To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

[Sacredhandbag]

Tbh not even just the half term, I dread weekends, especially in the winter.

My DD is 7. She is incredibly full on. She talks from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. She never stops talking. Even on the rare occasion there's noone else in the room. You can't even cuddle up and watch a movie with her because she fidgits and talks and asks constantly never ending questions.
She wants attention ALL the time. She demands to be played with, in fact she doesn't even demand she just starts playing a game with me against my will. I'll be doing the washing up or something and she comes in and says, "we're playing catch now" and lobs a ball at me and then is like "mummy! You're supposed to catch it! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Why aren't you catching it?" Or she'll hand me a doll and tell me I'm the mum and she's the dad and then she'll demand I recite my lines. Doesn't matter if I'm the the middle of something else. If I am sat on the sofa, she will immediately jump on me and demand to be played with.
She also constantly complains. Because home is so tough I try to take her out which is hard when it's so cold and we have a limited budget. I also have an 11yo DS so finding things they both enjoy can be difficult. But when we're out, we will 9/10 come back all of us grumpy and exhausted because she will always find something to complain about and ruin the trip.
And she posseses ZERO patience which means she struggles to learn new things. She can barely read. We try and try to teach her new things to do to entertain her but if she can't get it right first time she throws a huge tantrum and cries and says she can't do anything. She won't keep trying she'll just cry

So AIBU to be at my wit's end with what to do with her this half term? It's not so bad when it's warmer because she plays out with neighbouring kids. But having her home is so hard. She's fun and has a great sense of humour and is incredibly loving but she is SUCH hard work.

Suggestions also welcome.

As per pp, I also think ADHD might be what's going on. I have a very similar sounding DD, now 9. School saw nothing. We eventually sought a private assessment which included a school observation and she was diagnosed with combined type ADHD. She seeks constant input/attention/engagement from us. She needs lots of activity and never seems to get tired. We have lots of other difficulties at home that school don't see. She can just about keep a lid on it at school because she says she doesn't want her friends to think she's weird. But she's aware she's masking how she really feels. So don't be put off by school and GP. They do look for it in 2 settings but if you could afford private assessment or just seek a private school observation, a trained person might see what a teacher doesn't see when splitting their attention 30 ways. Or the school questionnaire might still show signs that are enough to get you to assessment. You know the difference between your two children, you have raised them both the same way, it's not the home environment that's the problem. But the cheapest thing for the education and health system to do is blame the parents and send them on a parenting course. Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

I was like this as a kid. I wouldn't be so quick to write off the idea of ADHD

'Tell her off'? What does that entail? Shouting? Detailing what's she's doing wrong and making sure she knows exactly how much you dislike how she is? Punishing her when she does things you don't like? What would those punishments be?

Please don't do this @Sacredhandbag. Of course there need to be boundaries, and they need to be firmly held but 'telling her off' is not the way. Punishing and shaming a child - any child, NT or not - is never the way. All it does is give you, the adult, a little power trip.

Agree with pp about adhd testing.

I’d come home from school (or work as an adult tbh!) and my hyperactivity and talkativeness would be very intense- I’m sure it’s a response to the effort of concentrating and behaving all day. It was easier to regulate in the holidays, so there’s that.

@Aeiouuoiea if you read my follow up post, you'd see what I meant.

I never said that OP should shout or punish

I think I am just fed up with reading posts where every single thing is put down to being neuro diverse and that is probably why when people do have genuine problems it takes forever to actually get a diagnosis if at all.

She's sounds very much like my daughter and she has adhd and well as autism (which was never picked up on at school, private assessment pushed for by me).

I agree it does sound like ADHD but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is.The symptoms do present different in girls.Although,your daughters personality does sound in part similar to my DS growing up.He was diagnosed when he was 6.
There is a lady on Tik Tik/Facebook called ADHD Love who explains about it in a wonderful and informative way.

I feel for your daughter.
Sounds like she is masking at school and it's all coming out at home.

Even if she is ADHD op, it's okay to put down boundaries about when her wanting attention is inappropriate. Like any kid, she can still learn manners when it's appropriate to interject. I was a really good kid in school but I still got told off for chattering or for not paying attention at times. I ended up feeling never good enough from different things throughout my life.

