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Original poster

My husband has just left me

196 replies

Whatdoidonowthenhey · 16/02/2025 23:51

My husband of 15 years has just text me whilst on my night shift to say he’s packed his car up and when I get home in the morning to take over with the children he’s going for good.

So……

what do I do now?

financially - emotionally - childcare I’m screwed for it all.

Naively been with him for 17 years hanging on his every word and promise and now I’m mid 30’s - 2 teenagers and facing a world I don’t even know how to begin taking a step forward into on top of the fact I have another 6 hours of shift to get through.

OP posts:
KhakiOrca · 17/02/2025 06:23

This is awful for you OP. But please don't think your best years have been with him. You are only mid 30s with teenagers. You best years are yet to come. Although it doesn't l like that right now.
What an arsehole, he probably did have it all planned.

arcticpandas · 17/02/2025 06:27

What an awful husband, man and parent he is to do this to your family. If he wanted out there are decent ways to go about this.

You will get through this. A year from now you will feel better and stronger. In the meantime put in a cms claim asap.

Luddite26 · 17/02/2025 06:33

@Whatdoidonowthenhey
You haven't given him all your best years.
After the shock and getting sorted you can have better days ahead.
I'm so sorry you seem to have been shafted.
Maybe the part time move will work out better for you right now and you may be able to get universal credit.
Have you heard any more from him overnight?
Speak to a solicitor asap. You can do this. 💐

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 17/02/2025 06:41

Also - I agree with PPs.....you have NOT given him your best years. You are mid thirties, very young, with 50/60/70 years left to make the most WONDERFUL life for yourself 🥰❤️

pusspuss9 · 17/02/2025 06:51

Time40 · 17/02/2025 00:14

when I get home in the morning to take over with the children he’s going for good

Oh, so he's planning to waltz out of his parental responsibility and let you do it all, is he? Personally, I wouldn't go home. Go and stay somewhere else, while you decide what you want to do. Spoil his plans and let him look after the children.

Go and stay somewhere else, while you decide what you want to do. Spoil his plans and let him look after the children

I'm guessing you're not a mum then?

Channellingsophistication · 17/02/2025 07:11

So sorry you are going through this. What a shock! Take it one day at a time you will get through this.

I got divorced in my mid 30s - my best years were after that - and yours will be too.

Greywhippet · 17/02/2025 07:20

As others have said, you definitely haven’t given him your best years, just your young ones. You have it all ahead of you now.
He sounds very immature and unkind.

Ferniefernfernfern · 17/02/2025 07:21

This is horrific. Call a lawyer.

DazedDragon · 17/02/2025 07:24

@Whatdoidonowthenhey it may feel awful at the moment but you need to see it as a blessing in disguise.

Ending a 17 year relationship by message when you're at work is spineless. Sounds like he has been rather manipulative.

How old are the teenagers?

Is the house owned or rented?

CrispieCake · 17/02/2025 07:25

I realise that this is very raw right now, but from your updates it may well turn out that the trash has taken itself out.

Shouldbedoing · 17/02/2025 07:28

Tell your Manager, make an appointment with HR.
You actually sound focused. Use your anger to carry you through the coming days.
Single person council tax bill/UC may all help.
He's a nothing.

3luckystars · 17/02/2025 07:28

What do you mean you have been hanging on his every word?

Do you mean he has been calling the shots and you knew something wasn’t right but believed him anyway?

So sorry, has he met someone else do you think?

Moonlightstars · 17/02/2025 07:32

As an older woman I promise you, you haven't given him your best years. Those are to come. Particularly without this horrible bit of rubbish you've been living with.

2025willbemytime · 17/02/2025 07:36

You will be fine. So many of the population have been in a marriage like yours and have come out the other side stronger with the ex not doing so well. It is scary now and you may doubt your abilities and strength but you have both in abundance. You have to believe it.

This man is an inadequate person, pathetic man and disgraceful father. See, you're none of those things so already doing better than him.

Start a thread for practical help of it would be easier to keep that and the emotions separate and you have a whole team behind you now. He's on his own.

