To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

[Sacredhandbag]

Tbh not even just the half term, I dread weekends, especially in the winter.

My DD is 7. She is incredibly full on. She talks from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. She never stops talking. Even on the rare occasion there's noone else in the room. You can't even cuddle up and watch a movie with her because she fidgits and talks and asks constantly never ending questions.
She wants attention ALL the time. She demands to be played with, in fact she doesn't even demand she just starts playing a game with me against my will. I'll be doing the washing up or something and she comes in and says, "we're playing catch now" and lobs a ball at me and then is like "mummy! You're supposed to catch it! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Why aren't you catching it?" Or she'll hand me a doll and tell me I'm the mum and she's the dad and then she'll demand I recite my lines. Doesn't matter if I'm the the middle of something else. If I am sat on the sofa, she will immediately jump on me and demand to be played with.
She also constantly complains. Because home is so tough I try to take her out which is hard when it's so cold and we have a limited budget. I also have an 11yo DS so finding things they both enjoy can be difficult. But when we're out, we will 9/10 come back all of us grumpy and exhausted because she will always find something to complain about and ruin the trip.
And she posseses ZERO patience which means she struggles to learn new things. She can barely read. We try and try to teach her new things to do to entertain her but if she can't get it right first time she throws a huge tantrum and cries and says she can't do anything. She won't keep trying she'll just cry

So AIBU to be at my wit's end with what to do with her this half term? It's not so bad when it's warmer because she plays out with neighbouring kids. But having her home is so hard. She's fun and has a great sense of humour and is incredibly loving but she is SUCH hard work.

Suggestions also welcome.

What happens when you tell her to wait or discipline her for her rude behaviour?

That sounds really tough and more like toddler behaviour. By 7 they should really be able to play on their own.

I really am not usually ‘that’ poster but I feel like it’s actually relevant here to ask this - is she NT?

In the meantime:

1. holidays clubs
2. Play dates. Either your house or someone else’s. Either way it takes pressure off you

I don't think she is. I've mentioned it several times to the school but they just say they don't see anything unusual.

How are you managing her behaviour?

I think it sounds like she needs guidance to recognise boundaries.

Sounds absolutely exhausting.

in the short term you need some kind of routine to take the heat off you. Take her to exercise activities like swimming / sport things to wear her out. Play dates so she has children to play with and parks / outside to burn off her energy.

What are the consequences for her throwing things at you and jumping on you?

Private ADHD diagnosis - sounds like it tbh. If she has it - by the way what it is is persistently/genetically low dopamine - medication is first line treatment.

Have you tried saying, "Not right now because I'm doing... but choose a game and I will play with you in 15 mins"?

It sounds like she's 'connection seeking' with you but obviously it can't always be on her terms because you are an adult and have grown up you things to do too!

Stop giving into her and explain what is appropriate for each incident and stick with it

She sounds like she has adhd.

Sounds like ADHD, I would get her assessed by an educational psychologist for ADHD.

Speak to the GP, I don’t have experience but I’m guessing it’s a quicker way to get it identified?

Use sand timers as a visual to help manage her. So, for example she plays by herself till the sand runs out and then you’ll play with her.

She's not "throwing things at me" in that sense, and that was just one example of how she will just start playing a game with me instead of asking if we can play. In that example she's decided to play catch and she honestly just thinks I will catch the ball.
When she jumps on me I tell her not to and if she does it more than once, I will put her in time out. It really hurts when a big seven year old launches themselves on top of you. But I also know she just wants much more attention and connection than I can give.

An EP can’t diagnose ADHD, it’s a medical condition.

@Sacredhandbag take her to the GP, ask to be referred for ADHD assessment via Right to Choose pathway. Before you go, find out which providers operate in your area.

I did and they told me the school gave to see it to so there's evidence she acts that way everywhere and it's not home environment causing it. As school don't see it, I sometimes think it is home environment but she's also like it with other family members.

Not to be that person who immediately leaps to ND to explain all undesirable behaviour, but this was me exactly as a child and I was diagnosed with ADHD in my twenties. It's worth looking into even if just to rule it out.

School will do a questionnaire which should pick it up, despite behaviours being ‘masked’ in school. They will have noticed her e.g. struggling with friendships, or drifting off in class.

I’d get on the front foot and start the day with a list or tinetable - draw clock faces if necessary. Tell her when it’s playtime and what she can choose. But put in times for you to get stuff done - and stick to them. And when it’s playtime really engage with her. Put your phone away and give her all your attention for 45 minutes or whatever. Do a few minute warning before the session ends, and then walk away and be clear she now can do colouring or playing on her own.

And you’ll need to try to develop her resilience especially around reading. In fact, one of those shared activities should be reading - maybe ten minutes. Morning in half term would be ideal. You’re going to have to insist that she sticks at that but try to build confidence by reading at a level that she can do.

And get out of the house every day - run around at the park, take an old towel to dry damp swing seats or wet slides. And then it’s quieter time for a bit when you come home.

My youngest could be a bit demanding of attention like that, wanting me to play with her all day!
It helped when I set out a structure for the day like - we're going to play for an hour then have lunch then go out for a walk then you can watch tv or play in your room for a bit while I do some jobs then we'll have dinner.
I have also sometimes set the timer on my phone and said we're going to play until the timer goes then we're going to have lunch.
Some sort of holiday club could work too to break the day up a bit? In my area there are sport sessions in the local leisure centre that don't cost much for example.

Have you thought about putting her in a holiday club?

She doesn't seem to wear out. DH is out now with both kids, he's taken them on a long bike ride. They left at 9am and will be back around 12:30. That will be plenty for my 11yo, he will chill for the rest of the day, read, and play his computer games.
But DD will come in an immediately want to go onto the next activity. I am taking her to a birthday party between 2-4pm but she won't want any downtime in between. She'll run around like mad at the soft play birthday party. Most kids would be knackered after both of those things, right? But when we get home she will still want to play and run about until she finally crashes out.