To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

[Sacredhandbag]

Tbh not even just the half term, I dread weekends, especially in the winter.

My DD is 7. She is incredibly full on. She talks from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. She never stops talking. Even on the rare occasion there's noone else in the room. You can't even cuddle up and watch a movie with her because she fidgits and talks and asks constantly never ending questions.
She wants attention ALL the time. She demands to be played with, in fact she doesn't even demand she just starts playing a game with me against my will. I'll be doing the washing up or something and she comes in and says, "we're playing catch now" and lobs a ball at me and then is like "mummy! You're supposed to catch it! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Why aren't you catching it?" Or she'll hand me a doll and tell me I'm the mum and she's the dad and then she'll demand I recite my lines. Doesn't matter if I'm the the middle of something else. If I am sat on the sofa, she will immediately jump on me and demand to be played with.
She also constantly complains. Because home is so tough I try to take her out which is hard when it's so cold and we have a limited budget. I also have an 11yo DS so finding things they both enjoy can be difficult. But when we're out, we will 9/10 come back all of us grumpy and exhausted because she will always find something to complain about and ruin the trip.
And she posseses ZERO patience which means she struggles to learn new things. She can barely read. We try and try to teach her new things to do to entertain her but if she can't get it right first time she throws a huge tantrum and cries and says she can't do anything. She won't keep trying she'll just cry

So AIBU to be at my wit's end with what to do with her this half term? It's not so bad when it's warmer because she plays out with neighbouring kids. But having her home is so hard. She's fun and has a great sense of humour and is incredibly loving but she is SUCH hard work.

Suggestions also welcome.

After meals (all of them) institute a new rule that everyone has to be in their own room for a quiet half an hour. She can read/play/do colouring, but she can’t come out until you come to get her. Immediately it gives you a short break, but it should help her learn how to entertain herself a bit more.

Could you try to kill 2 birds with one stone by playing games that subtly encourage reading so that at least you feel it's productive?

She sounds exactly like my daughter was as a child! She is 15 now and only recently diagnosed with ADHD and autism. I fought battles with teachers all through her primary years as they maintained she was fine at school. It was only when puberty hit that her school started to see the behaviour she exhibited at home. It’s known that ND females can mask very well when not at home or with people they can relax with, meaning others don’t see their true behaviour. Take her to the GP and explain how she is at home, they will more than likely refer her for a neuro diversity assessment. It’s interesting that she struggles with reading also. My daughter is dyslexic and this is common in people with ADHD or autism. Wishing you both well xx

She does sound like my adhd son at that age. I found it as hard as you’re describing. Turns out he has adhd, I have adhd plus autism - communication drains me and having to talk when I’m tired makes me feel like crying. So those were fun times..

I get it!

I thought I was a horrible person until my best friend took him out for the day and returned exhausted saying “I think that boy needs some Ritalin!” “He doesn’t stop!” And she was a talker herself 😆

I laughed it off, I had no idea about adhd. He’s now been diagnosed as an adult.

I also don't like to be "that poster" but your post is screaming ADHD at me. Please have a read up about it and, if it rungs a bell, push for assessment (bypass the school if necessary).

I could have written this about my adhd 7 year old. It’s so very hard.

I think if mine had thrown a ball at me I would have take it off them.

Mum is busy, go and amuse yourself for a while please

No I don't want to play your game right now

I agree but we get worn down and worn out. Is OP on her own, does she have support?

Tricky.

She needs things to go:
books to read
a still life to sketch and then paint it in 2 different versions
sort out her room
hoover

then at lunch or break talk about the book, the sketch or whatever

She needs direction

Love the idea of hoovering. Hoovering or ADHD?

id put her in holiday club!

Look at holiday clubs. We had no choice because we both worked but our DC loved it at 7 til they didn’t then we let them stay home from 11 years onwards..

TBH you make your 7 year old sound like an untrained pet that is an annoyance to you. We always embraced our DC and pretty much played with them or did homework with them til they went to bed. Around 10/11 they naturally wanted more independence and space and we gave it to them.

She is can barely read at 7…. I would arrange a meeting with the school tell what’s going on at home.

She is probably masking in school

Sounds like a good idea to get her involved in sporting activities. Then maybe private ADHD assessment if that is possible?
Could ask school how they manage - bet her teacher really needs half term (not saying this is just because of her - teachers always really need half term!)

I was reading your OP thinking this sounds just like my DS (also 7), he was recently diagnosed with ADHD.
I’ve also seen the number of other people throughout the thread saying ADHD as well. You say school aren’t on board, which could make it harder for a diagnosis, but girls apparently are excellent at masking. My son never masks at school so we didn’t have this issue. I would say a meeting with school would be a first step, I mean are they just glossing over the fact that she can barely read?