AndThereSheGoes · 17/02/2025 07:37

I have been with this man since I was 16. I haven’t built connections have been very isolated to our family. I do not have extended family myself and literally just moved house to a new area so haven’t built up any support yet.

Know what, you have so much to look forward to then. Seriously wave him off.

Its a lot going on but you've gone part time so you'll have space to sort stuff. Money us the biggest issue but you'll get help with that and he'll need to give you some towards the kids.

You're not the first and won't be the last. There's lots of support out there once you know where to look, it will be all good Op.

Namechangetheyarewatching · 17/02/2025 07:46

I'd be saying, well don't forget the children darling!!¡

Why do men always think they can walk away from the wife and that includes the children.

No you want to leave you take them with you and I shall be Disney mum and have the fun times.

user1492757084 · 17/02/2025 07:51

Due to these shock circumstances, you should retract your offer to work part time. Engage a lawyer and take some days off to think.
Make sure your EXH is slotted in to do 50/50 care with his children.
You are fortunate in that they are teenagers, that is one thing.

Claim your life. Remain working and try to keep EXH equally involved in, and paying for the extra care of your pre teens new needs.

PinkyFlamingo · 17/02/2025 07:52

Jesus what an absolute arsehole. I'm so sorry

Gettingbysomehow · 17/02/2025 07:59

You'll be fine. I did it, you can do it. My teenager was fine alone while I did nights and you have two of them. Can you switch to days?
Take a week off sick if that's at all possible to sort things out and claim UC. Get some help from citizens advice about all you can claim.
If that prick wants a divorce he can damn well pay for it and organise it.

hello261 · 17/02/2025 08:19

Definitely retract your part time offer. Employers cant be surprisingly flexible in extenuating circumstances.

hello261 · 17/02/2025 08:19

Im so sorty

Weepixie · 17/02/2025 08:20

What a nightmare Op. And I know it’s hard to believe you’ll be ok, happier, and life will be better for you but it will be. Just take it a few hours at a time for now and we’ll be here for you.

EdithBond · 17/02/2025 08:26

I feel for you.

What a cowardly shit to text you about it in the middle of a work shift. I hope you’re not medical staff, as that could’ve been very dangerous.

If you’re married, you’ll be entitled to assets and maintenance if he earns more. Make an appointment with a solicitor for as soon as possible to find out what documents you need and your options.

Working part-time may be a benefit for a while to give yourself time to get yourself and the kids through this. Speak to your manager at work, so they can support. And apply for universal credit top ups if you’re likely to struggle financially.

I know it may not feel like it now, but looking at the positives, you really do have your entire life ahead of you. Mid thirties is still very young. You had kids young, so they’ll be adults in a few more years, whereas lots of women don’t have babies until late 30s. That means you’ll soon have the rest of your life ahead of you to do as you please: travel, date who you like, go out, change career, go for promotions. I was mid-50s when my relationship ended and I’m really enjoying life.

He certainly hasn’t had your best years. He’s had all the hard years of babies and young kids when you’re constantly exhausted and tied to your home. He’s going to miss your best years, as they are ahead.

Sending strength.

Loubelle70 · 17/02/2025 08:28

Where is he going to live? He may work but so do you. Let him go...go and drop the kids off before he goes to work...thats the choice he made. He expected you to do it all..he wanted grass is greener. Tell him its choice he made and drop kids off with him whilst you go to work. Dont argue with him.

justletmegetmyglasses · 17/02/2025 08:34

I would ask your doctor to sign you off with stress for a bit while you get advice and your head together. A few things to sort out.
Make an appointment with Citizens Advice.
Universal credit
Child maintenance
Does your teenager get disability and if so do you get carers?( this will help you to stay part time and support your kids) if not look at applying.
Speak to your Manager/ HR about your situation and how they can help you back to work, going on days for example.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
I know it will all feel completely overwhelming for a while but this is a chance for a new chapter in your life, it's going to look different from the one you had planned but your best years are about to begin. 💛

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