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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 15 &11month child overnight

189 replies

Trounlet · 17/02/2025 20:16

I booked tickets for me and DH to go to see comedy in a city two hour from home. The plan was for my 2DC to stay at my MILs, however my DCs don't want to stay and have asked to be left at home overnight, tickets and hotel non refundable. Our eldest will be 15 and 11months and the younger 14. They get on really well and are both sensible.

The neighbours will be there if the DCs need them, we act as back up if either couple has an evening out.

My DH feels leaving them would be fine, but I'm a bit anxious about it.

YANBU - just go, the DC could leave home in a month.
YABU - cancel and stay at home you'll have to wait for the next opportunity once DC is 16.

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 17/02/2025 22:31

oakleaffy · 17/02/2025 22:22

The main risk is fire.

As long as a 15 year old knows how to exit every room in case of a fire, that's fine.
Most children are sensible at 15 - ones that are trusted and given responsibility tend to live up to it.

They like to feel ''grown up'' and looking after the house.

The only time there was an accident was when parents left me in charge of my 3 yr old brother at 13 - we were playing show jumping in the garden and little brother was trying to help clear the jumps away and dropped a brick on his bare toe which split open.

I put pressure on it to stop it bleeding, but the poor boy was screaming his head off- He still bears the scars on his toe all these years later!

It was sutured up by Casualty when parents got home.

Ellie1015 · 17/02/2025 22:31

Either leave them or insist they go to MIL. Do not cancel plans.

Perseimmion · 17/02/2025 22:33

BallerinaRadio · 17/02/2025 20:23

I'm not sure why the GP stay is negotiable to be honest, why are you letting them dictate?

This ^

EdithBond · 17/02/2025 22:33

Why don’t they want to stay at MILs? What can’t they do there that they can at home? Most kids that age are glued to their phones, so doesn’t really matter where they are. Unless it stops them having a sneaky vape/drink, having mates over or going out. I’d tell them they have to stay there.

As for leaving them overnight, depends on the kids and the neighbours. If your kids are mature for 14 and 16, used to fending for themselves, don’t get easily spooked and definitely not pulling the wool over your eyes about getting up to no good. And the neighbours are good friends, who can be relied on to keep a very close eye, it’s probably OK. At that age, I wouldn’t have left mine overnight when I was 2hrs away. But would for the evening.

Could they stay at a friend’s in return for you hosting a sleepover at yours?

Or you go to the gig but forego the overnight stay and drive back? If you cancel the hotel, won’t you get some sort of refund?

Newname25 · 17/02/2025 22:35

No to an overnight. Can you not just drive back or tell them they have to go to the grandparents

FindusMakesPancakes · 17/02/2025 22:39

I left my 1st for a week aged 16.
Younger one is not quite 15 and did 2 nights just before Christmas. He had a friend of ours pop over to check on him and take him out for the day.

Haven't left them together for a night though, as individually they are sensible. Together not so much.

EdithBond · 17/02/2025 22:47

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/02/2025 22:02

I might leave an almost 16 yo if they were very sensible (in fact I have just left my 16 yo alone for two nights) but I would be wary if leaving them with the 14 yo/ the 14 yo without an adult.

I agree it’s the dynamic between the siblings that you have to consider. Would one be up to no good and telling the other one not to snitch?

Left two of mine together for an evening at that age and the16 yo went out and told 14 yo (who was a bit spooked on his own but OK) not to snitch.

The 14 yo told me after, saying he felt really bad for snitching. I never said a word to 16 yo. But never left them on their own again until they were older.

L0bstersLass · 17/02/2025 22:59

Absolutely not.
You're the parent. Send them to MIL.
They don't get a choice.
They can make decisions when they're adults.

ScruffMuffin · 17/02/2025 23:03

Totally depends on the children. What you've described here sounds fine IMO.

I didn't leave my eldest home overnight until she was 18, but she'd previously had MH problems and a long history of erratic behaviour. A year later, I'm leaving her again for the night, and have written a list of rules (lock up/ turn oven off!) and jobs (bins out Wed, and feed the animals).

