’s going to happen between now and next month to magically make them more responsible?

samarrange · 17/02/2025 21:30

I would leave them with no problem if I know they were sensible. I'm pretty sure we did something like this with our DC.

But if I wouldn't leave them with the oldest being 15.11, I'm not sure what difference his 16th birthday would make. He's still going to be a child legally.

JMSA · 17/02/2025 21:31

It's a no from me. But still go and enjoy! The kids are told what's happening and frankly don't have a say. It's for one night.

custardpyjamas · 17/02/2025 21:33

Do you think they will have a party and invite loads of kids over? If not and they know to lock the doors (keep them locked), not let anyone in and ring you or your trusted neighbours in case of problems I think it should be fine.

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