My husband has just left me

MomBruh · 16/02/2025 23:54

Oh gosh. That's awful
Any inklings that this was coming?

You need to tell your manager what's happened and go home & speak to the coward.

You can't do meaningful work in these conditions your head must be fried.

Yellowcakestand · 16/02/2025 23:56

Oh gosh. Sorry to hear this. Need to put your head into practical mode. Not your first instinct but if this is the end you need to plan.

You may be able to apply for benefits. Check the 'entitled tomorrow 'turn2us' calculators.

Can you work make some allowances/special paid leave whilst you work out childcare, etc. Call in family for support.

Do your work have an employee assistance programme where you can phone for support/advice.
Make sure you talk and dont bottle things up.

Good luck x

Icanflyhigh · 16/02/2025 23:56

Go home now. Extenuating circumstances etc, but you can't work when you've just been blindsided (I assume) by what you've just been told.
Hope you're ok x

VashtiPurple · 16/02/2025 23:58

Can you carry on with your shift or do you need to go home? What sort of man drops this bombshell when you’re at work?

Financially you have a job, you can sort the practicalities out tomorrow. Your children are teenagers, not nursery age.

I’m so sorry.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/02/2025 00:03

What a charmer dropping this on you like that!

financially - emotionally - childcare I’m screwed for it all.

When you have some time/headspace, try to think it through practically. What do you earn? Will you need to move? What childcare do you need for teenagers-is it night shifts you work?

MissionaryMumtoOne · 17/02/2025 00:06

I’d go home now OP and say that you’ve received some awful news and can’t possibly work, or extenuating circumstances etc.

do you have any leave you could take for the week while you and your children get adjusted?

Time40 · 17/02/2025 00:14

when I get home in the morning to take over with the children he’s going for good

Oh, so he's planning to waltz out of his parental responsibility and let you do it all, is he? Personally, I wouldn't go home. Go and stay somewhere else, while you decide what you want to do. Spoil his plans and let him look after the children.

Mrsbloggz · 17/02/2025 00:16

I'm so very sorry @Whatdoidonowthenhey 💗
You must be hugely in shock and struggling to take things in. As suggested by others it may be best to phone your employer and tell them that there is a family emergency.

NewHeaven · 17/02/2025 00:22

Oh I so sorry @Whatdoidonowthenhey what an absolute shithead your dp is. Speak to your manager and try and get a few days off work to get a plan in place.

Can you forward his message to his family before he spins them a tale? At least they have proof of his intentions before they get sucked in by his lies. He will find it difficult to persuade them with another version if you've already sent them his text message.

I'd also share it on Facebook now so everyone knows before he leaves what a shit he is. Best thing to do is to destroy his reputation before he destroys yours.

He won't be expecting you to do anything at this time of night so make sure you move your half of the cash from all joint accounts. After you do transfer your money, do a big online foodshop & buy next size clothes/ shoes for the kids.

Change all your passwords to all of your accounts.

NewHeaven · 17/02/2025 00:25

Time40 · 17/02/2025 00:14

when I get home in the morning to take over with the children he’s going for good

Oh, so he's planning to waltz out of his parental responsibility and let you do it all, is he? Personally, I wouldn't go home. Go and stay somewhere else, while you decide what you want to do. Spoil his plans and let him look after the children.

I agree with this, book a hotel or stay with someone until you've decided what to do.

Book a solicitors appointment to discuss any financial arrangements if you have joint property/assets etc.

Ivyiris · 17/02/2025 00:26

I would try and get out of your Nightshift. I know it might not be easy depending on circumstances. So sorry op

VashtiPurple · 17/02/2025 00:27

NewHeaven · 17/02/2025 00:22

Oh I so sorry @Whatdoidonowthenhey what an absolute shithead your dp is. Speak to your manager and try and get a few days off work to get a plan in place.

Can you forward his message to his family before he spins them a tale? At least they have proof of his intentions before they get sucked in by his lies. He will find it difficult to persuade them with another version if you've already sent them his text message.

I'd also share it on Facebook now so everyone knows before he leaves what a shit he is. Best thing to do is to destroy his reputation before he destroys yours.