My 16.5 year old: I wouldn't think twice, or have to write anything down for her. I trust her completely, and know she'd manage bins/ pets/ cooking/ cleaning up all by herself.

pinkroses79 · 17/02/2025 23:05

I think it's fine. I left my son at that exact age - 15 and 11 months. He was fine with it. I was about 2 hours away but on public transport and couldn't get home until the morning. He didn't care at all and he's very sensible. I called him after the show and messaged him in the interval but he was absolutely fine.
The only reason I wouldn't have left him is if I thought he would have a party or gone out somewhere late or not come back, but he's not that sort of teenager. Or if he was anxious.

Patterncarmen · 17/02/2025 23:20

At 16 I was babysitting small children for money when the parents were out! I think it should be OK unless your kids are really irresponsible.

theboffinsarecoming · 17/02/2025 23:37

What is the world coming to? You will be two hours away, the next door neighbours are right next door, and they will have plenty of friends whose parents they can call on if needed.

Tangerinenets · 17/02/2025 23:43

No I wouldn’t leave them overnight.

Franjipanl8r · 17/02/2025 23:45

They have plenty of years ahead of them to make their own rules and have independence. They’re children, just send them to MILs and tell them tough luck. It’s just 1 night.

BuntyNuffins · 18/02/2025 00:56

I babysat several small children overnight at 14..If they are both happy and comfortable with it then that should be fine.
Maybe leave taxi /petrol money for the grandparent to make their way over if needed.
I'm sure they will be fine with house rules, snacks and emergency numbers/instructions.

chaosmaker · 18/02/2025 07:37

You said there are neighbours that can be called on and the oldest one is a month off 16. Ages are less important than maturity and you've said yours are. I'd leave them.

Have a nice time, @Trounlet

Littlemisscapable · 18/02/2025 07:39

It's fine.

Cantbebotheredwithausername · 18/02/2025 07:57

This was a good 20 years ago, but I was hired as a baby sitter to a baby and a 6 year old child when I was just 14 years old. The parents would have me watch the children on nights out when they'd get home past midnight. I did just fine.

If your children are sensible, I wouldn't worry one bit about letting them stay home by themselves. Leave some food, snacks and movies for them, and have them agree to stay in the house until you get back home. If you trust them to do this, they'll be fine.

LuckySantangelo35 · 18/02/2025 12:51

Newname25 · 17/02/2025 22:35

No to an overnight. Can you not just drive back or tell them they have to go to the grandparents

@EdithBond

@Newname25

no to driving back because then they can’t have a drink can they

Eggsandavocado · 18/02/2025 20:01

Depends on your kids, I’ve been leaving mine overnight since she was 14. She’s super sensible, knows how to shut off water/gas, knows how to sort the fuse board etc. We also have several neighbours she can go to if needed.

Ihavenopatienceforthis · 18/02/2025 20:05

Government website says a child under 17 should not be left alone overnight.

Those saying they should do as there told and go to grandparents would you really force your child to go somewhere they don't want to.

Get a sitter to come stop with them or come home after the show

Terfarina · 18/02/2025 20:08

Depends on the kids. My nearly 16 YO would be fine but my Most Difficult Child Ever (tm) would not have been trusted at home overnight, like - ever!

MixedBananas · 18/02/2025 20:08

At this age your say is final. Go to Grandparents end of. 9retty simple. They are bot old enough to stay overnight alone no way.

Otherwise pay for MIL travel to come to yours.
I bet they are planning to have mates over / party?

DontBeADick11 · 18/02/2025 20:09

Repeat after me “you’re going to stay at yours grandparents, it is not negotiable”

x2boys · 18/02/2025 20:10

Ihavenopatienceforthis · 18/02/2025 20:05

Government website says a child under 17 should not be left alone overnight.

Those saying they should do as there told and go to grandparents would you really force your child to go somewhere they don't want to.

Get a sitter to come stop with them or come home after the show

A sitter at 16🤣🤣🤣
Care to link where it says a 16 year old can't be left alone at night ?