To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

[Sacredhandbag]

Tbh not even just the half term, I dread weekends, especially in the winter.

My DD is 7. She is incredibly full on. She talks from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. She never stops talking. Even on the rare occasion there's noone else in the room. You can't even cuddle up and watch a movie with her because she fidgits and talks and asks constantly never ending questions.
She wants attention ALL the time. She demands to be played with, in fact she doesn't even demand she just starts playing a game with me against my will. I'll be doing the washing up or something and she comes in and says, "we're playing catch now" and lobs a ball at me and then is like "mummy! You're supposed to catch it! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Why aren't you catching it?" Or she'll hand me a doll and tell me I'm the mum and she's the dad and then she'll demand I recite my lines. Doesn't matter if I'm the the middle of something else. If I am sat on the sofa, she will immediately jump on me and demand to be played with.
She also constantly complains. Because home is so tough I try to take her out which is hard when it's so cold and we have a limited budget. I also have an 11yo DS so finding things they both enjoy can be difficult. But when we're out, we will 9/10 come back all of us grumpy and exhausted because she will always find something to complain about and ruin the trip.
And she posseses ZERO patience which means she struggles to learn new things. She can barely read. We try and try to teach her new things to do to entertain her but if she can't get it right first time she throws a huge tantrum and cries and says she can't do anything. She won't keep trying she'll just cry

So AIBU to be at my wit's end with what to do with her this half term? It's not so bad when it's warmer because she plays out with neighbouring kids. But having her home is so hard. She's fun and has a great sense of humour and is incredibly loving but she is SUCH hard work.

Suggestions also welcome.

If she doesn't do the whole needy attention seeking behaviour at school then perhaps she's bored at home ?

Set up a clearly written timetable for weekends and school holidays

Include time when she sees friends and goes out swimming or shopping or to the park. Also include chore time, time she plays alone, and so on

When she does what's set out on the timetable with no problem - reward her

Yes, she likes them, but they don't seem to offer any around here that run in half terms, only the longer Christmas, Easter and Summer Holidays.

What happens when you say No I'm busy, it's mummy's quiet time etc. are you firm or do you give in?
Children need to be bored to be creative.
If you go out set your expectations and tell her off if she's being ungrateful

Do you tell her off for her behaviour? Not just time out, but properly tell her off and make it clear that what she's doing is unacceptable?

Girls are brilliant at masking OP. This sounds full on and suggests she has some sort of neurodiversity. If you aren't getting anywhere with school speak to GP. Best of luck.

Setting boundaries is great, but properly telling a child off for behaviours beyond their control due to a dopamine deficiency is counterproductive and leads to poorer behaviour long term.

DS1 is medicated for ADHD and his behaviour is excellent. He was difficult to manage before meds.

No the school never does.

I had one like this. Angelic at school, exhausting at home.

She’s ADHD. Diagnosed at 17. I remember dreading school holidays as she was so demanding and full on, even though she was lovely too. Completely incapable of entertaining herself. Often dystegulated

I totally agree. It's healthy to be bored!

I encourage her to play by herself and actually she's extremely creative and great at making up games. But she hates playing alone. If I won't join in, she wants me to "watch" her playing. Like actually sit there and stare at her while she plays with her Barbies.

I can't seem to get her to play completely independently, she'll be back after five minutes, demanding involvement.
Playdates are great but I can't arrange one every day nor do I think that's that good for her.

It sounds like you need to be firmer with boundaries Op

Interrupting when you are doing a task -firm no Im washing up, I will play in 20 minutes when I'm finished.
Climbing/ jumping absolutely not!
Mine knew this was a firm no even as 2 year old, it hurts, it's not on

Honestly my almost 7 years old doesn't tire, she would absolutely go on a long bike ride and then a birthday party and come home and be mithering to play games, want to practice her gymnastics etc
Organised sport/clubs is our sanity.
Finding sports she is good at (because she also doesn't like not being able to do something!) was a game changer.
We are also always out doing something 🙂
I suspect my daughter has ADHD though. School would never agree but girls tend to mask pretty well.

I can't seem to get her to play completely independently, she'll be back after five minutes, demanding involvement

That's where the timetable will be useful. Point out that she has another 25 minutes to go (provide clock or something similar) and remind her of the treat she'll get if she sticks to the timetable

She sounds like she absolutely does have ADHD. Go private for a dx. State schools will almost never catch ND girls. The routine of school will be really soothing to her in a way. Can you make your weekends have more routine? Have a look at sensory diets. She sounds like she's really not getting the input she needs. Things like stepping stones, yoga balls, weighted blankets etc make a huge difference.

