My husband has just left me

[Whatdoidonowthenhey]

My husband of 15 years has just text me whilst on my night shift to say he’s packed his car up and when I get home in the morning to take over with the children he’s going for good.

So……

what do I do now?

financially - emotionally - childcare I’m screwed for it all.

Naively been with him for 17 years hanging on his every word and promise and now I’m mid 30’s - 2 teenagers and facing a world I don’t even know how to begin taking a step forward into on top of the fact I have another 6 hours of shift to get through.

I'm wondering why he tricked you into going part time. The other way around I would get.

What an asshole doing it this way. He'll be asking favours before the year is out though.

I wonder if he has an OW who is loving the drama of it all?

There is no legal way to "Make sure your EXH is slotted in to do 50/50 care with his children" and he hardly seems like thd type to offer this.
Absent parents can choose do to as little childcare as they wish.

He texted you?!? What a spineless twat.

I’m so sorry - but I would not be rushing home this morning. I’d get breakfast somewhere and contact a solicitor. I would send one response along these lines.

I acknowledge receipt of your message. You can hardly expect me to simply come home without seeking legal advice first.

I can, however, expect you to remain in the house with our children and explain to them what you’re doing when they get up.

Op I’m sorry you’re going through this. Contact gingerbread single parent advice or look on entitled to. You may be better off working part time if you can’t do night shifts as a single parent. Depending on your childrens ages. The sites I suggested will tell you if you’re entitled to any benefits. Can you discuss with your manager if being full time is a option.

OP I have been in this situation. You WILL be OK and one day you will look on this as a blessing
Practically: council tax single occupancy, apply for benefits, apply for child maintenance.
Emotionally: breathe, keep eating, rest, get sone fresh air. You will find strength that you didn't know you had

And yes, speak to your line manager at the end of your shift. I’d show her the message.

He has most definitely not had ‘all of your good years’. You’re still a young woman with your whole life ahead of you. What he’s done is relieved you of the burden of spending it with a twat who doesn’t love or appreciate you, who has fleeced you for money (your family and your children’s money) and who’s done a midnight flit leaving you to deal with the fallout. He’s a real piece of shit and he’s done you a favour by going.

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this - you must be in shock on top of everything else, but at least he’s leaving the home so you have some security and time and space to regroup.

Getting your legal and financial stuff sorted quickly is paramount, and you’ll find loads of great advice on here about what you need to do.

You’ll also find loads of wisdom and support to help you get through this from women who’ve walked many miles in your shoes. You may not believe it now, but you will get through this and you won’t regret it - when you come out the other side you’ll be stronger and happier and in control of your own future.

Keep posting, OP. MN is very good at helping and lifting up women in this situation. I hope you’re ok 💐

Universal credit will help you. I'd also get a solicitor who specialises in divorce. Dig up any paperwork you can find relating to accounts.

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Such a shock.I don't know how you managed to stay at work in the circumstances. No advice to offer but didn't want to read and go. Thinking of you and hopefully others on here will give you some good advice. x

Big girl pants on.

Take half the money out of any joint accounts and put it in your name.

Tell work that whenever possible you want to go back full-time.

Get a solicitor.

Tell him to sod off, don't give him the satisfaction of doing the 'pick me' dance.

Definitively go and see a solicitor.
The fact you are looking after a child either SEN/SN and needed to go part time to support them is something that will be taken into account.

For the rest, it’s a huge shock (and how on earth did he dare telling you that in a text with no warning rather than face to face?)
Dint expect you’ll should fall back onto your feet quickly or should be doing this or that. Just take one day at the time.

You are still very young! And your children are older so you have an opportunity now for a new beginning- it’s the best thing he could have done as you don’t want to waste more of your life on this man.

Given him your best years .....
You haven't
Your mid 30s
Your at the start of your adult life
All the good times are on their way .
Let him go ,wave him off ,you don't need childcare as they are older
Can you speak to someone at work about going back to full time..
You are far more capable than you realise xx

Time to lawyer up.

Ah Op I am sending you hugs indeed. I hope you do get some money from this horrid man.

I am so sorry OP - what a cruel and cowardly way to exit.

You are stronger and more capable than you realise. I PROMISE you that.

In order:

Arrange some leave from work. Sick leave/unpaid leave/compassionate grounds - whatever it takes. Assume it's half term for your DC this week...?

Give yourself a day or two of nothing - just disbelief and crying.

Call on ANY support you can. I know you say its limited - but is there anyone you can talk to? If not, use us! :)

Then look at yourself in the mirror. Look at your children and think about the life you all deserve and get fighting.

Get yourself a lawyer

Speak to citizens advice or use the entitled to website to ensure you are getting the financial support you are due

The hardest part will be navigating your grief (which is how it will feel for a few weeks) around the DC. You should not have to protect his reputation with them, but equally you would hope that in the future, they can have a relationship with their father. I would suggest you are honest but spare - he has decided he wants to leave. I am shocked and upset so bear with me. But we will all be okay in the end.

I am so so sorry
What a cunt

Almost certainly an OW and he will also almost certainly come crawling back at one point (quite possibly, only to dissappear again). I would say that emotionally, your priority is to get to a place of anger and outrage at this coward and ensure you are not going to crumble if he comes knocking. You deserve so much and there are definitely better days ahead. Especially as you have had your DC quite you - you have so much time to live an amazing life - don't stress that bit x

Hope you haven't gone home, have checked into a hotel, and started making some phone calls for legal advice, etc

I'm sorry

All those saying don't go home - you realise he's going to go ANYWAY? It won't matter if OP isn't home, he's made his arrangements. He won't care. If some of them are teenagers then he'll just say they are old enough to leave.

And I wouldn't take any bets on 50/50 either. In fact he probably won't see them again for a while.

I am so sorry OP. You sound very strong and together. Once you get over the shock I hope you will realise that this might be the best thing to happen. You can get your 'you' back.

Excellent advice. One step at a time.
And make sure he pays with his cash and his time, he can’t just walk off from his responsibilities.

He's saying go p/t so she can have the kids more.

He's a scheming shit.

OP So sorry this has happened but like many PPs have said, you have the best years to come. It doesn't seem so now, but you will find this out soon enough.

Fortunately your children are teens so you won't need to worry about childcare etc.

Follow many PPs advice above about solicitors, contacting HR about circumstances etc.

💐

Clear the joint account as he’s a nasty man

Yes, but then he will be on the hook for maintenance. OP should probably hire a foresnic accountant to make sure that he isn't hiding assets as well. He's the sort who would squirrel money away and take pleasure from hiding it. OP shouldn't let him get away with it. Make him pay up every penny that he owes.

I'm so sorry. And what an appalling way for him to communicate this.

You will get through it, one step at a time, and one day you'll see how this was for the best.

You haven't given him all your good years though, they are all to come! Life can be amazing, whatever age you are.

I'm really sorry. What a cruel bastard
My exh did similar but on Christmas Day.
You might think it now, but your best years are certainly not over
I was divorced at 48, 12 years ago and life is great with no drama
My DCs have thrived and he's barely seen them.
Practically speaking, can you afford bills where you are?
Take half from joint accounts and make sure priority bills are paid.
It's hard in a new area I know BUT see this as a fresh start, and look locally to see what's going on
Divorce solicitor asap
You will be better off without him, I promise.