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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 15 &11month child overnight

189 replies

Trounlet · 17/02/2025 20:16

I booked tickets for me and DH to go to see comedy in a city two hour from home. The plan was for my 2DC to stay at my MILs, however my DCs don't want to stay and have asked to be left at home overnight, tickets and hotel non refundable. Our eldest will be 15 and 11months and the younger 14. They get on really well and are both sensible.

The neighbours will be there if the DCs need them, we act as back up if either couple has an evening out.

My DH feels leaving them would be fine, but I'm a bit anxious about it.

YANBU - just go, the DC could leave home in a month.
YABU - cancel and stay at home you'll have to wait for the next opportunity once DC is 16.

OP posts:
welshmercury · 20/02/2025 15:02

I can’t believe you aren’t telling your kids they are staying at grandparents. They don’t dictate to you.
there is no minimum age to leave kids alone as it depends on the child etc.
will you enjoy your night away if you are worrying about them.

yes they can move out but it doesn’t sound like they can support themselves anytime soon.
what else are they soon about to say no to? Going to school? Chores etc?

couldn’t pick an option as I thought you were the adult in this situation.

TrustyRusty68 · 20/02/2025 16:23

I wouldn’t leave my 16 & 14 overnight. They’re both really sensible but I just don’t know how they’d react in an emergency. Also I don’t think it’s fair for the older one to be responsible for the younger one.
For me there’s 2 choices - either they suck it up & go stay for one night with the grandparents so you can have a night out - or the grandparents come and stay with them at your house :-)

Cosyblankets · 20/02/2025 16:27

The fact is you want them to go to their grandparents because you will feel more settled. So it's not about whether they can be left. You deserve a night off.
So they do as they're told.

BIossomtoes · 20/02/2025 16:29

They wouldn’t get a choice if they were mine.

zingally · 20/02/2025 17:08

What part of "You're staying the night with Granny" wasn't clear? You're the adult here.

That being said, I was left home alone for 2 nights when I was about 16 and a half. Didn't enjoy it one bit tbh. I think an almost-16yo and a 14yo would be fine. They've got each other for company/security.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 23/02/2025 13:58

In a month's time your eldest can join the army, I think 1 night would be fine, I'd be more nervous of a 14 yr old, and if they're doing something daft can the older one cope with that appropriately. I think as well it's what time you go, if it was literally 9pm to 9am probably better than 9am to 9pm, if that makes sense.... the nspcc say no child under 16 should be left overnight- I would say your eldest will basically be that age but youngest not so much.
You know your kids though, only you can judge it really

TicklishMintDuck · 02/03/2025 20:01

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 20/02/2025 11:23

Literally one of the most sensible responses on here. I can’t imagine an about to turn sixteen year old can’t manage one night at home, same with the slightly younger one. They’ll watch TV, microwave a meal or order a pizza, probably eat some junk food and go to bed. They’ll have a great time. Unless some medical or neurodivergence issues making it unsafe I find this bizarre.
I appreciate we keep children in formal education until 18 now, but really not that long ago (“in my day…” ha!) you could leave school and go straight to work at 16. Now we want to have them babysat by someone practically their own age. This is bonkers to me.

Show quote history

My mum left at 14 back in the late 60s. She was from a big family and was expected to start contributing.

Alleycat321 · 02/03/2025 20:57

Regularly left my 14 year old daughter overnight for 1-2 nights. Despair of parents who wrap their children in cotton wool. When will you let them cross the road on their own - when they are 20?!

Gogogo12345 · 02/03/2025 21:37

WellsAndThistles · 17/02/2025 20:22

I wouldn't leave them overnight until 16 (generally deemed to be adult age in Scotland).

If there was a fire and they had to be rescued, you would end up on the front page of the newspapers as neglectful parents (even though you know the kids are sensible).

Can MIL come to yours or ask kids not to be so selfish and let you have one night away in without arguments?

So would you expect the eldest to mature significantly in that month before her 16th birthday that it would make a big difference?

Gogogo12345 · 02/03/2025 21:47

Ihavenopatienceforthis · 18/02/2025 20:05

Government website says a child under 17 should not be left alone overnight.

Those saying they should do as there told and go to grandparents would you really force your child to go somewhere they don't want to.

Get a sitter to come stop with them or come home after the show

What website? How about a 16 year old who doesn't live with parents? Or o e with their own child?

Gogogo12345 · 02/03/2025 21:50

Ihavenopatienceforthis · 18/02/2025 20:13

https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

I didn't say at night I said overnight and under 16

Edited
Show quote history

And that's still not a law. It's NSPCC guidelines

Gogogo12345 · 02/03/2025 21:52

TicklishMintDuck · 18/02/2025 20:28

No, they’re children and too young to deal with anything unexpected that could happen. You’ve arranged for them to stay with a grandparent - why are you allowing them to negotiate?

So why does it make a difference it being overnight? Unexpected things could happen while they are alone during the day. If the house should catch fire it's the same whether it's day or bight

Justhere65 · 02/03/2025 21:57

I wouldn’t leave the overnight but I’m a worrier.

neilyoungismyhero · 02/03/2025 22:00

Isanyonereallyanonymous · 17/02/2025 21:11

I have house cats that don’t love dogs. If I have visitors with dogs, my cats go upstairs and dog stays downstairs. For one night could it be an option to shut cats somewhere so MIL can stay with her dog?

Show quote history

Better still the kids could suck it up for one night to allow their parents some quality time together.

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