He won't be expecting you to do anything at this time of night so make sure you move your half of the cash from all joint accounts. After you do transfer your money, do a big online foodshop & buy next size clothes/ shoes for the kids.

Change all your passwords to all of your accounts.

Excellent ideas.
OP, try to be practical now and emotional later.
This is a family emergency so you need a few days off.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 17/02/2025 00:27

I'm very sorry to read this @Whatdoidonowthenhey

What a terrible shock for you. Is he moving in with another woman?

VashtiPurple · 17/02/2025 00:28

Ivyiris · 17/02/2025 00:26

I would try and get out of your Nightshift. I know it might not be easy depending on circumstances. So sorry op

Yes - if you’re a doctor, nurse or care worker, do the bank transfers on your break.

healthybychristmas · 17/02/2025 00:31

What a horrible person he is. I would be at my house that he has somewhere to go to and someone to go to who is backing him up on all this.

Are you able to take emergency leave from work while you get things sorted?

Honestly, men might not should be put into prison for acting in this way. It's complete neglect of their own children.

Notimeforaname · 17/02/2025 00:33

Icanflyhigh · 16/02/2025 23:56

Go home now. Extenuating circumstances etc, but you can't work when you've just been blindsided (I assume) by what you've just been told.
Hope you're ok x

I think this too.

CountryMumof4 · 17/02/2025 00:34

Oh crumbs OP - what a shock :-( Financially, I'd very quickly check whatever joint accounts you share. If you have your own account, transfer out whatever you've put it to make sure it isn't cleared. Try to go home if you can, but I appreciate this may not be possible. Deep breaths - this is incredibly painful, but you WILL get through it ultimately x

TheSquareMile · 17/02/2025 00:50

Get in touch with a solicitor, OP.

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

OneFineDay13 · 17/02/2025 00:54

what a horrible man.

isthatmyage · 17/02/2025 01:03

Whatdoidonowthenhey · 16/02/2025 23:51

My husband of 15 years has just text me whilst on my night shift to say he’s packed his car up and when I get home in the morning to take over with the children he’s going for good.

So……

what do I do now?

financially - emotionally - childcare I’m screwed for it all.

Naively been with him for 17 years hanging on his every word and promise and now I’m mid 30’s - 2 teenagers and facing a world I don’t even know how to begin taking a step forward into on top of the fact I have another 6 hours of shift to get through.

Just reply 'ok thank you dear don't forget to put the bins out' , just that.....twat xx

Original poster

Whatdoidonowthenhey · 17/02/2025 04:12

Thank you for your replies. I have remained at work.

I have focused myself on what I need to do.

I feel as though I’ve been blindsided as I’ve just been convinced to go part time (which is not something I can now retract) due to pre teens additional support needs and husbands work commitments. So it all feels sneaky and pre planned.

I have been with this man since I was 16. I haven’t built connections have been very isolated to our family. I do not have extended family myself and literally just moved house to a new area so haven’t built up any support yet.

I feel like a train wreck. I don’t really know who I am or what I’m meant to be now. One step at a time I suppose. Can’t help but feel resentful that I have given him all of my good years.

There is no money to tuck away he’s had it all over the past couple of years on the promises of it coming back with more.

OP posts:

BMW6 · 17/02/2025 05:39

You need to see a divorce lawyer ASAP. Get whatever paperwork you can re finances, bank statements, payslips so you can get maintenance sorted to support you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/02/2025 05:48

I am so sorry. What a disgusting way to treat you! Can you move back? Is that something you’d like to do?

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 17/02/2025 05:49

This is just awful for you.

I'm so sorry that he's putting you through this ❤️

What housing costs do you have? Aside from your emotions right now, which must be all over the place, housing for you and the children, is the most important thing to work out

Can you stay in the family home?

You can apply for benefits, of course, which will boost your income considerably

If you have a chat with your boss and explain what's happening, can you take some time off to sort finances out, and give you some breathing space?

Keep posting here and we will help you as much as we can 🥰

Ydkiml · 17/02/2025 06:15

Sorry you’re in this position and you’ve been treat disgusting by him but you need to find your strength . You do have it in you . One step at a time . Don’t look to far ahead in your mind . He’s a twat and he’s done you a favour in the long term . You’re still very young and life has a funny way of working things out without you having to do nothing .