Does she struggle to make friends,

Sounds like the hyperactive type although I don't know for sure. I have inattentive so the hyperactivity was mainly in my head but I can talk and talk. Maybe she's hyperactive one as she has to be doing so many things.

How does she sleep op?

Definitely go through right to choose at your gp otherwise you'll be waiting forever.

Sounds like she’s bored to me. Not all children (or adults for that matter) can amuse themselves. Are there any clubs or activities you could send her to?

Is that ros? Yes I love that couple! They are on insta too.

Presumably she isn't allowed to talk non-stop at school? So she is capable of controlling it, and maybe just needs firmer home boundaries. But this doesn't rule out ADHD.

OP you said at 7 she can barely read. Is this not a bit of a red flag for the school? My 5 year old can read a very simple book by herself with little support. My nephew is just turning 8 and can read an age appropriate book/magazine by himself.

Have you spoken to them about this?

I think children are massively over stimulated at school, massively and they can't decompress. They don't know how to. They don't know how to be bored, to look out of a window, to colour or invent or play.
I don't think it's a syndrome.
I suggest making a timetable for your own sanity. Some down time.

I've read through your responses and what I've not seen is an answer to the question "what happens when you say no?" Do you ever actually say no and mean it or do you just nicely explain that you're busy but then give in and do what she wanted immediately anyway?

DD went through a stage of wanting constant attention, and when that wasn't possible because I had other things I needed to do, I told her that I needed to do something else and would be able to play with her in xx minutes but until then she needed to do something else. If she kept it up then I would give a warning and then if she kept going there would be a consequence. She didn't like it, it took some getting used to for her and sometimes resulted in a tantrum, but it was important to follow through and be consistent.

What happens when you do that?

Diagnosis by MN.

I have a live wire 7 year old (boy) too but not to this extent. It does sound exhausting and I think you need to keep pushing for support. Sounds like a fob off from the GP in all honesty - children can behave differently in school and at home so both sides need looking at.
I would also be concerned about the reading - though if she is quite wired much of the time, it makes sense. It is certainly more unusual behaviour.
It may be worth exploring diet and things like screen time, as these can affect behaviour.

This- a good routine with blocks of time when you will play, and blocks where she needs to entertain herself

Girls are incredibly good at masking at school

@Sacredhandbag do you think she might have ADHD?

You could be describing my 7 year old with ASD and ADHD. Only difference is DD can read so will entertain herself with books for a bit (although she still fidgets or even walks around reading). DD also had meltdowns and struggled with sensory overload at school though, which helped with her diagnosis.

Could you try at least directing her play to something you tolerate more? DD loves playing schools so we do that a lot, we have mini whiteboards and I use it as practice for her spellings and times tables as well. And if she gets something wrong she tolerates it better as she says she just her ‘character’ that got it wrong. Plus we can do pe lessons to tire her out, seeing how many star jumps etc she can do, timing her racing up and down the garden.
Does she like board games? DDs recently got into monopoly, the junior editions are quite good as the rules and maths are easier.

I think the only other thing you can do is try and help her find things she can do independently and say quite clearly ‘this is your time to do x ?like crafts or play outside) and my time to do y. After this we will do z together’. How is she with screens, I find DD gets worse with it, but there’s a few learning apps she uses like reading eggs which have games on and she will happily do those for a while without it affecting her behaviour after.

I'm not saying she is definitely ND but don't rule it out because school don't see it. It's incredibly common for that to be the case especially with girls.

I'd also be considering ADHD too.

I am often asked to support ADHD assessments. I always answer honestly but sometimes I look at a child and think, absolutely not because I just don't see anything. They still get diagnosed though if they have it.

Sometimes, when a parent describes their child at home I'm flabbergasted because they are describing a completely different child to the one I see.

School will only provide evidence on what they see. They're not the arbiters of diagnosis.

Also just to add just because a child has a tantrum while you are out and when they come back does not mean you stop doing things with them. What sort of stuff do you do with the children day in day out? Whether it's cold or not it's still good for them to get out in the fresh air. Does she do lots of running around? Outside I mean. Play in the garden? Going to the park? You will find your local library has lots of stuff going on for children which don't cost or for very little cost.