My husband has just left me

[Whatdoidonowthenhey]

My husband of 15 years has just text me whilst on my night shift to say he’s packed his car up and when I get home in the morning to take over with the children he’s going for good.

So……

what do I do now?

financially - emotionally - childcare I’m screwed for it all.

Naively been with him for 17 years hanging on his every word and promise and now I’m mid 30’s - 2 teenagers and facing a world I don’t even know how to begin taking a step forward into on top of the fact I have another 6 hours of shift to get through.

That is terrible advice. The OP has enough to deal with without being encouraged to do something illegal that could get her into trouble in court.
OP there is a relationships board, a legal advice board and a divorce advice board on MN that you might find helpful.
It is really important to get hold of any financial paperwork you can find including bank statements, life insurance, mortgage, tax returns, pensions, payslips. If he has taken everything, you need legal advice asap.

Do not go back to work full-time, considering you will now have all the care of your children, if you will be better off p/t and on UC. Make sure you claim every single benefit you are entitled to, £23 billion goes unclaimed every year which governments do not advertise!One day at a time, you will get there and have a better life away from this twisted rat of a man. All very best wishes sweetheart. 💚

Back on with further points based on experience....

Going back to your support network.

Get a friend sit with you or make calls for you and if need be attend meetings with you

1. My sister attended and continues to attend meetings with my solicitor as sometimes I am so overwhelmed by the emotions of the situation that I miss the pertinent poi ts the solicitor is trying g to make.

1. Either call or get a friend to sit with you to call to get registered for universal credit asap. It takes about 6 weeks to get in the system. Dont miss or fail to follow up on the things they ask you to send them in terms of ID etc as they will set you back to say 1 of the 6 weeks.

You might need a friend to start the phonecall for you and to explain your situation if you are overwhelmed. I am not ashamed to say I cried during every single call as I was in shock and humiliation. Your friend could maybe explain the situation and then hand you the phone to take over with giving your personal details etc

Even if you think you don't t need/want benefits, trust me you will need them to pay bills like utilities, kids phones, Legal bills etc etc etc

Get your friends going through all personal family finances etc to see what info you can glean. Payslips pensions ISAs etc for you and your ex. You need as much info as possible to get a true picture of things.

Has he done this kind of thing before? I.e - left and come back?
Sorry you are going through this OP, he is a first class arsehole.💐

This thread shows how very necessary it is to have someone to turn to.

OP sorry yo hear this. Are you an NHS doctor? I ask because you mention night shifts. If you are refer yourself to Practioner Health. They give help and support.

Many years ago this happened to me.
I very quickly formed a partnership with a good man. My life was far from over. I had new energy and got promoted at work. Bought my own house, have holidays abroad.
oh I did destroy his favourite hand made shirt and I smashed his beloved Iron Maiden record. This caused him the pain he should have been feeling.
My children are all graduates with professional jobs. After the initial heartbreak, I never looked back. The heartbreak and terror were searing at first, I really feel for you. Your life is far from over though. Good luck!

Why has the poster not come back and updated us

Because it's her real life, not a soap opera. She will be busy, or distraught, or both.

Are you for real? This is a board for support and advice. It's for the poster's benefit to use as much or as little as they need. It's not for your entertainment. It's not a podcast or a drama series - there is no obligation for a satisfactory ending.

I honestly cannot believe the things people say 'out loud' sometimes.

You are presently in shock. It will pass, because you are strong. I do admire you for going part time to support your teens. That comes from a knowing, that you put your children first. An understanding of their needs.

Small children are happy to go home to a friend's house after school, or to grandma or other arrangements. It doesn't affect them. When my children were at school - I have 3 - my friend and I swapped kids for one day a week. She had 5 so we took turns at 8 for tea. It worked out very well.
When my X buzzed off to Spain my daughter was 15. Obviously I wasn't always able to be home after school, but she had the animals to tend to and kept occupied.
When we were alone I reasoned that teenagers should really not come home to an empty house after school. I realised that teenagers need someone there. We think they are capable of looking after themselves after school, but often they are not.

If you can work so that you can be home when they come home from school, then you are certainly putting them first at this shocking time. Even if you go out later, to be there to come home to is so important. They need the security of knowing you care for them, even if their father doesn't.

