To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

[Sacredhandbag]

Tbh not even just the half term, I dread weekends, especially in the winter.

My DD is 7. She is incredibly full on. She talks from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. She never stops talking. Even on the rare occasion there's noone else in the room. You can't even cuddle up and watch a movie with her because she fidgits and talks and asks constantly never ending questions.
She wants attention ALL the time. She demands to be played with, in fact she doesn't even demand she just starts playing a game with me against my will. I'll be doing the washing up or something and she comes in and says, "we're playing catch now" and lobs a ball at me and then is like "mummy! You're supposed to catch it! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Why aren't you catching it?" Or she'll hand me a doll and tell me I'm the mum and she's the dad and then she'll demand I recite my lines. Doesn't matter if I'm the the middle of something else. If I am sat on the sofa, she will immediately jump on me and demand to be played with.
She also constantly complains. Because home is so tough I try to take her out which is hard when it's so cold and we have a limited budget. I also have an 11yo DS so finding things they both enjoy can be difficult. But when we're out, we will 9/10 come back all of us grumpy and exhausted because she will always find something to complain about and ruin the trip.
And she posseses ZERO patience which means she struggles to learn new things. She can barely read. We try and try to teach her new things to do to entertain her but if she can't get it right first time she throws a huge tantrum and cries and says she can't do anything. She won't keep trying she'll just cry

So AIBU to be at my wit's end with what to do with her this half term? It's not so bad when it's warmer because she plays out with neighbouring kids. But having her home is so hard. She's fun and has a great sense of humour and is incredibly loving but she is SUCH hard work.

Suggestions also welcome.

Hi OP she sounds a bit like my 7 year old (only more so). We are in the process of getting a diagnosis. I don't find it too bad but I do think that the lack of focus makes school a bit more tricky.

@Starstruck2020 what medication is your DC using and how does it work?

I could have written your post @Sacredhandbag and sympathise. My daughter is 10 and it’s hard.

Another suggestion to seek an ADHD assessment. Schools often don’t see it because girls, for many reasons, can mask or “present internally” at school. But they don’t see the whole child and if you’re telling them that your child at home is very different from the one they see at school, they should be pricking their ears up to your concerns. You will probably find yourself doubting your judgement through the process but hold fast!

In the short term, good luck! Routine can be out the window at holiday times. Clear expectation management and what good behaviour looks like. Information about what you will be doing when. A visual timetable or whiteboard. Egg timers can help eg, I will come and play when the sand runs out, that sort of thing. Some toys in the house which allow safe physical play can help regulate her energy levels too. And fidget toys might be your friends as well.

She might be neurodivergent. Either way you need to set boundaries. You need to set aside time when you will play with her and give her undivided attention. Equally you need to set aside time for yourself and chores. Let her know what those timings are. If she bothers you when it’s your alone time just stick with it. Let her be bored and throw meltdowns. She will eventually give in and do some independent play or whatever it is she can occupy herself with. It may take some time.

My DD was like this. She has been diagnosed as autistic.

I thought you were describing me except I'm late 50s awaiting an ADHD diagnosis.
My DD used to wake up early got to bed late and always had lots of energy.
Her friend has told her she suspects ADHD now she is an adult.

Ah, OK I see your follow up now, thanks for the clarification, the way you originally wrote it came across as quite harsh.

I was this child, and I have this child now (thanks karma) and all I know is I wasn't trying to do anything wrong. When my mum snapped and 'told me off' all I really remember is confusion and shame. I agree firm but kind boundaries are totally acceptable - and necessary if she really does have ADHD or similar

So - no, you don't tell her off.

I'd start telling her off.

Do you ever include her in helping you with simple household tasks........loading the washer - drying the pots - setting the table - dusting - tidying her own room??? Perhaps some responsibility for her surroundings might detract from her demanding behaviour.

I really shouldn't multi-task while writing on here, lol.

I think there's a difference between snapping and punishing, and being firm and making it clear that a child absolutely can't behave in a certain way. I'm from a ND family, am ND myself and now have an ND husband and boundaries are essential for all of us, even as adults.

Obviously no one here can diagnose. (Someone earlier seemed to be complaining about diagnosis by mumsnet.)

And we hate ADHD being trotted out as a possibility at the slightest thing.

This is not the case here.

OP, your daughter is very clearly showing multiple strong indicators for ADHD in girls. Including the ability to mask strongly at school.

There are plenty of knowledgeable and experienced posters on here suggesting so.