I would massively recommend the book “How not to murder your ADHD kid”.
The title is purely attention grabbing, as the book is fantastic. There are so many behaviours and struggles that kids with ADHD have that you don’t even think about and it explains it all, and gives advice on how to deal with this. It really helps you reframe how you think about your child, I have so much sympathy for my DS and what he has to deal with every day.

If she does have ADHD her brain is constantly searching for dopamine hits, and she’s desperately trying to get you to help fill that need (I’d highly recommend a trampoline for the garden if you haven’t already got one). If you can also find something she’s massively into an ADHD brain will hyper focus on this as it gives them the dopamine they want. For example my son is currently obsessed with Minecraft/roblox videos on YouTube and would spend a whole day watching these if we let him. But this is an easy way to occupy him if he or us need downtime, or if we need to transition him from leaving the house, or coming back home etc, without there being a meltdown.

Has she ever been told “no”?

I just got to this thread so my comment probably won't get noticed as its page 5... but I just wanted to say op, I feel the same about my dd (although she's only 4).

It's so hard, I'm getting physical stress symptoms whenever I have to look after both my kids at once for long periods. (I have a 1yo as well). I literally start feeling stressed when I head home from work, knowing that the onslaught of whining, wailing, demanding, complaining is about to start.

People who make glib suggestions "just say no, tell her off" have absolutely no idea what I'm going through.

It does help to keep her busy but it's a different kind of exhausting coming up with 50 different 10-minute activities to fill the day.

My first thought was can you invite her friends round? I found ingot a teal break when the children had another child to play with

Sounds exactly like my DD and I'm positive she has ADHD although we don't have a diagnosis. To be honest, I'm not sure what the point of getting a diagnosis would be if a child isn't objectively suffering or disruptive to the point of school problems. It seems very selfish to medicate a child just so adults can have a bit of peace at home. If there are school attendance issues, MH issues, or other serious impacts from ADHD then it would make sense. But a little girl with excessive energy who genuinely enjoys her life otherwise doesn't seem like a fair candidate for medication.

I just try my best to grin and bear it during the holidays. I try to include at least one activity outside the house right after breakfast so she gets some energy out. I also notice she has hobbies where she can hyper focus and play by herself, and we encourage that. This includes building Lego sets, drawing/crafting, playing certain iPad games etc.

I'd also argue that screentime is not the enemy of ADHD kids. Their brains need more stimulation and some age-appropriate video games can supply that without being detrimental. Look into imaginary play apps like Toca World, Avatar World or AHA World. All of those are like virtual dollhouses/worlds were children can build their own characters, stories and settings. They're amazing for developing imagination and narrative skills.

I'm not op but "has she ever been told no" is really not the genius suggestion you think it is.

Yes, of course, she has been told no. Repeatedly, a billion times a day. Sometimes I say it nicely, sometimes I say it firmly, sometimes I say it crossly, I even occasionally snap and shout it. I also sometimes say yes, sometimes I say not right now, sometimes I give long explanations, sometimes I don't give any, the whole gamut of responses.

When your child makes 100 demands an hour, of course they hear "no" in response to some of them.

Sounds like ADHD.

Another upvote for playdates and sports/exercise. For half term I've organised 5 swimming lessons (one eact morning) and 3 afternoon playdates.

It's still going to be bloody hard and I know I will have a perma-headache by about Wednesday.

@Sacredhandbag what is her sleeping like?

(Apologies if you have said, I have whooshed through the thread and tried to put a lid on my simmering rage at all these people who really do not understand what it is like to be a parent to a neurodivergent child)

I also agree this strongly suggests ADHD to me. I have my own AuDHD DS, and your description of your DD sounds so like my friend’s DD (just one year older) who has just been diagnosed with ADHD (and also has dyslexia).
Since this girl was a toddler, she has been the most enormous ball of energy - never stops, always so loud (like inappropriately loud, regardless of the setting), constantly scaling walls and fences and trees, just a total kamikaze child. She also goes 0-100 in a millisecond if she thinks she is being criticised or told off - like a total red mist descends.
Issues at school only came up relatively recently (beyond the dyslexia which was picked up a year or two ago) - when she was really starting to struggle in social relationships (often related to her lashing out). Such an impulsive child, but she is good at heart, she isn’t mean or spiteful, and she genuinely feels a lot of empathy with others - it’s just that split-second impulse thing where she ends up going down a path she shouldn’t. She is not disruptive in class, but she definitely finds it hard to keep a lid on her energy.

There’s lots of really good advice and support out there - I recommend doing some reading about ADHD in girls, and if you think it chimes, have a look at the ADHD Foundation, who have lots of info and support on offer.

DC2’s school threw me off the scent too. Tested DC2 for dyslexia, autism, ADHD, OCD and a few other things. All results normal.

i asked DC2’s dyslexia assessor how the school could have got it wrong and she said it is easy for bright kids to pass the school tests. I guess much the same was true with the ADHD test.