Most kids would be knackered after both of those things, right?
No, I think most kids would be fine with that. Does she do a sport? Can you find something for her to do regularly and direct her energy? DD does 3 different sports and sounds a bit like your Dd when she was younger/during the holidays.

If she wants to play catch and you can't, suggest she learns to juggle.
Give her some jobs to do like cleaning the windows.
Your DS is 11, you could occasionally leave him home for 30mins-1 hour and take her out for a run.

I explain very clearly to her why she can't do X and why. It's dangerous/it makes others feel X etc.

I would write to the school and say we’ve discussed her behaviour at home before and you’ve told me she’s completely typical at school. I find this hard to believe given the challenges we have at home. I’d like to ask some specific questions to understand how she is at school - can she stay in her seat for a whole lesson? If not, do other children move just as much? Can she listen to you explain something without interrupting? If she raised her hand can she wait until you’ve called on her? Can she concentrate on a task independently?

as I suspect it’s adhd too, and it will be a battle for diagnosis. We have some of this in our eldest, school don’t see it, the trampoline and basketball hoop are used every day at home. I think he really self regulates on the trampoline.

Girls with ADHD don’t always present as boys often do, especially at school as they are better at masking. The constant talking and stimulation seeking with other people are pretty classic signs of ADHD in girls, my daughter was exactly the same. Schools still often use the criteria more applicable to boys when observing their behaviour and don’t take masking into account. I’d get a second opinion.

Thanks everyone for suggestions, I'm going to come back to this thread to read some more, it's been really helpful so far and I'm taking a lot of note of what everyone is saying. Liking the timetable suggestions.
I need to go for a bit now though because this is the only time I have to tackle housework while DD is out with DH so I will probably be back this evening.
Thanks so much

Not all children are neuro diverse especially if they have no boundaries in place, sometimes issues can be down to parenting I'm not saying that's the case all the time and sometimes children can just be hard work

Some kids are just like this, sounds like it could be ADHD, but even if it is, it could take years to get properly assessed and in the meantime you need help for this half term!
I noticed you mentioned a limited budget, so that may rule out holiday clubs. So I’d suggest arranging lots of play dates, so that she’s got someone to play with. A walk in the woods or a trip to the local park are much fun with a playmate, especially as it sounds like DS isn’t really playing with her. Also things like dance apps ( is Just Dance still a thing?), as well as role play with dolls or whatever she’s interested in.
If it works for your location, walk rather than drive to places like the library or shops. Get her involved in helping around the house. She sounds bored. She needs frequent changes of scenery and activity, but those don’t all have to be “ fun” things. So helping strip the beds and remaking them followed by 15 minutes tea break for you and her drawing, followed by prepping lunch with her helping then all going out to post a letter, back for lunch, clearing up, getting ready for outing ( park, meeting a friend/ grandma) etc.
Find games the family can play together( jenga/ ouisi/ kerplunk/ twister. Get a swing ball if you’ve got outside space, which she could play with DS. But most of all get her other kids to play with.

I didn't mean shout or give her a bollocking - maybe that was poor wording on my part.

I meant more that if time out isn't working, she maybe needs stricter boundaries or different consequences. Even children with ADHD (if that's what she has) can be taught how to behave and learn what is/isn't acceptable.

She sounds a bit like my DD. She would have lots of meltdowns at home though which she didn’t have at school

Undiagnosed ADHD until highschool. Primary school “didn’t see it” and didn’t encourage paeds/medical checks. Just made me feel bad like it was home and boundaries and give me parenting CDs to listen to

she fell apart in high school. We got a diagnosis medication and totally different child.

make a diary and talk to your GP.

@biscuitsandbooks Yes, like I mentioned, DS1 is impeccably behaved with great manners, it's just that he still struggles with impulse control so I have to be careful about how I address these behaviours with him.

I read you have another child too. I'm sure you take steps already, but please don't let your daughter push her sibling aside in a bid to get your one-to-one attention all the time. I was the sibling in a similar case when we were growing up and it wasn't much fun.

It does sound like possible ADHD. I’d see Gp and take it from there.
What activities does she do? Brownies or cubs is usually a cheaper option.

@Oioisavaloy27

I work with ND and undiagnosed ND children. OP's daughter's behaviour aligns with this profile, as described.

There exists treatment for ADHD, children shouldn't have to live with the symptoms, which can have a horrendous negative impact on them (and others).