It is worth you investigating, as if it is the case, then your daughter has a bunch of struggles that make her ability to behave in a “normal” “expected” way so much harder. And you will be able to learn tools to help her in life.

You already mentioned her reading and I wondered if you have considered a link between this and her makeup (the way she is)?

I also wondered if she has any issues with friendships?

We all want to do our best for our children and they are all different and come with different challenges You DD sounds like a very intelligent, switched on little girl, who needs a huge amount of support which is exhausting.
. I think you should be kind to yourself, it sounds like you are doing a brilliant job.

As for suggestions, I recommend climbing walls, like Rock Up, as it uses mental energy as well as physical. And try athletics.

Good luck.

I teach in a send school and query adhd here. BUT I do think some children are also naturally like this and it's within the realms of "normal" whatever that is <eyes ds1>

<Who's just cracked heads with me though his busy ness>

Whilst starting the ball rolling at the gp I would try visual timetables (just draw them), timers, clocks, digital clocks etc

She might be an excellent candidate for drama clubs or maybe gymnastics.

Ask school and local council what holidays clubs are available that might be council funded

In many respects it's lovely that she's so sociable. But needs to learn about boundaries and others' pov (again this can be something that NT children at this age can still struggle with, but can also be a common difficulty with children who are ND.

DS1 is now annoying ds2 with his muchness.

My hidden chimp is a good book.

You mention she is struggling with learning and reading. This could be a good angle to discuss with her school and get extra support.

Screams adhd to me also.

I have adhders and they need strong boundaries and clear rules and consequences.

I'd look at getting her involved in sports. Lots of sports. My adhd son loves bmx racing and will happily cycle around the local track for hours

1. Make a timetable for the week, words or words and pictures. A mix of outdoor , fun things and " Mum needs space" times.
2. Be firm, be consistent.
3. Look after you.
4. Make an appointment with school. Insist on a half hour or so, not 2 minutes.

My DD was/is exactly like this - now in the process of getting ADHD assessed and diagnosed. It’s often dismissed by schools if the child is keeping up academically - the school picked it up fairly late for my DD for this reason

My dd is ADHD and autistic I bought her a ds when she was 7 or 8? Took some of the pressure off me

My daughter went on Zoloft first, and after three months tried stimulant medication. We had a few different ones until we found concerta worked best for her. She’ll be on Zoloft until the end of this year.

she’s got goals to be a teacher and help “kids like her” because she knows what it’s like. She’s doing a course that will get her into university for teaching and is really working hard for her goals

medication was never something I thought I’d do when I thought of myself as a parent but for us it’s really made a difference.

Hi, the behaviour you have described could have been my daughter. My health visitor decided it was actually due to my ‘lack parenting skills’, and came round to demonstrate to me ‘how to parent’. Two hours later the HV had to go home as she was absolutely exhausted - ‘my dear she’s never stopped. She ran up and down the room nearly all the time, I showed her her dolls house and offered to play with her, but she only stopped for a couple of minutes and then started to run again - she never stopped. You poor dear - you need help!’.
My daughter was diagnosed subsequently, aged 6, with ADHD. Fortunately we moved away shortly after and the excellent paediatrician at the new town (thank you NHS!) reckoned it could be chemical and asked us to keep a food diary. That was such a hard thing for me to do, especially as she was in primary school by then. It turned out she was sensitive to quite a few foods - artificial food colouring especially. This is a while back and they were in everything then - even toothpaste. She is also sensitive to artificial sweeteners (which is a nightmare since the sugar tax.) The moment we changed her diet she was a different girl - calm, relaxed , just lovely. Things of course did creep in (especially one appalling Christmas Day after lunch - after which my mum and I tipped the bin on the drive and worked our way through everything looking for the culprit - turned out that the tin of strawberries used in the trifle had the additives in).
She went on to do brilliantly at school.
it’s definitely worth having a look to see if there are any food sensitivities there first - it’s not easy to do, but certainly worth a look.
Ive another relative going through this at the moment. The good news is that apparently ADHD peaks about 9 or 10 (we have been told) as the child learns to manage it better. We shall see - in the meantime we are working on a food diary.!

Reminds me of DC2, who is now 20 and been diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia. Wish we'd realized when she was at school.

Yep. My six year old has just got back from a two hour bike ride in the woods and proceeded to immediately start jumping on the sofas like trampolines.
(He’s currently sitting on the step because it’s the second time I’ve had to tell him to not do it today)

It’s kids like this that end up in the Olympics - seriously get her into sport - swim training, triathlon, park run etc

read interviews with lots of sports stars and they often say they have adhd.