Op, you’re mid 30s with teenagers. Im 41 with a 9,6 and 3yo, I’m going to spend my 40s slogging through the children balance. You’ll spend your 40s discovering yourself and living your life. Don’t think for a moment that your best years are done. Im looking forward to my 50s and being where you are now!

sit down, think through your options. What’s the safest? What’s the most potential? What’s the best for children? What’s the best for you? Look up lawyers and go for everything you can. Look up maintenance, message him you expect the rent paid for the next 3 months or whatever else seems like a good idea. Be honest with your work, you won’t meet anyone who doesn’t think what a shithead he is.

Now with you and your children living in the home without another adult, you can claim the 25% single occupancy council tax discount, because they don't count children.
I know claiming benefits is not easy, often running into double figure books, but this is one that will help you too, and you need to claim all you can. Your situation is not your fault.

"I'd share it on Facebook".
Everything wrong with the world today

Go empty the bank accounts and don’t go back home. Check into a hotel and don’t let him know where you are.

It was 6 days ago you're nutmeg of advice is a bit late coming.

You are right. I’m an idiot late to the party! Operating on minimal sleep currently so attention to detail is suboptimal 😂

I have just come out of a similar situation. 3 years ago I found out my husband was having yet another affair. This was the 3rd time and I’d had enough. I kicked him out….and I changed the locks (no repercussions despite him whinging about it) because he refused to contribute to the mortgage or secured loan we had taken out to bail out his failed business. I represented myself throughout the whole thing. It was mentally and emotionally draining and I wanted to give up at times, especially while he was rubbing my face in his new relationship. He tried everything to mess with me. Called the police saying I was selling stolen goods, tried to get me in trouble at work etc. It was all lies. I ended up with a non mol because that man mentally, emotionally and financially abused me and the judge told him I had a very clear case of abuse and he was a manipulative liar. She is 28 years younger so it stung a lot. To cut a long story short, the marital home just sold, he got a set amount agreed at the financial hearing (not a percentage because he wasn’t advised very well by his solicitor in court!) and I ended up with double the equity he got. He still tried to mess with me. Once he saw the completion figures he tried to stop the sale of the house, he accused me of fraud and misrepresentation, but we had a court order that he could not change so he had to agree. My revenge is knowing I came away very comfortable, with twice as much as he got and it will haunt him for the rest of his miserable life. OP… you’ve got this. It will be hard at times but right now you and the kids are important. Take done time just for yourself then start putting things in place to secure your future. It might seem your world is imploding right now but I promise you it will get better. You can do it.

What a disgusting man - good riddance to him! OP you are only in your 30s - plenty left to look forward to! He’s done you a favour - let him string someone else along! It will be hard at first but this time next year you will be in a better position- good luck 🤞

it's not neglecting there children at all,if there marriage isn't going great they could be doing more damage to the kids by staying than leaving,sometimes that's the only option you have in life,it's not a film and it's not a series you watch on tele this is there life,yeah it sucks what he's just done and I really do feel sorry for the lady but clearly something isn't right for them to get to this point in life,I remember as a child my parents argued non stop everyday for 7 years,my dad was an arse and my mum was a bi@@@ to me during these times,when they spilt up my life got so much better,I was only 7 but my dad and mum changed and they became nice to me,my dad brought me up on he's own tho coz she didn't want a kid hanging round her which pissed me off but had the best dad,there has to be a reason he's leaving and that's the thing she's not told us about in this thread,it always sucks when people split up it always results in one person doing th walking and seem fine and then another one is heart broken and doesn't know what to do anymore,iv been there on both ends,when I walked away from a relationship I had been in for 4 years domestic abuse,mental abuse it was horrible but kept getting me to go back,I'd never tell anyone coz didn't want them thinking bad of him,yet when I finally did leave all my friends apparently seen him for who he was,I thought well thanks for helping me and leaving me to it for 4 years,there is more to this story than she's told us he can't just decide to leave if they was on good terms really would be a twat then for doing that

How are things now? I really feel for you in these situation. I hope he gets some bad karma for being so cruel 😔